When Your Symptoms are Still Running the Show

[00:00:00] Hey there and welcome to Heal with Grace. I'm your host Grace Secker
[00:00:04] and I'm a holistic licensed therapist and nervous system coach who believes that the chronic and often unseen symptoms
[00:00:10] you're living with are a sign of something deeper going on. A sign that your nervous system needs attention. In each episode
[00:00:17] I'll share the science behind the most common chronic health disorders plus holistic health tips using mental physical and spiritual practices.
[00:00:25] You'll hear what I've learned in my journey and the true stories from our trusted guests
[00:00:30] so you can feel less alone in your experience and give yourself grace no matter what you're going through.
[00:00:35] So without further ado, settle in and get cozy. It's time to Heal with Grace.
[00:00:40] Hey y'all, welcome back to the Heal with Grace podcast. Today
[00:00:45] I want to talk to you about what I hear a lot of clients talk about is
[00:00:49] the frustration when your symptoms are still sticking around even though you've been doing this work. So the part of you
[00:00:55] that's quietly wondering if you're doing something wrong or maybe not so quietly, right?
[00:01:00] Because you're still thinking about your symptoms all the time and maybe it's not in a dramatic way.
[00:01:05] Maybe it's not where it used to be where you're so scared of your body all the time and your symptoms are just like literally taking you out of your life.
[00:01:13] But more like they're just in the background all the time still being checked on
[00:01:18] still influencing decisions and you just keep wondering why can't I let this go?
[00:01:23] What am I missing? Why is this still happening? And so if this lands for you
[00:01:28] I would highly recommend keep listening to this episode, download it, save it for later
[00:01:32] so that you have it because this is gonna be an episode that I want you to come back to over and over again when you feel stuck in this place.
[00:01:39] And this is where we start to make some shift because this journey is called a journey for a reason.
[00:01:45] Well, I call it a journey for a reason and I think many other people would agree with that is because there's so many different phases of this healing.
[00:01:52] The first is I
[00:01:54] learn about my body healing. I learn about what a neuroplastic symptom is and I'm kind of like interesting.
[00:02:00] What is this? Maybe it lands and clicks and you're like, oh my god. This is the missing piece. I get it.
[00:02:05] I'm bought in. Let's go. Or maybe you're kind of dipping your toe in every once in a while or like you heard that
[00:02:11] yeah, our mindset and our anxiety and stress affect our physical symptoms, that makes sense.
[00:02:18] But maybe you didn't really go much farther than that or maybe you've done a little brain training
[00:02:23] but it didn't really work or maybe it made things worse to start off with.
[00:02:27] It doesn't matter. We all enter differently and that's one of the first phases is coming to this work.
[00:02:32] The next is really learning and understanding and grasping and totally having a 180 with understanding your health.
[00:02:41] Like I will admit I forget this sometimes because I'm so in this world.
[00:02:45] I forget that this really is a completely different way of understanding yourself health life, to be honest.
[00:02:52] And so that takes some time to grasp, it takes some time to wrap your mind around, to wrap your body around,
[00:02:58] to really feel the like lock in your body. This is right. This makes sense.
[00:03:03] And then to start to practice mind body tools and then to start to see progress.
[00:03:08] That's the next phase of like, oh my gosh, it's working. Maybe I don't have symptoms this day that I usually do
[00:03:15] or I have a special event coming up and oh my gosh, my body's okay.
[00:03:19] I don't have that headache or migraine that pops up every time I do this or whoa, my back is okay and I've been sitting for an hour.
[00:03:27] Like they're very subtle. It's not like overnight you wake up and you're like, I'm out of pain. I feel healthy. I'm not sick.
[00:03:34] We are going to talk through what happens for people to make progress and what happens when people get stuck.
[00:03:40] And then there does become this sense of life integration where this just becomes a part of your life
[00:03:46] and your life has changed because your body is not so stuck. You don't have so many symptoms anymore.
[00:03:51] You can live your life without thinking about this all the time. You can eat what you want. You can travel.
[00:03:55] You can maybe get in the relationship you wanted to get in or make that career move that you wanted to make
[00:04:01] because you can make moves instead of being scared of what's going to happen or maybe your back and your life.
