How Your Personality Traits Keep Your Nervous System Stuck

[00:00:00] Even though we're calling these personality characteristics,
[00:00:02] it doesn't mean these are permanent.
[00:00:05] These are not ingrained in you something you can't fix.
[00:00:08] What I tell people all the time
[00:00:10] to get out of the habit of saying
[00:00:11] is things like, oh, that's just me.
[00:00:13] This is just me, a classic me, right?
[00:00:16] Oh, I'm just an anxious person
[00:00:17] or oh, I'm always putting pressure on myself.
[00:00:20] I always have to have things perfect
[00:00:22] or I always have to do things this way.
[00:00:24] No, we're getting out of that extreme thinking
[00:00:26] and those words because that is not true
[00:00:28] with only who you are.
[00:00:30] These characteristics are not who you are.
[00:00:32] They are learned patterns
[00:00:34] and personality characteristics can be learned,
[00:00:37] which means you can unlearn them and work with them.
[00:00:40] Hey there and welcome to the Heal With Grace podcast.
[00:00:44] I'm your host, Grace Secker,
[00:00:46] and I'm a holistic licensed therapist
[00:00:48] and nervous system coach who believes
[00:00:50] that the chronic and often unseen symptoms
[00:00:53] you're living with are a sign
[00:00:55] of something deeper going on.
[00:00:57] A sign that your nervous system needs attention.
[00:00:59] In each episode, I'll share the science
[00:01:01] behind the most common chronic health disorders
[00:01:04] plus holistic tips using mental, physical,
[00:01:07] and spiritual practices.
[00:01:08] You'll hear what I've learned in my journey
[00:01:10] and the true stories from our trusted guests
[00:01:13] so you can feel less alone in your experience
[00:01:15] and give yourself grace no matter what you're going through.
[00:01:18] So without further ado, settle in and get cozy,
[00:01:21] it's time to Heal With Grace.
[00:01:23] Hey, hey, and welcome back
[00:01:24] to the Heal With Grace podcast.
[00:01:27] How's everyone doing?
[00:01:28] It is, well, when this comes out,
[00:01:30] we're in spring, we're moving forward.
[00:01:33] There's a little more energy in the air,
[00:01:36] there's sun coming out.
[00:01:38] I know for me, I'm starting to feel,
[00:01:40] well, I've talked about this a little bit,
[00:01:42] but I have been feeling this forward momentum this year.
[00:01:46] It's kind of like, if you're in this world,
[00:01:47] if you're in kind of the energy world,
[00:01:50] it's the year of the fire horse
[00:01:51] and there's a lot of energy behind that.
[00:01:53] There's forward motion and movement
[00:01:55] and that looks different for everyone.
[00:01:57] That's not just like physical energy
[00:01:59] that you feel in your body,
[00:02:01] but it can also be creativity and emotional
[00:02:05] and thinking of things differently
[00:02:08] and being embodied in a different way.
[00:02:12] Feel that shift, at least especially moving through me.
[00:02:14] There's a lot opening and moving,
[00:02:16] which is pretty cool, to be honest.
[00:02:18] I feel like there was a place stuck for a long time
[00:02:21] that I'm moving through
[00:02:22] and I've heard a lot of people in this space too.
[00:02:24] So if you're not, that's okay.
[00:02:26] If you're not even recognized it
[00:02:27] or you don't even understand what I am saying,
[00:02:30] that's okay too, but it's almost just more of an invitation
[00:02:34] to help you get a little bit more in touch
[00:02:38] with what are the seasons of you?
[00:02:41] What are the seasons of your life?
[00:02:42] We all have seasons, we all have time periods,
[00:02:44] we all have phases that we go through.
[00:02:46] Maybe that's your health that you're growing through phases.
[00:02:48] Maybe that's relationally, work-wise.
[00:02:52] Maybe you literally are moving from one place to another
[00:02:55] geographically.
[00:02:57] There's all different phases that we go through in life
[00:02:59] and I think that's really important
[00:03:00] to recognize on a higher level
[00:03:02] because especially for all of my listeners
[00:03:06] that tend to like to think in certain boxes
[00:03:09] and this is one way and this is how we do things
[00:03:14] and this is how it's gonna be.
