Episode 3
The Secret to Regulating Your Nervous System: Slowing Down
Show notes
Welcome to Episode 4 of the Heal with Grace podcast! In this episode, I talk about slowing down in life, a key element in regulating your nervous system and fostering a deeper connection with your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual selves. While it might seem counterintuitive, especially for those dealing with chronic fatigue or other symptoms that induce sluggishness, slowing down offers profound benefits that go beyond mere relaxation.
In this episode, I discuss:
- The importance of changing how you relate to your symptoms, rather than focusing on the symptoms themselves.
- The value of introspection and self-awareness.
- The concept of pacing in life for nervous system regulation.
This episode is particularly insightful for anyone looking to understand the deeper aspects of their mental and physical health and seeking practical ways to improve their overall well-being through mindfulness and self-awareness. Tune in to explore how embracing a slower pace can lead to significant personal growth and healing.
How to work with Grace:
- Practitioner Training-Mind Body Integtration Method Founding Cohort
- Mind-Body Healing Method Course – Regulate your nervous system now
- Free Masterclass: How to Know If Your Nervous System Is Behind Your Symptoms
- Work with us in private mind-body coaching
- Subscribe to my Substack for the deeper how-to's
Connect with Grace
Read the transcript
[00:00:00] Hey there, and welcome to Heal with Grace.
[00:00:03] I'm your host, Grace Secker, and I'm a holistic, licensed therapist and nervous system coach
[00:00:08] who believes that the chronic and often unseen symptoms you're living with are a sign of
[00:00:12] something deeper going on.
[00:00:14] A sign that your nervous system needs attention.
[00:00:17] In each episode, I'll share the science behind the most common chronic health disorders
[00:00:21] plus holistic health tips using mental, physical, and spiritual practices.
[00:00:26] You'll hear what I've learned in my journey and the true stories from our trusted guests
[00:00:30] so you can feel less alone in your experience and give yourself grace no matter what you're
[00:00:34] going through.
[00:00:36] So without further ado, settle in and get cozy.
[00:00:38] It's time to Heal with Grace.
[00:00:42] Hello, everybody.
[00:00:44] Happy New Year.
[00:00:45] I feel like it's a great time to do this, and I felt called to do this as well.
[00:00:49] I posted a little bit ago about how really slowing down, and I'll explain exactly
[00:00:55] what that means in your nervous system.
[00:00:57] Well, slowing down in your life can help you really regulate your nervous system, how it's
[00:01:03] honestly kind of like the underlying thread that I find really helps people.
[00:01:09] And the whole point in slowing down, and if you deal with any kind of like chronic fatigue
[00:01:14] or symptoms that make you fatigued or slow down or more of that like shutdown response,
[00:01:21] you might think, okay, I don't need to slow down.
[00:01:23] I need energy.
[00:01:24] So it might sound counterintuitive.
[00:01:26] But let me explain what I mean, because slowing down, not just in your energy, but I mean in
[00:01:30] your mind.
[00:01:31] I mean in your body, because the whole point of regulating your nervous system is being able
[00:01:36] to establish a stronger relationship with yourself, with your internal self, your mental,
[00:01:41] your emotional, your physical and your spiritual self, if that's something spiritual, if that's
[00:01:45] something that you want to be doing.
[00:01:47] And you can't listen.
[00:01:50] We can't listen.
[00:01:51] You can't understand.
[00:01:52] We can't actually give ourselves what we need if we aren't slowing down.
[00:01:57] And what I mean by that truly is how much are you going throughout your day doing one thing
[00:02:03] after another?
[00:02:04] And sometimes I recognize people's lifestyles, everyone's lifestyles are different.
[00:02:08] Some people can't just like sit there and meditate for an hour.
[00:02:12] And that is not what I'm saying.
[00:02:13] I promise it's not what I'm saying.
[00:02:14] If you can be that fantastic and things can definitely come from that, but that's
[00:02:18] not the point of this.
[00:02:20] Slowing down, there's three points that I want to talk about today.
[00:02:23] Slowing down one helps you relate to your symptoms in a different way.
[00:02:28] Your anxiety, your chronic fatigue, your gut issues, your migraines, whatever symptoms
[00:02:33] you're dealing with, your depression is actually not the issue.
[00:02:38] It's how you relate to your symptoms that are the issue.
[00:02:40] And I'm going to say that one more time because I want everyone to understand this.
[00:02:44] Your symptoms are not the issue.
[00:02:48] It's not what you need to detox from your body.
[00:02:51] It's how you relate to the symptoms that are showing up in your body.
[00:02:55] Now I will say that, recognizing that I am not a medical doctor.
[00:03:00] There are medical conditions that actually fully need attention.
[00:03:03] Completely understand that.
[00:03:04] I myself have done that as well.
[00:03:06] But when we have things that are chronic, chronic pain, chronic symptoms that last
[00:03:11] for long periods of time and they keep getting worse, usually it's because our
[00:03:16] anxiety is fueling, our fear of these symptoms is fueling the symptoms and the
[00:03:21] pain to get worse.
[00:03:23] And so when we're actually able to slow down, we can stop that fear from happening.
[00:03:28] We can stop that fear or symptom cycle, which looks like all of a sudden I'm
[00:03:34] experiencing a lot of different symptoms or maybe it's not all of a sudden, maybe
[00:03:37] it's all the time.
[00:03:39] And instead of saying, what am I going to do, what is, it's going to take me
[00:03:42] out of my day, it's going to totally take me out of my week, I can't focus
[00:03:45] on work right now, I can't even focus on this conversation that I'm happy with
[00:03:48] someone else.