[00:04:06] And that's huge. And so then this just becomes something that you've been doing and maybe it becomes more in the background
[00:04:13] just like the healing protocols and the mind-body tools and the regulation practices don't have to be something you're focused on as much.
[00:04:20] But they're still there because this is a lifelong practice. And somewhere within there, sometimes we get to this place of maybe something happens in life.
[00:04:29] Maybe we kind of fall off the quote unquote wagon with really taking care of ourselves.
[00:04:35] We start to notice patterns coming back of we're constantly pushing ourselves. We're working ourselves to the bone, burning out.
[00:04:42] Maybe we enter into our relationship that has the same toxic or codependency patterns that we used to follow or we used to lean into.
[00:04:50] Maybe there's a really big move that you're having to do that's coming up or something. Maybe someone died or going through grief.
[00:04:56] Something happens and it doesn't have to be huge. I guess I'll say that to you. I want to make sure that's known.
[00:05:02] It doesn't have to be a huge trauma or catastrophe. It can truly just be life catching up with you like quietly kind of in the background.
[00:05:08] Things are getting busy. You forget to take care of yourself. And then your body starts talking to you.
[00:05:13] And maybe some of the symptoms you used to have come back for a little bit or maybe you notice your gut issues are acting up again.
[00:05:20] Or maybe you have a headache more often or some pain or something like that.
[00:05:24] Or maybe if you have IC, you have bladder issues coming back. You have a flare, right? You have flares. That's what we call a flare.
[00:05:30] And within this, by the way, these are normal. It's normal to have flares. It's normal to have your body talk to you every now and then.
[00:05:37] But then we can start to feel like, what did I do wrong? Why is this happening again?
[00:05:42] Or maybe they've just always kind of been there in the background a little bit, just being like, yeah, I have something every day or every once in a while or every week comes up.
[00:05:51] And I just move on with it and move through it because I know how to work with it, right? Okay, cool. We move on.
[00:05:56] But then it starts adding up and you realize, man, I'm having symptoms actually kind of a lot and I'm just kind of moving through it or trying to ignore it in a way.
[00:06:05] Not give it so much power, which is important. That's what we're telling you to do. Don't give them so much power.
[00:06:11] Don't make so much meaning out of your symptoms. Don't go straight into panic or fear mode or, you know, if it's the same symptoms, you don't need to go to another specialist.
[00:06:19] We know what it is. If you're in that space and you're kind of like, man, why are they still stuck? Why are they still here?
[00:06:25] Or maybe you're in a flare. This was meant for you. This is why I'm having this episode because it happens a lot to myself included.
[00:06:33] And I want to first let you know before I get into the details of this episode that if this does sound like you and you've been doing work on your own,
[00:06:41] or maybe you've been a part of a program or, you know, used an app or something or just watched a bunch of videos or listened to this podcast and you've made progress.
[00:06:48] That's fantastic. If you feel like you need a little bit more accountability, you need more structure and support,
[00:06:55] that's where I would invite you into the Mind Body Healing Method course. And I want to just update everyone that right now, for the foreseeable future,
[00:07:05] until I figure out the next iteration of the Group Live program, right now the Mind Body Healing Method is available for self-paced work.
[00:07:13] So this is really great for you. If you need to take your time, go through it slowly. Have all the tools and skills and to-dos and structure at your fingertips
[00:07:22] through an app that my program is on. So you have it on your phone. You have all the videos, all the audio lessons, all the skills, all the PDS,
[00:07:30] everything that you need to really help you understand this work and then practice it daily, weekly, whenever it feels right for you in your schedule.
[00:07:40] So people have actually been loving the Mind Body Healing Method as a self-paced program. And I keep having people tell me that they are loving the course
[00:07:48] and they're loving being able to go through it on their own terms. And then what happens is they realize, okay, I'm doing it, but I would really like that one-on-one support.
[00:07:57] I really like that extra support. And then you can always add on coaching calls with me or my team. And I have one of their Mind Body Healing Method coach
[00:08:05] in working with clients and myself. Having the support while you're going through the program, that's what yields the best results for clients,
[00:08:14] at least for me, at least for everyone that I've talked to and everyone that I'm working with.