[00:03:16] This right or wrong thinking,
[00:03:17] which we're actually gonna talk about a little bit today.
[00:03:22] That's just a learned pattern and that's not life.
[00:03:24] Life is never constant, life is never the same.
[00:03:26] The only constant is change, right?
[00:03:29] The only known factor is that we live and we die
[00:03:33] in this reality of our human body in this lifetime.
[00:03:36] And so I've now gone through down a hole of the rabbit hole.
[00:03:40] My point being is that if we can open up
[00:03:44] to the flexibility and neutrality of moving through life
[00:03:49] in different ways and different phases,
[00:03:52] it brings more of a curiosity lens
[00:03:54] to what you're going through.
[00:03:56] It brings a little more acceptance
[00:03:58] to what you're going through
[00:03:58] because what you're going through right now
[00:04:00] is not gonna be the same thing next year,
[00:04:02] two years, three years, five years, 10 years.
[00:04:04] That just, it won't be.
[00:04:06] There might be some similarities
[00:04:08] or patterns that are still there
[00:04:10] but your life won't look the exact same.
[00:04:13] And we forget that when we're in the middle of shit, right?
[00:04:16] And we feel like crap
[00:04:17] and we've been dealing with things
[00:04:19] for what feels like forever for a long time.
[00:04:22] You forget that you can actually get out of that
[00:04:24] and that it's only temporary.
[00:04:25] So this is your invitation to take that on,
[00:04:27] that knowing that where you are right now is temporary.
[00:04:32] It will not last forever.
[00:04:33] Your flair will not last forever.
[00:04:36] Even if your brain thinks that, right?
[00:04:38] Your brain goes into survival mode
[00:04:39] and is like, oh my gosh,
[00:04:40] what do we do now we gotta get out of this?
[00:04:43] It won't last forever.
[00:04:45] So here's a reminder
[00:04:47] that most things in life are temporary.
[00:04:50] Okay, now let's jump into actually
[00:04:52] what we are here to talk about today.
[00:04:56] So I have actually an episode a couple of years ago on this
[00:05:00] but this topic is so important
[00:05:02] because it helps you understand yourself
[00:05:03] a little bit more
[00:05:04] and it helps you,
[00:05:07] I've heard that this can really help you
[00:05:09] and it helped myself identify the pattern
[00:05:13] that can contribute to our stress nervous system,
[00:05:16] can contribute to neuroplastic symptoms
[00:05:19] which can be really helpful, right?
[00:05:21] When we can name something, identify it,
[00:05:24] it helps us feel a little more comfortable with it.
[00:05:27] So we are going through the six different personality traits
[00:05:31] that lead into or can contribute to
[00:05:35] someone with neuroplastic symptoms.
[00:05:37] So pain reprocessing therapy has identified this as well
[00:05:41] and they call these the personality traits
[00:05:42] of someone with a sensitive nervous system.
[00:05:44] Now I added a little bit,
[00:05:46] a little nuance here to a couple of them today
[00:05:48] from what I've seen in my work
[00:05:50] and what I see with most people that I help and treat
[00:05:53] and to be honest, myself included
[00:05:55] because it's helpful, again, to name something,
[00:05:57] identify it, see it as something outside of you, right?
[00:06:02] Even though we're calling these personality characteristics
[00:06:05] it doesn't mean these are permanent.
[00:06:07] These are not ingrained in you
[00:06:09] something you can't fix.
[00:06:11] What I tell people all the time
[00:06:13] to get out of the habit of saying is things like,
[00:06:15] oh, that's just me, this is just me, classic me, right?
[00:06:19] Oh, I'm just an anxious person
[00:06:20] or oh, I'm always putting pressure on myself.
[00:06:24] I always have to have things perfect
[00:06:25] or I always have to do things this way.
[00:06:27] No, we're getting out of that extreme thinking
[00:06:30] and those words because that is not true,
[00:06:32] that's only who you are.
[00:06:34] These characteristics are not who you are,
[00:06:37] they are learned patterns.
[00:06:39] And personality characteristics can be learned
[00:06:42] which means you can unlearn them and work with them.