[00:03:49] See all of those thoughts in relation to your symptoms is just creating more.
[00:03:53] And this is not to put any kind of shame or guilt on you and telling you that
[00:03:56] you're making everything worse.
[00:03:58] Please do not hear that from this.
[00:03:59] This is not at all.
[00:04:00] I'm helping you understand how slowing down the mind and paying attention
[00:04:06] to the emotions, the sensations that are actually happening and give
[00:04:09] yourself compassion and relate to them in a non-attachment way can
[00:04:14] actually help you.
[00:04:15] And what I mean by that by non-attachment is really releasing the idea that
[00:04:21] your mental and physical health has become your identity.
[00:04:25] Because a lot of times it has, and sometimes it's almost kind of needed
[00:04:28] to, but slowing down helps you release that, release the idea that this
[00:04:33] has to be your life, that you're going to always struggle and never be able
[00:04:38] to do anything else that you don't want to do if you can't get rid of these
[00:04:42] symptoms, get rid of this depression, this anxiety, this fatigue.
[00:04:47] So we do have to release some of that from the idea that it is us,
[00:04:51] that it's here and that it's you as your life.
[00:04:55] It's not your life.
[00:04:56] It's not even you.
[00:04:56] It has nothing to actually do with the core of who you are.
[00:05:00] Number two is when you slow down, it actually allows yourself to have
[00:05:05] an introspective lens and you can't afraid to go there,
[00:05:09] can't be afraid to go there.
[00:05:12] What I mean by that is that we can actually look at our mental health,
[00:05:17] our internal health, our traumas, our experiences of life and how they've
[00:05:21] shaped us and who we are today if we don't actually slow down and take the
[00:05:25] time to do it.
[00:05:26] So for example, these past two days, New Year's Eve, New Year's,
[00:05:30] I knew that I wanted to sit down and I knew that I wanted to
[00:05:34] really just kind of reflect on this past year and then set some
[00:05:37] intentions going forward.
[00:05:38] No crazy resolutions or anything.
[00:05:40] Just like really kind of reflect.
[00:05:41] This is a huge year for me.
[00:05:42] If you just saw, I created a post letting you know that I went through a pretty
[00:05:46] big change this year and I really wanted to give myself that time to reflect.
[00:05:51] And this is something I wanted to do.
[00:05:53] I'm not forcing myself.
[00:05:54] It's not something that I think that is going to change my health in some sort of way.
[00:05:58] Manuel, I procrastinated on this for so long.
[00:06:03] I could do not.
[00:06:04] My whole place is totally plain.
[00:06:06] I did some projects around the house.
[00:06:08] Like I went for a hike.
[00:06:10] I did all these other things except for sit down and do that because I knew it was
[00:06:16] going to bring up some stuff.
[00:06:18] I was going to bring up some emotions.
[00:06:19] I was going to bring up some things that were going to be hard because
[00:06:24] that's an introspective process.
[00:06:25] Introspection means looking at you, looking at yourself, looking at your
[00:06:29] life, looking at what's around you, your environment, the people you're in
[00:06:32] relation to and makes you go in.
[00:06:35] And when we go in, yeah, some things come up.
[00:06:38] Some pain comes up because you're human.
[00:06:40] We're totally human.
[00:06:41] And yeah, some things came up for me.
[00:06:43] And yeah, did I spend way too much time on certain areas that I was
[00:06:47] reflecting on because perfectionism?
[00:06:49] Yeah, I spent way too much time on something that I had to move on.
[00:06:53] Cut myself off and move on.
[00:06:54] But the whole point, the reason that I'm sharing that example is because
[00:06:59] you're always going to want to do something else.
[00:07:01] Your brain is actually primed to not look at what's going on
[00:07:05] underneath the surface, to not look at the pain, not like the
[00:07:08] experiences that have shaped you that have caused you pain.
[00:07:11] Your brain doesn't want to go there because your brain is
[00:07:13] primed to survive.
[00:07:14] It's primed to protect you.
[00:07:17] And so when we are, when it's needed to be able to look at
[00:07:22] what's going on in our lives underneath the surface,
[00:07:26] yeah, of course we're going to do everything else, but that's
[00:07:29] the hard part, also the transformative part.
[00:07:33] When you can put that aside, put that primal brain, that
[00:07:36] fear-based brain aside, and say, you know what?
[00:07:38] Yes, this is scary.
[00:07:39] At the same time, I'm going to look at this here.
[00:07:42] And you might be sitting here saying, okay, but I don't
[00:07:45] know what's going on.
[00:07:45] Like, I don't have any big traumas or anything in my life.
[00:07:47] And I don't have huge experiences that I've been
[00:07:49] through that have shaped me or like causing me symptoms.
[00:07:52] I heard that way too much actually, pretty often,
[00:07:54] especially in the past month or so, I've had multiple people
[00:07:56] tell me that.
[00:07:57] And then we start to, I started to ask some questions
[00:08:00] about just the past few years or even the past year
[00:08:02] before them getting sick or something like that.
[00:08:05] And all of a sudden, there's some things that come out.
[00:08:08] A breakup, a divorce, a life transition, changing careers,
[00:08:13] hating your career, being in a toxic work environment,
[00:08:16] losing a parent, something along those lines where
[00:08:19] people don't realize how much that actually impacts.
[00:08:22] Some of these things are kind of just normalized
[00:08:24] because it's life and it happens,
[00:08:26] but it truly impacts you.
[00:08:28] So let's bring it back to slowing down.
[00:08:30] Sowing down helps you be able to see these things,
[00:08:36] see how they have created certain patterns in your life
[00:08:41] that your body wants to avoid from.