[00:08:18] Because when you get the program, you're going through it, and then you have questions and you're like,
[00:08:23] well, I don't know how to do this, or I'm not sure about this, or I'm confused with this, or how do I do this practice with my body?
[00:08:28] That's what we get to dig in. We get to understand you. And then we can help you move through those stuff places.
[00:08:34] And then we can dig deeper into the emotional pieces, the trauma, the old patterns that maybe you're not fully aware of, but that we can see.
[00:08:43] So those combined, the self-paced and the private coaching that you can add on when you'd like is a really wonderful combination that people are loving right now.
[00:08:52] So if that feels like is appropriate for you and you really want a little bit extra support and accountability, find the link below for the Mind Body Healing Method.
[00:09:01] And let me know if you have any questions. Okay, cool. Let's jump right in then to why are your symptoms still running the show and what to do with it?
[00:09:10] So for a lot of people, symptoms don't just cause pain or fear. They become identity and they become a strange kind of safety, which hear me out.
[00:09:22] I know that we're trying to get you out of symptoms so you can get into safety mode, but this kind of safety is known.
[00:09:29] So your nervous system doesn't like to do things that it doesn't know. It doesn't like change. It likes to stay where it is.
[00:09:35] It likes to be in the known and the same. That is safety in that sense. Now, it's not regulated safety. It's dysregulated knownness.
[00:09:47] Symptoms tell you sometimes what your day is allowed to look like, right? They create rules. They explain why you can't push.
[00:09:55] You can't show up. You can't risk too much. They tell you that you shouldn't be involved in this conversation with someone.
[00:10:02] Maybe you shouldn't work harder. Maybe you shouldn't be traveling. They tell you all these things to keep you in this safe zone, which your subconscious feels is safe.
[00:10:14] And over time, then vigilance starts to feel like responsibility. So you're trying to help yourself not flare, not have symptoms, but then your world becomes a little smaller, quieter, in the sense of that you're not doing the things because you don't want to activate your symptoms again.
[00:10:31] But this is a cycle where we stop engaging in life, our anxiety rises, vigilance rises, and then you kind of start to obsess a little bit. You're being careful. You're listening to your body, but you are staying ahead of danger, except your nervous system does an experience that is neutral, an experience that is constant monitoring.
[00:10:50] So when vigilance masquerades as responsibility from the outside, it looks like you're doing everything right, but internally your system stays alert, scanning, checking, prepping, and this does become a part of your identity.
[00:11:05] Well, I have to do this because of my symptoms. I have to check this because of my symptoms. I have to do this so that I don't have symptoms and not because you're weak or anxious, but because this pattern has helped you survive.
[00:11:16] And when something helps you survive long enough, the nervous system doesn't like to give it up easily at all. So the reason why I'm sharing this is because when symptoms quietly kind of run in the background or you hit a flare, oftentimes there could be like a habitual pattern coming up.
[00:11:34] Maybe you're starting a new job or something and your old job was toxic and so your nervous system is like, uh-uh, work is not okay. Work equals danger. And then we have to rewrite that. We'll be like, no, no, no, we're okay. We're safe. This is a good environment.
[00:11:49] It also can show us that we're still attached in a subconscious way. We're still attached to our symptoms. So sometimes I'll be searching online for other people in this community, content creators, podcasts, healers, things like that, like people that are outwardly talking about chronic illness and chronic pain.
[00:12:11] And man, something I have seen is that, and this is not to just, I'm not a shit talker, right? But this is to highlight how identity plays a role. So there are some times where people will start to own their chronic illness, be like, yep, this is me. I'm managing. I'm dealing with it. And these are the things I need in life to be able to do that. I'm going to talk about it. I'm going to share my struggles. I'm going to share what I'm working or what I'm going through.
[00:12:35] I want this to be more known so people understand that this invisible illness is real and true. Right? So maybe they have a podcast about talking about chronic illness, and maybe they have a social media presence sharing their life and chronic illness. And what ends up happening and a lot of sharing is wonderful, right? Let's get out the word out.