[00:06:47] So first and foremost, anxiousness.
[00:06:49] We very much so know that a nervous system
[00:06:52] that is chronically oriented toward threat
[00:06:55] in a stressed place, not necessarily clinical anxiety
[00:06:59] but just a baseline of that, of if something is wrong
[00:07:02] what do I need to do, what do I need to watch
[00:07:04] for the hypervigilant stressed up as preparedness,
[00:07:08] that scanning, monitoring, always looking for what's wrong,
[00:07:11] planning for worst case scenarios,
[00:07:14] difficult being fully present
[00:07:16] because some part of you is always on watch, right?
[00:07:19] Maybe you actually feel that activation
[00:07:21] and anxiety in your body constantly.
[00:07:23] Maybe it's hard to sleep.
[00:07:24] Maybe you're always worrying about something in your head
[00:07:27] and you're constantly overthinking everything.
[00:07:30] Did I say the wrong thing?
[00:07:31] Oh my gosh, I can't believe I said that thing
[00:07:33] to that person.
[00:07:34] Oh my gosh, I feel this twinge in my stomach.
[00:07:36] Am I dying?
[00:07:37] All of these examples are anxiety
[00:07:40] and the body that stuck in a stressed nervous system
[00:07:44] can impact that anxiety and vice versa, right?
[00:07:47] The more that we learned that we have to worry
[00:07:50] about something or have it be a certain way
[00:07:53] then the more our nervous system is on guard
[00:07:55] and in threat mode.
[00:07:56] So I want you to really think about
[00:07:58] how much of your mental energy
[00:08:01] on any given day is spent watching
[00:08:04] for what might go wrong
[00:08:06] or what is wrong
[00:08:08] or overthinking something constantly
[00:08:10] of how you need to do it or don't do it.
[00:08:12] And you might be sitting here like, yeah, I do that.
[00:08:15] Okay, cool, now what do I do with it?
[00:08:16] How do I get out of it?
[00:08:18] Though that is other podcast episodes for sure
[00:08:21] but I will obviously address that for a little bit here.
[00:08:25] The underlying underneath anxiety is fear.
[00:08:29] Fear of something.
[00:08:30] Fear of not doing something.
[00:08:32] Fear of doing something incorrectly.
[00:08:34] Fear of not having it go a certain way.
[00:08:37] And then underneath that layer
[00:08:39] is fear that you won't be accepted.
[00:08:42] And that might sound a little extreme
[00:08:44] but it is your unconscious, it is that inner child.
[00:08:47] I'm afraid if I don't do something this way
[00:08:49] or I don't get it right, then I won't be accepted.
[00:08:52] And if you're not accepted from a survival standpoint
[00:08:54] you're not part of the herd, you die.
[00:08:57] So this is a prime, anxiety can be primal, right?
[00:09:00] We have anxiety because we feel like we can't fit
[00:09:02] in a certain way that we need to quote unquote be.
[00:09:06] The opposite of anxiety is flexibility is acceptance.
[00:09:11] Acceptance that you don't have to be somewhere
[00:09:15] that you're not.
[00:09:17] Meaning you feel like you need to do something
[00:09:19] a certain way but you recognize, oh, actually maybe,
[00:09:22] like what happens if I don't do that?
[00:09:24] Nothing happens, I don't die.
[00:09:25] The other person doesn't die.
[00:09:26] And again, I understand that sounds extreme
[00:09:29] but that's what's happening underneath the surface
[00:09:32] or anxiety that you won't be somewhere in a certain time.
[00:09:35] Oh my gosh, I was totally called out by an old coach.
[00:09:38] In a great way, I say that in a positive way
[00:09:40] where I showed up to our session online.
[00:09:44] I was like one or two minutes late or something
[00:09:46] and I think I had texted her beforehand,
[00:09:48] like I'm so sorry I'm running late
[00:09:49] and I show up and I'm kind of frazzled.
[00:09:51] And she was like, it's really hard for you
[00:09:54] to be late, isn't it?
[00:09:56] And it just struck me and I was like,
[00:09:58] well, yeah, because you shouldn't be late.
[00:10:01] It's rude.