[00:08:43] And when your body wants to avoid from some of these
[00:08:45] painful mental and emotional experiences,
[00:08:49] it creates physical symptoms.
[00:08:51] It creates a stressed out nervous system
[00:08:53] and you get stuck in those places.
[00:08:56] And when your body, when your nervous system becomes stuck,
[00:08:58] then it creates all kinds of things like fatigue,
[00:09:02] like headaches, depression, anxiety,
[00:09:05] gut issues, pain, like all types of things.
[00:09:09] So really, the whole point of becoming introspective
[00:09:12] and not being afraid to go there
[00:09:15] is to be able to sit with some of that stuff
[00:09:19] so that your body doesn't need to protect you against it.
[00:09:22] So I don't know if any of you have watched suits,
[00:09:25] but I was watching it the other day
[00:09:27] in one of my procrastination days
[00:09:29] and one of the main characters said to another main character,
[00:09:32] like, you know what, Lewis, this is part of why I like you.
[00:09:38] You're really not that self-aware,
[00:09:40] but when a mirror is held up to you,
[00:09:42] you are not afraid to look there.
[00:09:44] You're not afraid to look at yourself.
[00:09:45] You're not afraid to go there.
[00:09:47] You'll own it. You'll see it.
[00:09:49] And I just thought that was so awesome.
[00:09:51] That's such a great quote because it means
[00:09:54] that, yeah, okay, maybe you don't have the ability
[00:09:57] to see how things are going in your life
[00:09:59] and how it's affected you,
[00:10:00] which is actually just totally normal.
[00:10:02] You're not going to see it right off the bat.
[00:10:04] But when you're asked to go there,
[00:10:06] when you're prompted, when someone shows you something,
[00:10:10] shows you that mirror,
[00:10:12] that's your opportunity to really look at it.
[00:10:15] Have someone help you look at it.
[00:10:17] Ask trusted people in your life.
[00:10:19] Have a coach, have a therapist help you go there.
[00:10:22] Okay, so that was number two.
[00:10:24] Number three and how slowing down
[00:10:27] actually helps you regulate your nervous system
[00:10:30] is that it allows you to pace your life.
[00:10:33] And if you've been in any kind of programs
[00:10:35] or like chronic illness healing,
[00:10:37] you've probably heard the word pacing.
[00:10:39] So as you regulate your nervous system,
[00:10:41] you're what we call expanding your window of tolerance.
[00:10:44] And if you've been here,
[00:10:45] you've probably heard me talk about that.
[00:10:47] Your window of tolerance is the window
[00:10:50] of the available space, if you will,
[00:10:53] for your nervous system to handle stressors.
[00:10:56] So when you've gone through chronic stress over time,
[00:10:58] think about throughout your lifetime,
[00:11:00] people go through stresses.
[00:11:01] And when that stress is way too much
[00:11:04] for your nervous system to handle,
[00:11:06] it shrinks the tolerance levels.
[00:11:08] So for example,
[00:11:10] some big experiences like losses, transitions,
[00:11:13] definitely pushes us outside of our window of tolerance.
[00:11:16] If you have those things happen over time,
[00:11:17] not just big ones, but little ones,
[00:11:19] it shrinks that window of tolerance
[00:11:21] so that you're unable to process emotions,
[00:11:23] you're unable to process stressors in your life.
[00:11:26] And so when you're unable to process stressors,
[00:11:28] your window of tolerance shrinks,
[00:11:30] and your nervous system can't really handle much.
[00:11:32] It gets super sensitive.
[00:11:34] So every little thing in life just is
[00:11:37] at the top of your tolerance level.
[00:11:40] Every little stressor, every little thing
[00:11:42] is just going to send your nervous system
[00:11:45] into a shutdown or a freeze or something like that.
[00:11:48] So regulating your nervous system
[00:11:50] actually means expanding that window.
[00:11:53] And we can't just all of a sudden
[00:11:55] expand it really far, really overnight,
[00:11:58] or even within a month or two.
[00:12:00] It takes time.
[00:12:02] Because every little time we expand that,
[00:12:04] we have to remind our bodies and our minds
[00:12:06] that we're safe and we're okay to do so.
[00:12:09] So our emotions can be able to,
[00:12:12] we have to tell our bodies that
[00:12:13] the emotional experience we're having is okay.
[00:12:16] So then it knows,
[00:12:17] oh, okay, I can expand that a little bit.
[00:12:19] And next time I feel that,
[00:12:21] okay, I don't have to be so afraid of it.
[00:12:23] So pacing in regulating your nervous system
[00:12:26] means taking things slow,
[00:12:30] introducing something, one thing at a time.
[00:12:34] For instance, hiking.
[00:12:36] If you've been here, you know that I love the mountains
[00:12:39] and I love hiking.
[00:12:40] There's no way once I started to heal
[00:12:43] some of my fatigue that I would have been able
[00:12:45] to go on the 10 mile hike one day
[00:12:47] than I did just a few months ago.
[00:12:49] I have to work up to that, right?
[00:12:51] I have to work up an elevation.
[00:12:53] I have to work up an elevation gain,
[00:12:55] elevation starting point.
[00:12:56] I have to work up to that and the length,
[00:13:00] where it is, you know,
[00:13:01] there's all kinds of things that affect
[00:13:03] how long I can go.
[00:13:04] And so when you're pacing in your nervous system,
[00:13:08] it takes time.
[00:13:09] Add in one skill.
[00:13:10] See how that goes for a while.
[00:13:11] Add in a second skill.
[00:13:13] See how that goes for a while.
[00:13:14] When you start breathing, that's a skill.
[00:13:17] When you start activating your biggest nerve
[00:13:19] with certain skills, that's a skill.