[00:12:52] But when it comes from a subconscious place of I'm a victim to this, that's identity speaking. That's this place of this has been done to me. I have no control. My body is the way that it is. And now I just have to manage. And that's it. That is what we have to unravel, because most of us, all of us has had that subconscious belief system in some way, shape or form, regardless of whether you're on online or not.
[00:13:17] I see this unfolding in many different stages of the healing process. I see this unfolding in the beginning when we start to recognize, Oh, wait, I don't have to be stuck like this. I can heal. I don't have to just manage. Then there's this light bulb and there's this kind of relief that happens. Like, Oh my gosh. Then because remember all of this is subconscious. When we hit certain roadblocks, or we start to recognize patterns of ourselves that are subconscious doesn't want us to look at or feel or be with like feelings of anger that you were never allowed to express.
[00:13:47] Or the hurt and disappointment that maybe you've always been that you felt in regards to people hurting you or rejecting you or leaving you. Those are hard feelings. And once we start to recognize those and feel those, your nervous system is kind of like, No, that's what we've been hiding this whole time. Hell no, we're going to give you more symptoms. And that's what we need to separate from is, are we still identifying as this person that has to have symptoms?
[00:14:13] Or are we starting to shift our identity out of a place of this is just me. This is what I have to deal with. And sometimes my body talks to me because that's the way it shows me stress. You see the difference there. One stance where we're attached to our identity with symptoms is this is me. This is my body. I have no choice. The other is sometimes this is what I experienced. This is how my body shows me stress. One takes away the power and the attachment and one stays in that.
[00:14:39] So this also then leads me into the second theme that I often see when we're stuck is secondary gains. And I want to share this so much without any kind of shame or guilt or telling you that you're doing it on purpose because you're not. But oftentimes, there's a secondary gain with our symptoms, not in a manipulative way, in a deeply human way, and a way of I want to belong. I want certainty. I want permission to rest a clear reason to opt out. And that doesn't mean you want to be sick or you're
[00:15:08] making this happen. It means your nervous system found something that made life feel safer. So maybe having symptoms meant as a child or doesn't matter when you had them. But oftentimes this pattern comes from childhood is maybe you started having symptoms because that was the only way that you felt seen. Maybe that was the way that your caregivers paid attention to you. They care took for you when you felt sick or ill. Or there's actually the opposite thing can happen, right? They don't pay attention. No one actually pays attention to your symptoms.
[00:15:38] So they get louder and louder and louder and your body is like, listen to me, pay attention to me. So there's this kind of push and pull that tends to happen. There's always a reason in some way, shape or form. Overall, there's a reason why your body is giving you these symptoms. Maybe it's making you rest, making you stand down, making you pull back, or really grasping for connection from people to be seen, to be heard, to be taken care of.
[00:16:05] I encourage you to look at this from a sense of curiosity and a sense of this is just what happens. No shame, no guilt. You're not doing this on purpose. But there are real reasons why we have these symptoms. So this is really just encouraging you to look at that. Where are you getting from being sick, from being in pain? How is it helping you?
[00:16:23] You might be at the place where you're like, oh, I know this. At this point, it's not helping me anymore, right? But it's not logical. It's subconscious. It's helping you in some way, shape or form. It's protecting you. Maybe play with those words, helping and protecting. Those are the words that you can start to reflect on. Like what what's happening? What's your body doing for you? So what can actually replace the secondary gain? This is your heart. This is at the heart of the work, meaning this is actually your true authentic self work.
[00:16:53] So, for example, if symptoms gave you predictability, your system needs rhythm and gentle structure outside of symptoms. If symptoms gave you permission to do something or to rest, you need to really look at your lifestyle and how much you're pushing and doing and operating. You need to be able to say no and to slow down without needing a flair to justify it. If symptoms gave you an identity, you don't erase the identity, you expand it into something different and more.
[00:17:23] And more authentically, you. And if symptoms kept you small, hidden, you practice slow, tolerable expansion into what it really feels like to be you, to really putting yourself out there, to showing up, to voicing your needs, to showing your face and letting yourself be good enough and 100% worthy of being in this life as you.
[00:17:45] The nervous system won't fully let go of these symptoms until it knows that you can be safe and secure with your own self.