[00:10:02] Now, yeah, I mean, I do think that, you know,
[00:10:06] respecting time is important in life
[00:10:09] but it shouldn't cause a level of anxiety
[00:10:11] and worry that it did in me.
[00:10:14] I'm really what was there was like,
[00:10:15] if I don't show up on time, I'm gonna be judged, right?
[00:10:18] I'm gonna be criticized
[00:10:20] and then take offense to when someone else is late.
[00:10:22] I can't believe they're showing up late.
[00:10:23] It's so disrespectful.
[00:10:24] Now, to be honest, there is a level of that, right?
[00:10:27] Respect everyone's time.
[00:10:28] Respect what you say you're going to do.
[00:10:30] Honor your word, like obviously.
[00:10:33] But there should be flexibility in that
[00:10:34] and it shouldn't cause so much anxiety.
[00:10:37] So start to look at, okay, what are the patterns?
[00:10:39] Where does anxiety show up the most for you
[00:10:40] and where do you think that's coming from?
[00:10:42] All right, number two is pressure.
[00:10:44] Chronic internal pressure.
[00:10:45] I already kind of noted that a little bit within anxiety
[00:10:48] but pressure is to be more, to be better,
[00:10:51] to perform better.
[00:10:53] The pressure we put on ourselves to be a certain way.
[00:10:56] You can't rest without feeling guilty.
[00:10:58] You always think about the next thing.
[00:11:01] Your nervous system is always running
[00:11:02] on a low hum of urgency,
[00:11:04] even when nothing is actually wrong.
[00:11:06] Like the pressure to get everything done in a certain way,
[00:11:09] get it all done.
[00:11:10] The pressure to complete your to-do lists,
[00:11:12] which by the way, to-do lists never empty,
[00:11:14] they just continue.
[00:11:16] And rest that doesn't feel restful
[00:11:18] is usually where you live, right?
[00:11:20] That quiet feeling that you're always slightly behind
[00:11:22] a little bit.
[00:11:24] Maybe your nervous system reads internal pressure
[00:11:26] the same way it reads external threat.
[00:11:28] Like there's no difference between
[00:11:29] I have to get this done and I'm in danger
[00:11:33] at the level of the nervous system.
[00:11:34] Chronic internal pressure equals chronic activation,
[00:11:38] which equals symptoms.
[00:11:40] Pressure comes in the form of self-criticism.
[00:11:43] I can't believe I did this.
[00:11:44] I can't believe I did that.
[00:11:45] Why can't I get this better?
[00:11:46] Why am I not healed?
[00:11:48] Why am I not recovered by now?
[00:11:50] That internal pressure to be a certain way,
[00:11:52] to do things a certain way.
[00:11:55] We learned that early on from society, family, right?
[00:11:59] You had to do something a certain way.
[00:12:01] I've said that many times, but you get what I'm saying.
[00:12:03] Maybe you weren't really allowed to express yourself
[00:12:05] or you were being criticized for being the one
[00:12:07] that was too loud.
[00:12:09] And so you learned, well, I can't be too loud.
[00:12:11] I have to be this way.
[00:12:12] And then when you are allowed,
[00:12:13] there's a voice in your head goes, all right.
[00:12:15] So the question I want you to sit with here
[00:12:18] is when was the last time you were able to mess up
[00:12:23] or you made a mistake and it was okay
[00:12:28] that you didn't judge or criticize yourself for.
[00:12:32] That you said, oops, dang it, you know.
[00:12:36] And then you moved on or you cleaned it up
[00:12:38] or you apologized or whatever you need to do.
[00:12:41] And you moved on and you didn't think about it again.
[00:12:43] If you're sitting here like, I don't know how to do that.
[00:12:46] I always braid myself for making mistakes.
[00:12:49] Then you need to look at how much pressure
[00:12:51] you're putting on yourself.
[00:12:52] It's only hurting you.
[00:12:54] It's not hurting anyone else.
[00:12:55] Number three is perfectionism.
[00:12:58] Okay, what I want to identify here as perfectionism,
[00:13:02] some people recognize that they are perfectionist.