[00:13:21] When you start using body-based practices
[00:13:23] and really listening to your body, that's a skill.
[00:13:26] When you start journaling
[00:13:27] and learning how to regulate your emotions,
[00:13:29] that's a skill.
[00:13:31] And they're all practices.
[00:13:33] Those practices need to build up over time
[00:13:36] so that you can pace your symptoms
[00:13:39] and continue to increase your window of tolerance.
[00:13:43] So your nervous system knows
[00:13:44] that all these things you're doing
[00:13:46] are actually safe and don't need to be afraid of.
[00:13:49] Another great example is things like food sensitivities.
[00:13:53] Right?
[00:13:53] So a lot of people going down this road
[00:13:55] go to a functional practitioner,
[00:13:57] which again, I love,
[00:13:58] but end up being really afraid of certain foods
[00:14:01] that they're tested for that say they're sensitive to.
[00:14:04] And then all of a sudden,
[00:14:05] they're just taking away all these foods
[00:14:06] and they're telling their brains,
[00:14:08] oh, we can't have that.
[00:14:09] We're really afraid of those foods.
[00:14:11] So anytime you might have them,
[00:14:12] you're going to react.
[00:14:13] But when you start to regulate your nervous system,
[00:14:16] you build up a certain grounding in your nervous system.
[00:14:18] You build up a foundation to where then
[00:14:21] you can start adding some of those foods back in.
[00:14:24] We don't want to just add them all in overnight.
[00:14:26] It's going to stress your nervous system out so much
[00:14:29] so the more that you can slow down
[00:14:31] and do it over time,
[00:14:33] then your nervous system won't be so afraid.
[00:14:36] And you can remind it, it's okay,
[00:14:38] we're just saying this food is not going to hurt me.
[00:14:40] It's actually totally okay.
[00:14:42] That's another way to pace
[00:14:44] and another reason to slow down.
[00:14:47] Once I have fully slowed down in my life,
[00:14:49] I know this very well right now.
[00:14:51] I took out lots of different external factors
[00:14:53] that didn't serve me.
[00:14:54] I built a place where I feel grounded and stable
[00:14:57] and found my routine.
[00:14:58] And once I was able to do that,
[00:15:00] I've actually been able to slow down in my life.
[00:15:02] And now all the reflections are coming.
[00:15:06] And I mean, I will say,
[00:15:08] obviously I'm a therapist.
[00:15:09] I have done lots of self-prolection
[00:15:11] and I'm not asleep probably the past 20 years.
[00:15:14] So that portal, if you will, is kind of open for me.
[00:15:17] At the same time, I mean, it goes for anyone, right?
[00:15:20] If you are in a certain situation,
[00:15:21] your nervous system will not get to a level
[00:15:24] that it's needed to in order to regulate.
[00:15:28] For instance, if you're in a toxic job environment,
[00:15:31] no matter what you do outside of that,
[00:15:33] it could totally help you.
[00:15:34] But if you're still in that toxic job environment,
[00:15:37] your nervous system is not actually going to be able to settle,
[00:15:39] to be able to slow down,
[00:15:41] to then regulate and get out of that scarcity,
[00:15:45] stressed out place that it's in.
[00:15:47] So all these things matter.
[00:15:48] We have to slow down in order to actually look at,
[00:15:51] oh, that thing is impacting me, that job,
[00:15:55] that person, that whatever it is impacting me,
[00:15:57] or the way I talk to myself,
[00:15:59] the way I relate to my symptoms,
[00:16:01] how I'm treating my body, how I'm treating my mind,
[00:16:04] that's stressing out my nervous system.
[00:16:06] We have to slow down and be able to look at these things.
[00:16:09] I want you to remember
[00:16:10] that it is a process, and there's a time and place for everything.
[00:16:15] I truly, truly believe that there is a time and a place
[00:16:20] for all type of healing to take place
[00:16:23] within our minds and our bodies and our lives.
[00:16:25] The universe will not put something in front of you
[00:16:27] that you're not able to handle.
[00:16:28] And I know, you might roll your eyes at that.
[00:16:30] There's more people might get annoyed by that statement.
[00:16:33] And so I have times where I was like,
[00:16:36] dang it, I seriously know I'm going to get it,
[00:16:38] but I don't know if that's true right now.
[00:16:41] I can tell you it's true.
[00:16:43] And if that's something that can bring you some comfort today,
[00:16:45] I hope that it does.
[00:16:47] If you want to learn how to truly regulate,
[00:16:51] please work on slowing down whatever,
[00:16:53] however that works for you.
[00:16:55] I totally recognize you can't always have this like perfect
[00:16:59] because she slowed down like that's not going to happen.
[00:17:02] But what works for your life?
[00:17:04] What works for your day to day?
[00:17:06] You can implement if it's really that important to you.
[00:17:10] Can you take 10 minutes to slow down and breathe?
[00:17:15] That's it.
[00:17:16] That's a way to do it.
[00:17:18] Breathing is one of the quickest ways
[00:17:21] to actually regulate your nervous system.
[00:17:23] Breath is so, so important.
[00:17:25] Hey friend, it's Grace.
[00:17:27] I know you're tired of feeling like managing
[00:17:29] your physical and mental health is just one big moving target.
[00:17:32] I also know that you've spent years of your life
[00:17:34] and hundreds of dollars on doctor's visits,
[00:17:36] juice cleanses, fad diets, and fancy supplements
[00:17:39] only to feel like nothing about your chronic symptoms
[00:17:41] has changed.