[00:17:55] So let's talk about how to practice loosening in all of this, checking in more often, not hypervigilance around checking in with yourself, but checking in with your body.
[00:18:06] Can you anchor in to your breath, to your heart, to the root of your spine?
[00:18:12] We need a heart, brain and root connection to really hone in on this is me, I'm here, this is how I get to show up and I'm authentic and I'm worthy of being me.
[00:18:24] Maybe this looks like saying no a little bit more. Maybe it means saying yes to you a little bit more.
[00:18:32] Maybe it really just starts with reflecting on some of these things I've talked about in your journal practice and understanding what are some of these patterns that have been holding you back?
[00:18:41] What are some of these patterns that have been affecting you?
[00:18:43] Choose one small act, even when symptoms are present, actually more so when symptoms are present and start to notice when they don't actually run the show.
[00:18:52] We need to build up the state of being and the times where you're in your life present no symptoms so much so that that bucket is overflowing rather than the bucket of times that you are in symptoms.
[00:19:06] We want your brain to orient to I'm healthy, I'm happy, I am safe, I'm okay, I'm present and engaged instead of I'm anxious, I'm fearful, what's my body going to do?
[00:19:17] I don't know how to be in this body because it's always presenting some kind of challenge, right?
[00:19:22] We don't want to orient towards what's going to happen, what's wrong, what's going to happen in a negative way.
[00:19:27] We want to orient towards, oh, wow, look at what I can do.
[00:19:30] So much of what I'm talking about is mindset shifting and somatically orienting your body to a place of connection.
[00:19:37] Now, those two things I could have multiple different podcast topics on and videos, obviously, because I just barely touched the surface on the practice of the how, but I really want you to know that first and foremost, you have to recognize how are your symptoms driving your life?
[00:19:55] Like, what are they doing for you?
[00:19:57] How is your identity attached to them?
[00:19:58] And what are the patterns that have brought you there?
[00:20:01] Then we can learn on getting out of those and practicing safety and connection with self and being your authentic self.
[00:20:07] So if this is something that you're like, I don't really know how to do that.
[00:20:11] Again, I would love to have you in the mind, body healing method and love to work with you one on one.
[00:20:16] If that feels like the right thing for you, this is really where support matters.
[00:20:20] I would not be where I am today at all if I didn't have my own mentorships, therapists, port systems, healers along the way, because it can't see everything about me, especially those deeper patterns.
[00:20:32] Like, I'm someone who needs to be called out in terms of like, hey, you're acting in this way.
[00:20:37] Like, one of the biggest shifts for me was when I had a mentor, asthmatic coach tell me, you're kind of playing the victim here.
[00:20:44] And man, I got a little upset.
[00:20:46] I'm not going to lie at first, but she was right.
[00:20:49] He was right.
[00:20:50] I could get into this place of like, oh my gosh, my body, what was me?
[00:20:54] Why I'm in this pattern again.
[00:20:56] I get a lot of, you know, and once I started seeing that, I didn't dismiss myself.
[00:21:02] I didn't say, okay, pull myself up on my bootstraps and like kick it into high gear with positive manifestation.
[00:21:08] No, I saw it.
[00:21:10] I held myself.
[00:21:11] I recognized that that part really needed to be seen and heard and was coming from a deeper place of like, just wanting to be loved and cared for.
[00:21:19] And then I shift into, okay, how am I going to help expand my body into more safety and worthiness and heart centered life, essentially.
[00:21:30] So that's what I mean by that personal deep support.
[00:21:33] So find the links below for the my body healing method and to schedule an individual call with me or my team.
[00:21:39] And we'd love to support you if this is the kind of work that you want to do 2026 is our year.
[00:21:44] So let's make it happen.
[00:21:46] Okay, I would absolutely love to hear from you to know how the podcast is going.
[00:21:53] We're going to make some big moves this year with the podcast, and I'd love to have you come along.
[00:21:57] So would love your review on wherever you listen.
[00:22:00] It really helps us get this out to more and more people.
[00:22:02] All right, I will speak to you all next week.
[00:22:04] Keep healing with Grace.
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[00:22:32] Thanks for listening and I hope this brings you hope on your journey.