[00:13:05] The need to do something incredibly right,
[00:13:08] always avoid mistakes and meet an internal standard
[00:13:11] that somehow keeps moving, right?
[00:13:13] You have to dot the I's, you have,
[00:13:15] or yes, dot the I's cross the T's.
[00:13:17] It takes you forever to write an email.
[00:13:19] You procrastinate on something
[00:13:21] because you're afraid it won't go perfectly
[00:13:23] and you can't fail, right?
[00:13:25] You're someone that is highly meticulous
[00:13:28] and detail oriented.
[00:13:30] Now, I also want to call out people
[00:13:33] that still actually might be perfectionist,
[00:13:35] but they don't fully identify that with that,
[00:13:37] which is actually kind of me.
[00:13:39] The one, you might show up as just needing things
[00:13:41] to be done a certain way.
[00:13:43] Maybe that doesn't mean it's completely perfect,
[00:13:46] which by the way, nothing's ever perfect, right?
[00:13:50] Maybe it's that you do have difficulty
[00:13:52] when routines are disrupted
[00:13:54] or you replay conversations, you overthink decisions,
[00:13:58] there's rigidity around behavior,
[00:14:00] around food, around symptoms.
[00:14:03] That's perfectionism in disguise.
[00:14:06] It doesn't really matter what we call it,
[00:14:08] but it's the need for things to be a certain way, right?
[00:14:13] That a little bit more rigidity and less flexibility
[00:14:16] and that might feel like constant monitoring
[00:14:18] and self-evaluation, right?
[00:14:21] So that need for your day to go a certain way
[00:14:25] and if something messes up there or something gets canceled,
[00:14:28] it kind of throws you off more than maybe it needs to.
[00:14:30] So there's a lot of different nuance
[00:14:32] within perfectionism, right?
[00:14:34] I've told the story before on here
[00:14:36] about when I identified with it,
[00:14:38] which still put a little,
[00:14:39] I was still like, I'm not the typical perfectionist,
[00:14:43] but I do have these tendencies
[00:14:44] of needing things to be a certain way
[00:14:46] because that's what I learned
[00:14:47] that is very much so what I learned from familial patterning
[00:14:53] and also just society being a girl who grew up
[00:14:57] and where I grew up, what I was taught,
[00:14:59] the environment I was in,
[00:15:00] you gotta do some things a certain way to be accepted,
[00:15:03] to be liked, to be a good girl.
[00:15:04] So, okay, back to the story.
[00:15:06] So I was sitting in my therapist's office,
[00:15:08] I was like early, early 20s.
[00:15:10] I was like beginning of grad school, I think.
[00:15:12] And I can't remember exactly what I was talking about,
[00:15:15] but I think I said, she was asking me about my history
[00:15:17] about school, cause I was in school
[00:15:19] and I was like, school's always been hard for me.
[00:15:22] I have learning disabilities,
[00:15:23] learning disorders and so I learned that
[00:15:26] and I did get some help with it,
[00:15:27] but it's always really hard.
[00:15:28] And then I said something like,
[00:15:30] could never like make the straight A's,
[00:15:31] I was never good enough.
[00:15:33] I was always like right below the bar.
[00:15:34] I always made like an 89 average or something.
[00:15:36] I just couldn't, I couldn't ever get it right.
[00:15:38] I could never get it perfect to get A's consistently.
[00:15:42] And I went on about something like that,
[00:15:43] I can never get it just right.
[00:15:46] And she looked at, and oh no, this is what it was.
[00:15:50] She said, it sounds like you have
[00:15:52] some perfectionistic tendencies
[00:15:53] and that's when I responded with no,
[00:15:57] cause I can never actually get it right.
[00:15:58] I can never get, I always just get an 89.
[00:16:01] I can't get more than that.
[00:16:02] And then she looked at me with these like,
[00:16:06] yeah, exactly eyes.
[00:16:08] And it was one of those light bulb moments.
[00:16:09] I was like, oh shit, that is perfectionism.
[00:16:13] You never think you can get it right.
[00:16:15] So you keep striving for more, right?
[00:16:17] There's no limit.
[00:16:18] So I hope that you can look at that
[00:16:20] because this is a very common trait
[00:16:23] with people with chronic symptoms.