[00:17:43] If this sounds like you, consider this your invitation
[00:17:45] to find a holistic health protocol that works
[00:17:47] for you and your body,
[00:17:48] even if you have chronic symptoms,
[00:17:50] unhealed trauma, or a dysregulated nervous system.
[00:17:53] That's exactly what's waiting for you inside
[00:17:55] the Mind Body Healing Method,
[00:17:57] my 12-week group program that's designed
[00:17:59] to help you say body or chronic symptoms
[00:18:01] through learning how to regulate your nervous system,
[00:18:04] retrain your brain, and heal unresolved trauma.
[00:18:07] Our clients have found relief from even the most
[00:18:09] chronic of symptoms including fibromyalgia,
[00:18:11] sciatica, migraines, gut issues,
[00:18:14] and other uncomfortable symptoms without pills
[00:18:16] or a long list of rituals and regimens.
[00:18:19] If you'd like to learn more about our program,
[00:18:21] head over to the show notes and learn more.
[00:18:23] Because the truth is that there is a protocol
[00:18:26] that works for you,
[00:18:27] you just might not have found the right balance
[00:18:29] for your body yet.
[00:18:31] If this podcast means something to you,
[00:18:33] it would mean so much to me
[00:18:34] if you could do these couple things.
[00:18:36] One, go to the Heal With Grace Show page
[00:18:38] wherever you listen
[00:18:40] and tap the plus sign or click on the follow button
[00:18:42] so you don't miss an episode.
[00:18:44] It helps both of us out.
[00:18:45] While you're there,
[00:18:46] if you could give a five-star review
[00:18:48] so that this podcast can reach more people,
[00:18:51] it would mean so much to me
[00:18:53] so I can continue sharing episodes
[00:18:54] that help you as well as others.
[00:18:57] Thanks for listening
[00:18:58] and I hope this brings you hope on your journey.
[00:00:03] I'm your host, Grace Secker, and I'm a holistic, licensed therapist and nervous system coach
[00:00:08] who believes that the chronic and often unseen symptoms you're living with are a sign of
[00:00:12] something deeper going on.
[00:00:14] A sign that your nervous system needs attention.
[00:00:17] In each episode, I'll share the science behind the most common chronic health disorders
[00:00:21] plus holistic health tips using mental, physical, and spiritual practices.
[00:00:26] You'll hear what I've learned in my journey and the true stories from our trusted guests
[00:00:30] so you can feel less alone in your experience and give yourself grace no matter what you're
[00:00:34] going through.
[00:00:36] So without further ado, settle in and get cozy.
[00:00:38] It's time to Heal with Grace.
[00:00:42] Hello, everybody.
[00:00:44] Happy New Year.
[00:00:45] I feel like it's a great time to do this, and I felt called to do this as well.
[00:00:49] I posted a little bit ago about how really slowing down, and I'll explain exactly
[00:00:55] what that means in your nervous system.
[00:00:57] Well, slowing down in your life can help you really regulate your nervous system, how it's
[00:01:03] honestly kind of like the underlying thread that I find really helps people.
[00:01:09] And the whole point in slowing down, and if you deal with any kind of like chronic fatigue
[00:01:14] or symptoms that make you fatigued or slow down or more of that like shutdown response,
[00:01:21] you might think, okay, I don't need to slow down.
[00:01:23] I need energy.
[00:01:24] So it might sound counterintuitive.
[00:01:26] But let me explain what I mean, because slowing down, not just in your energy, but I mean in
[00:01:30] your mind.
[00:01:31] I mean in your body, because the whole point of regulating your nervous system is being able
[00:01:36] to establish a stronger relationship with yourself, with your internal self, your mental,
[00:01:41] your emotional, your physical and your spiritual self, if that's something spiritual, if that's
[00:01:45] something that you want to be doing.
[00:01:47] And you can't listen.
[00:01:50] We can't listen.
[00:01:51] You can't understand.
[00:01:52] We can't actually give ourselves what we need if we aren't slowing down.
[00:01:57] And what I mean by that truly is how much are you going throughout your day doing one thing
[00:02:03] after another?
[00:02:04] And sometimes I recognize people's lifestyles, everyone's lifestyles are different.
[00:02:08] Some people can't just like sit there and meditate for an hour.
[00:02:12] And that is not what I'm saying.
[00:02:13] I promise it's not what I'm saying.
[00:02:14] If you can be that fantastic and things can definitely come from that, but that's
[00:02:18] not the point of this.
[00:02:20] Slowing down, there's three points that I want to talk about today.
[00:02:23] Slowing down one helps you relate to your symptoms in a different way.
[00:02:28] Your anxiety, your chronic fatigue, your gut issues, your migraines, whatever symptoms
[00:02:33] you're dealing with, your depression is actually not the issue.
[00:02:38] It's how you relate to your symptoms that are the issue.
[00:02:40] And I'm going to say that one more time because I want everyone to understand this.
[00:02:44] Your symptoms are not the issue.
[00:02:48] It's not what you need to detox from your body.
[00:02:51] It's how you relate to the symptoms that are showing up in your body.
[00:02:55] Now I will say that, recognizing that I am not a medical doctor.
[00:03:00] There are medical conditions that actually fully need attention.
[00:03:03] Completely understand that.
[00:03:04] I myself have done that as well.
[00:03:06] But when we have things that are chronic, chronic pain, chronic symptoms that last
[00:03:11] for long periods of time and they keep getting worse, usually it's because our
[00:03:16] anxiety is fueling, our fear of these symptoms is fueling the symptoms and the
[00:03:21] pain to get worse.
[00:03:23] And so when we're actually able to slow down, we can stop that fear from happening.
[00:03:28] We can stop that fear or symptom cycle, which looks like all of a sudden I'm
[00:03:34] experiencing a lot of different symptoms or maybe it's not all of a sudden, maybe
[00:03:37] it's all the time.
[00:03:39] And instead of saying, what am I going to do, what is, it's going to take me
[00:03:42] out of my day, it's going to totally take me out of my week, I can't focus
[00:03:45] on work right now, I can't even focus on this conversation that I'm happy with
[00:03:48] someone else.
[00:03:49] See all of those thoughts in relation to your symptoms is just creating more.
[00:03:53] And this is not to put any kind of shame or guilt on you and telling you that
[00:03:56] you're making everything worse.
[00:03:58] Please do not hear that from this.
[00:03:59] This is not at all.
[00:04:00] I'm helping you understand how slowing down the mind and paying attention
[00:04:06] to the emotions, the sensations that are actually happening and give
[00:04:09] yourself compassion and relate to them in a non-attachment way can
[00:04:14] actually help you.
[00:04:15] And what I mean by that by non-attachment is really releasing the idea that
[00:04:21] your mental and physical health has become your identity.
[00:04:25] Because a lot of times it has, and sometimes it's almost kind of needed
[00:04:28] to, but slowing down helps you release that, release the idea that this
[00:04:33] has to be your life, that you're going to always struggle and never be able
[00:04:38] to do anything else that you don't want to do if you can't get rid of these
[00:04:42] symptoms, get rid of this depression, this anxiety, this fatigue.
[00:04:47] So we do have to release some of that from the idea that it is us,
[00:04:51] that it's here and that it's you as your life.
[00:04:55] It's not your life.
[00:04:56] It's not even you.
[00:04:56] It has nothing to actually do with the core of who you are.
[00:05:00] Number two is when you slow down, it actually allows yourself to have
[00:05:05] an introspective lens and you can't afraid to go there,
[00:05:09] can't be afraid to go there.
[00:05:12] What I mean by that is that we can actually look at our mental health,
[00:05:17] our internal health, our traumas, our experiences of life and how they've
[00:05:21] shaped us and who we are today if we don't actually slow down and take the
[00:05:25] time to do it.
[00:05:26] So for example, these past two days, New Year's Eve, New Year's,
[00:05:30] I knew that I wanted to sit down and I knew that I wanted to
[00:05:34] really just kind of reflect on this past year and then set some
[00:05:37] intentions going forward.
[00:05:38] No crazy resolutions or anything.
[00:05:40] Just like really kind of reflect.
[00:05:41] This is a huge year for me.
[00:05:42] If you just saw, I created a post letting you know that I went through a pretty
[00:05:46] big change this year and I really wanted to give myself that time to reflect.
[00:05:51] And this is something I wanted to do.
[00:05:53] I'm not forcing myself.
[00:05:54] It's not something that I think that is going to change my health in some sort of way.
[00:05:58] Manuel, I procrastinated on this for so long.
[00:06:03] I could do not.
[00:06:04] My whole place is totally plain.
[00:06:06] I did some projects around the house.
[00:06:08] Like I went for a hike.
[00:06:10] I did all these other things except for sit down and do that because I knew it was
[00:06:16] going to bring up some stuff.
[00:06:18] I was going to bring up some emotions.
[00:06:19] I was going to bring up some things that were going to be hard because
[00:06:24] that's an introspective process.
[00:06:25] Introspection means looking at you, looking at yourself, looking at your
[00:06:29] life, looking at what's around you, your environment, the people you're in
[00:06:32] relation to and makes you go in.
[00:06:35] And when we go in, yeah, some things come up.
[00:06:38] Some pain comes up because you're human.
[00:06:40] We're totally human.
[00:06:41] And yeah, some things came up for me.
[00:06:43] And yeah, did I spend way too much time on certain areas that I was
[00:06:47] reflecting on because perfectionism?
[00:06:49] Yeah, I spent way too much time on something that I had to move on.
[00:06:53] Cut myself off and move on.
[00:06:54] But the whole point, the reason that I'm sharing that example is because
[00:06:59] you're always going to want to do something else.
[00:07:01] Your brain is actually primed to not look at what's going on
[00:07:05] underneath the surface, to not look at the pain, not like the
[00:07:08] experiences that have shaped you that have caused you pain.
[00:07:11] Your brain doesn't want to go there because your brain is
[00:07:13] primed to survive.
[00:07:14] It's primed to protect you.
[00:07:17] And so when we are, when it's needed to be able to look at
[00:07:22] what's going on in our lives underneath the surface,
[00:07:26] yeah, of course we're going to do everything else, but that's
[00:07:29] the hard part, also the transformative part.
[00:07:33] When you can put that aside, put that primal brain, that
[00:07:36] fear-based brain aside, and say, you know what?
[00:07:38] Yes, this is scary.
[00:07:39] At the same time, I'm going to look at this here.
[00:07:42] And you might be sitting here saying, okay, but I don't
[00:07:45] know what's going on.
[00:07:45] Like, I don't have any big traumas or anything in my life.
[00:07:47] And I don't have huge experiences that I've been
[00:07:49] through that have shaped me or like causing me symptoms.
[00:07:52] I heard that way too much actually, pretty often,
[00:07:54] especially in the past month or so, I've had multiple people
[00:07:56] tell me that.
[00:07:57] And then we start to, I started to ask some questions
[00:08:00] about just the past few years or even the past year
[00:08:02] before them getting sick or something like that.
[00:08:05] And all of a sudden, there's some things that come out.
[00:08:08] A breakup, a divorce, a life transition, changing careers,
[00:08:13] hating your career, being in a toxic work environment,
[00:08:16] losing a parent, something along those lines where
[00:08:19] people don't realize how much that actually impacts.