[00:16:25] We put pressure on ourselves,
[00:16:26] anxiety, need things to be certain way,
[00:16:28] rigidity, that all creates this rigidity
[00:16:31] in the nervous system that comes from threat mode,
[00:16:33] which creates dysregulation.
[00:16:35] Number four is people pleasing.
[00:16:37] So chronically prioritizing others people's comforts
[00:16:41] and needs and reactions over your own.
[00:16:44] You end up suppressing your own wants,
[00:16:46] your own emotions and boundaries
[00:16:48] in order to be liked, to keep the peace,
[00:16:51] avoid conflict, avoid feelings, or to feel safe.
[00:16:55] And this happens in so many little subtle ways
[00:16:59] that you don't realize.
[00:17:00] Some people fully identify like, yeah, I'm a people pleaser,
[00:17:03] but other people don't realize
[00:17:06] how this actually shows up.
[00:17:08] And some of it might just look like
[00:17:10] you say often, oh, I don't wanna make it a big deal.
[00:17:13] I'm fine.
[00:17:14] No, it's all right.
[00:17:16] I don't wanna bother you about this
[00:17:18] or I just need to push through.
[00:17:20] I don't care what we do, you choose, right?
[00:17:23] Or maybe you're someone, Pan, I said this before,
[00:17:26] where I was like,
[00:17:27] so I think I was hearing someone,
[00:17:29] again, I think this was like early 20s.
[00:17:30] I heard someone say, you know,
[00:17:32] she's talking about a conflict
[00:17:34] or a fight she had with a friend.
[00:17:35] And in my mind, I was like,
[00:17:37] I don't have fights with friends.
[00:17:40] I guess we have good relationships
[00:17:41] or something like that.
[00:17:42] I was like, I just don't have conflict.
[00:17:44] I don't know, it's just not a part of my life.
[00:17:47] Y'all, that's because I'm conflict avoidant
[00:17:50] and I'm a people pleaser
[00:17:51] and I avoided all costs.
[00:17:54] Like I play the nice girl
[00:17:56] so I don't ruffle any feathers
[00:17:57] and so we don't get in fights.
[00:17:59] But then what's happening underneath the surface
[00:18:01] is that I'm suppressing my needs
[00:18:03] and my wants and my desires
[00:18:04] and then that comes out and boils over
[00:18:06] into stress nervous system.
[00:18:08] So for you, it could look like
[00:18:11] actually the suppressed emotions
[00:18:13] that you never express.
[00:18:14] They don't just disappear, they do go somewhere.
[00:18:17] They go living in the psyche, in the nervous system
[00:18:20] and your nervous system holds on
[00:18:21] what the mind won't express.
[00:18:23] And that holding has a very real physical cost, right?
[00:18:26] So people pleasing is one of the most direct pathways
[00:18:30] from emotional suppression to chronic physical symptoms.
[00:18:35] I actually just created a post on Instagram
[00:18:37] with the title, like no, it's a complete sentence.
[00:18:41] And the whole point of the post was to say,
[00:18:44] I mean, truly, if no, if you can just say no
[00:18:47] and let it be no, fantastic,
[00:18:49] but if you have to explain yourself
[00:18:50] or justify your no, you're people pleasing.
[00:18:53] You're taking responsibility for someone else's reaction
[00:18:58] that they might have for the no.
[00:19:00] You're not responsible for that.
[00:19:03] And furthermore, when you start to say no,
[00:19:06] you actually open up a yes in your life
[00:19:10] to something that might be even better
[00:19:11] or to work through an emotion that you need to work through.
[00:19:14] So start to look at,
[00:19:15] what are you putting above your own needs or desires?
[00:19:18] Are you scanning the room and always taking the pulse
[00:19:21] of how everyone's feeling and how everyone's doing
[00:19:24] and trying to manage that?
[00:19:25] That's a little bit more people pleasing oriented.
[00:19:27] All right, number five is catastrophizing.
[00:19:31] So this one's a big one,
[00:19:33] especially if you're in early days of chronic symptoms
[00:19:36] and you have gone down the rabbit hole of doctors
[00:19:39] and tests and all the things.