[00:08:22] Some of these things are kind of just normalized
[00:08:24] because it's life and it happens,
[00:08:26] but it truly impacts you.
[00:08:28] So let's bring it back to slowing down.
[00:08:30] Sowing down helps you be able to see these things,
[00:08:36] see how they have created certain patterns in your life
[00:08:41] that your body wants to avoid from.
[00:08:43] And when your body wants to avoid from some of these
[00:08:45] painful mental and emotional experiences,
[00:08:49] it creates physical symptoms.
[00:08:51] It creates a stressed out nervous system
[00:08:53] and you get stuck in those places.
[00:08:56] And when your body, when your nervous system becomes stuck,
[00:08:58] then it creates all kinds of things like fatigue,
[00:09:02] like headaches, depression, anxiety,
[00:09:05] gut issues, pain, like all types of things.
[00:09:09] So really, the whole point of becoming introspective
[00:09:12] and not being afraid to go there
[00:09:15] is to be able to sit with some of that stuff
[00:09:19] so that your body doesn't need to protect you against it.
[00:09:22] So I don't know if any of you have watched suits,
[00:09:25] but I was watching it the other day
[00:09:27] in one of my procrastination days
[00:09:29] and one of the main characters said to another main character,
[00:09:32] like, you know what, Lewis, this is part of why I like you.
[00:09:38] You're really not that self-aware,
[00:09:40] but when a mirror is held up to you,
[00:09:42] you are not afraid to look there.
[00:09:44] You're not afraid to look at yourself.
[00:09:45] You're not afraid to go there.
[00:09:47] You'll own it. You'll see it.
[00:09:49] And I just thought that was so awesome.
[00:09:51] That's such a great quote because it means
[00:09:54] that, yeah, okay, maybe you don't have the ability
[00:09:57] to see how things are going in your life
[00:09:59] and how it's affected you,
[00:10:00] which is actually just totally normal.
[00:10:02] You're not going to see it right off the bat.
[00:10:04] But when you're asked to go there,
[00:10:06] when you're prompted, when someone shows you something,
[00:10:10] shows you that mirror,
[00:10:12] that's your opportunity to really look at it.
[00:10:15] Have someone help you look at it.
[00:10:17] Ask trusted people in your life.
[00:10:19] Have a coach, have a therapist help you go there.
[00:10:22] Okay, so that was number two.
[00:10:24] Number three and how slowing down
[00:10:27] actually helps you regulate your nervous system
[00:10:30] is that it allows you to pace your life.
[00:10:33] And if you've been in any kind of programs
[00:10:35] or like chronic illness healing,
[00:10:37] you've probably heard the word pacing.
[00:10:39] So as you regulate your nervous system,
[00:10:41] you're what we call expanding your window of tolerance.
[00:10:44] And if you've been here,
[00:10:45] you've probably heard me talk about that.
[00:10:47] Your window of tolerance is the window
[00:10:50] of the available space, if you will,
[00:10:53] for your nervous system to handle stressors.
[00:10:56] So when you've gone through chronic stress over time,
[00:10:58] think about throughout your lifetime,
[00:11:00] people go through stresses.
[00:11:01] And when that stress is way too much
[00:11:04] for your nervous system to handle,
[00:11:06] it shrinks the tolerance levels.
[00:11:08] So for example,
[00:11:10] some big experiences like losses, transitions,
[00:11:13] definitely pushes us outside of our window of tolerance.
[00:11:16] If you have those things happen over time,
[00:11:17] not just big ones, but little ones,
[00:11:19] it shrinks that window of tolerance
[00:11:21] so that you're unable to process emotions,
[00:11:23] you're unable to process stressors in your life.
[00:11:26] And so when you're unable to process stressors,
[00:11:28] your window of tolerance shrinks,
[00:11:30] and your nervous system can't really handle much.
[00:11:32] It gets super sensitive.
[00:11:34] So every little thing in life just is
[00:11:37] at the top of your tolerance level.
[00:11:40] Every little stressor, every little thing
[00:11:42] is just going to send your nervous system
[00:11:45] into a shutdown or a freeze or something like that.
[00:11:48] So regulating your nervous system
[00:11:50] actually means expanding that window.
[00:11:53] And we can't just all of a sudden
[00:11:55] expand it really far, really overnight,
[00:11:58] or even within a month or two.
[00:12:00] It takes time.
[00:12:02] Because every little time we expand that,
[00:12:04] we have to remind our bodies and our minds
[00:12:06] that we're safe and we're okay to do so.
[00:12:09] So our emotions can be able to,
[00:12:12] we have to tell our bodies that
[00:12:13] the emotional experience we're having is okay.
[00:12:16] So then it knows,
[00:12:17] oh, okay, I can expand that a little bit.
[00:12:19] And next time I feel that,
[00:12:21] okay, I don't have to be so afraid of it.
[00:12:23] So pacing in regulating your nervous system
[00:12:26] means taking things slow,
[00:12:30] introducing something, one thing at a time.
[00:12:34] For instance, hiking.
[00:12:36] If you've been here, you know that I love the mountains
[00:12:39] and I love hiking.
[00:12:40] There's no way once I started to heal
[00:12:43] some of my fatigue that I would have been able
[00:12:45] to go on the 10 mile hike one day
[00:12:47] than I did just a few months ago.
[00:12:49] I have to work up to that, right?
[00:12:51] I have to work up an elevation.
[00:12:53] I have to work up an elevation gain,
[00:12:55] elevation starting point.
[00:12:56] I have to work up to that and the length,
[00:13:00] where it is, you know,
[00:13:01] there's all kinds of things that affect
[00:13:03] how long I can go.