[00:19:41] And all you wanna do is figure out what's wrong, right?
[00:19:45] Catastrophizing is the tendency to move quickly
[00:19:48] toward the worst case scenario.
[00:19:50] So you're constantly worrying over and over and over,
[00:19:55] you're having looping,
[00:19:56] we're over and over and over in your brain of what's wrong.
[00:19:58] Oh my gosh, why is it happening?
[00:20:00] I could be dying, is it a tumor?
[00:20:02] What's happening, blah, blah, blah?
[00:20:03] Like you can't get out of the worst case scenario loop
[00:20:08] in your brain.
[00:20:09] That's catastrophizing.
[00:20:10] So I really want you to name that.
[00:20:12] When you can name what's happening,
[00:20:14] when you're looping and the what's wrong,
[00:20:17] how could this be worse?
[00:20:18] What if it does this?
[00:20:20] What if, right?
[00:20:22] That's a really important thing to name
[00:20:24] so that you can recognize and step outside of it.
[00:20:26] If a bad day becomes evidence
[00:20:28] that you'll never get better
[00:20:29] or a flare becomes proof that this isn't working
[00:20:32] and you constantly just go down the doom spiral,
[00:20:37] that's catastrophizing.
[00:20:39] You might Google your symptoms at midnight,
[00:20:41] you might read the worst case stories
[00:20:44] in chronic illness forums
[00:20:46] or whatever forum you're a part of,
[00:20:47] whatever Reddit forum, right?
[00:20:49] If you're interpreting every physical sensation
[00:20:51] as a signal that something is wrong,
[00:20:54] it might feel like fear is amplifying,
[00:20:57] like your chest is pounding a little bit more.
[00:20:59] Every time the brain predicts danger,
[00:21:01] the nervous system responds, creating more symptoms,
[00:21:04] creating more fear, which creates more symptoms.
[00:21:08] Really watch the story that you're running, right?
[00:21:12] I heard someone say that it's like a TV channel,
[00:21:15] like that catastrophizing is the
[00:21:19] freaking scary movie TV channel.
[00:21:21] When you turn that off,
[00:21:23] we'll turn it down, work on turning it down
[00:21:26] because it's not truth.
[00:21:28] And the more that it goes down that road,
[00:21:32] the more it creates fear.
[00:21:34] So the antidote to that is radically accepting
[00:21:37] and knowing that your body is actually in a place
[00:21:41] of stress and you're working on moving through that
[00:21:44] by listening to these podcasts, seeing a coach.
[00:21:47] If you're in the mind, body healing method,
[00:21:49] you're working through the program,
[00:21:51] you're working through the tools and the skills
[00:21:53] and you're helping yourself.
[00:21:54] Doesn't mean you're gonna be perfect overnight,
[00:21:57] but it's really important to acknowledge
[00:21:59] that that is something that you're doing for yourself
[00:22:02] and you're stepping outside of the catastrophizing.
[00:22:04] Last but not least that goes along with all of this
[00:22:07] is one that I identify all the time in people.
[00:22:11] I call it out every day.
[00:22:13] Black and white thinking,
[00:22:16] also known as all or nothing thinking.
[00:22:19] It's the tendency to see things in extremes.
[00:22:23] Right or wrong, all or nothing,
[00:22:25] it's either working or it isn't.
[00:22:28] Either I'm getting better or I'm getting worse.
[00:22:30] There's no middle ground, there's no gray area,
[00:22:32] no room for the messy non-linear reality of life
[00:22:36] or what healing actually looks like.
[00:22:40] This is sneaky because a lot of people
[00:22:42] with black and white thinking
[00:22:43] don't recognize it as a pattern.
[00:22:45] It just feels like having standards,
[00:22:47] being clear, knowing what you want,
[00:22:49] but underneath it, the nervous system
[00:22:52] is constantly evaluating, sorting, embracing
[00:22:55] and that keeps the activation going.
[00:22:58] So it might look like you have a good week
[00:23:01] and then a hard day comes into play
[00:23:04] and then you're like, oh my gosh, everything's over
[00:23:06] or I'm back to where I was.
[00:23:09] Nothing's ever gonna get better.
[00:23:11] So you can't fully tolerate that there's an in-between
[00:23:13] knowing that, hey, flares happen and that's part of it.
[00:23:16] It's this all or nothing, either I'm better or I'm worse.
[00:23:19] And I will be so direct with you here
[00:23:21] that that is not your body, that's not human nature,
[00:23:24] that's not what's gonna happen.
[00:23:26] I consider myself recovered and many other people
[00:23:30] that I've brought on this podcast,
[00:23:31] consider themselves recovered.
[00:23:33] That does not mean I don't have things or symptoms
[00:23:36] that pop up every now and then
[00:23:38] because our bodies are not just gonna not
[00:23:41] ever have symptoms again, right?
[00:23:43] Like physical symptoms, we have a physical body.
[00:23:46] So it's not all or nothing,
[00:23:47] but just see where this pops up, right?
[00:23:49] Like, okay, I'm learning this new routine.
[00:23:52] I'm learning all these skills and tools.
[00:23:53] I gotta do it every day.
[00:23:55] And then when I fall off, okay, well,
[00:23:57] should I fell off?
[00:23:58] I failed, right?
[00:23:59] Like you don't pick it back up.
[00:24:00] No, you start again and you move forward.
[00:24:04] It's always about the ebb and flow.
[00:24:06] And the big part of this work is learning
[00:24:07] how to be uncomfortable, more uncomfortable
[00:24:10] in that gray middle area and allow it to be okay.
[00:24:15] It's okay to be in the messy.
[00:24:16] It's okay to be in the gray.
[00:24:18] We don't have to be perfect.
[00:24:20] We don't need to be right or wrong.
[00:24:22] It's a big part of this healing process.
[00:24:24] Okay, save this episode, come back to it
[00:24:28] because these things sneak up on us all the time.
[00:24:30] All these symptoms sneak up so easily.
[00:24:34] And remember that it's a learning process.
[00:24:37] You're helping yourself.
[00:24:38] The more you listen to this
[00:24:39] and you can identify these patterns,
[00:24:40] you're like, I'm doing that thing again.
[00:24:42] Oh, I'm thinking in all or nothing.
[00:24:44] I'm being hard on myself.
[00:24:45] The more you do that, the more it steps out.
[00:24:47] You step outside of that pattern, right?
[00:24:49] And then you can pause and shift.
[00:24:52] It's not about fixing yourself or fixing your personality.
[00:24:55] It's just about understanding
[00:24:57] why your nervous system has been running so hard for so long
[00:25:01] and starting to give it a different message.
[00:25:03] If you heard yourself in these,
[00:25:05] and I'm guessing if you're listening to this, you did it,
[00:25:07] and you want more support around this to identify it,
[00:25:09] this is exactly what the small group
[00:25:13] for the mind, body, healing method is about.
[00:25:15] Because I dig in there with you
[00:25:16] and really help you understand
[00:25:18] and call you out in these patterns
[00:25:19] so that you can help yourself.
[00:25:21] You can find the link below,
[00:25:24] dive into the mind, body, healing method,
[00:25:26] and then you can apply to be a part
[00:25:28] of one of the small groups that I'm starting.
[00:25:30] It's for people who really want that individual support
[00:25:34] but wanna be doing it with other people who get it.
[00:25:36] All right, and if you have any questions,
[00:25:38] DM me, let me know,
[00:25:39] and I will see you next week.
[00:25:42] Keep healing with Grace.
[00:25:44] If this podcast means something to you,
[00:25:46] it would mean so much to me
[00:25:47] if you could do these couple things.
[00:25:49] One, go to the heal with grace show page
[00:25:51] wherever you listen and tap the plus sign
[00:25:54] or click on the follow button
[00:25:55] so you don't miss an episode.
[00:25:57] It helps both of us out.
[00:25:58] While you're there,
[00:25:59] if you could give a five star review
[00:26:01] so that this podcast can reach more people,
[00:26:04] it would mean so much to me
[00:26:06] so I can continue sharing episodes
[00:26:07] that help you as well as others.
[00:26:10] Thanks for listening
[00:26:11] and I hope this brings you hope on your journey.