[00:13:04] And so when you're pacing in your nervous system,
[00:13:08] it takes time.
[00:13:09] Add in one skill.
[00:13:10] See how that goes for a while.
[00:13:11] Add in a second skill.
[00:13:13] See how that goes for a while.
[00:13:14] When you start breathing, that's a skill.
[00:13:17] When you start activating your biggest nerve
[00:13:19] with certain skills, that's a skill.
[00:13:21] When you start using body-based practices
[00:13:23] and really listening to your body, that's a skill.
[00:13:26] When you start journaling
[00:13:27] and learning how to regulate your emotions,
[00:13:29] that's a skill.
[00:13:31] And they're all practices.
[00:13:33] Those practices need to build up over time
[00:13:36] so that you can pace your symptoms
[00:13:39] and continue to increase your window of tolerance.
[00:13:43] So your nervous system knows
[00:13:44] that all these things you're doing
[00:13:46] are actually safe and don't need to be afraid of.
[00:13:49] Another great example is things like food sensitivities.
[00:13:53] Right?
[00:13:53] So a lot of people going down this road
[00:13:55] go to a functional practitioner,
[00:13:57] which again, I love,
[00:13:58] but end up being really afraid of certain foods
[00:14:01] that they're tested for that say they're sensitive to.
[00:14:04] And then all of a sudden,
[00:14:05] they're just taking away all these foods
[00:14:06] and they're telling their brains,
[00:14:08] oh, we can't have that.
[00:14:09] We're really afraid of those foods.
[00:14:11] So anytime you might have them,
[00:14:12] you're going to react.
[00:14:13] But when you start to regulate your nervous system,
[00:14:16] you build up a certain grounding in your nervous system.
[00:14:18] You build up a foundation to where then
[00:14:21] you can start adding some of those foods back in.
[00:14:24] We don't want to just add them all in overnight.
[00:14:26] It's going to stress your nervous system out so much
[00:14:29] so the more that you can slow down
[00:14:31] and do it over time,
[00:14:33] then your nervous system won't be so afraid.
[00:14:36] And you can remind it, it's okay,
[00:14:38] we're just saying this food is not going to hurt me.
[00:14:40] It's actually totally okay.
[00:14:42] That's another way to pace
[00:14:44] and another reason to slow down.
[00:14:47] Once I have fully slowed down in my life,
[00:14:49] I know this very well right now.
[00:14:51] I took out lots of different external factors
[00:14:53] that didn't serve me.
[00:14:54] I built a place where I feel grounded and stable
[00:14:57] and found my routine.
[00:14:58] And once I was able to do that,
[00:15:00] I've actually been able to slow down in my life.
[00:15:02] And now all the reflections are coming.
[00:15:06] And I mean, I will say,
[00:15:08] obviously I'm a therapist.
[00:15:09] I have done lots of self-prolection
[00:15:11] and I'm not asleep probably the past 20 years.
[00:15:14] So that portal, if you will, is kind of open for me.
[00:15:17] At the same time, I mean, it goes for anyone, right?
[00:15:20] If you are in a certain situation,
[00:15:21] your nervous system will not get to a level
[00:15:24] that it's needed to in order to regulate.
[00:15:28] For instance, if you're in a toxic job environment,
[00:15:31] no matter what you do outside of that,
[00:15:33] it could totally help you.
[00:15:34] But if you're still in that toxic job environment,
[00:15:37] your nervous system is not actually going to be able to settle,
[00:15:39] to be able to slow down,
[00:15:41] to then regulate and get out of that scarcity,
[00:15:45] stressed out place that it's in.
[00:15:47] So all these things matter.
[00:15:48] We have to slow down in order to actually look at,
[00:15:51] oh, that thing is impacting me, that job,
[00:15:55] that person, that whatever it is impacting me,
[00:15:57] or the way I talk to myself,
[00:15:59] the way I relate to my symptoms,
[00:16:01] how I'm treating my body, how I'm treating my mind,
[00:16:04] that's stressing out my nervous system.
[00:16:06] We have to slow down and be able to look at these things.
[00:16:09] I want you to remember
[00:16:10] that it is a process, and there's a time and place for everything.
[00:16:15] I truly, truly believe that there is a time and a place
[00:16:20] for all type of healing to take place
[00:16:23] within our minds and our bodies and our lives.
[00:16:25] The universe will not put something in front of you
[00:16:27] that you're not able to handle.
[00:16:28] And I know, you might roll your eyes at that.
[00:16:30] There's more people might get annoyed by that statement.
[00:16:33] And so I have times where I was like,
[00:16:36] dang it, I seriously know I'm going to get it,
[00:16:38] but I don't know if that's true right now.
[00:16:41] I can tell you it's true.
[00:16:43] And if that's something that can bring you some comfort today,
[00:16:45] I hope that it does.
[00:16:47] If you want to learn how to truly regulate,
[00:16:51] please work on slowing down whatever,
[00:16:53] however that works for you.
[00:16:55] I totally recognize you can't always have this like perfect
[00:16:59] because she slowed down like that's not going to happen.
[00:17:02] But what works for your life?
[00:17:04] What works for your day to day?
[00:17:06] You can implement if it's really that important to you.
[00:17:10] Can you take 10 minutes to slow down and breathe?
[00:17:15] That's it.
[00:17:16] That's a way to do it.
[00:17:18] Breathing is one of the quickest ways
[00:17:21] to actually regulate your nervous system.
[00:17:23] Breath is so, so important.
[00:17:25] Hey friend, it's Grace.
[00:17:27] I know you're tired of feeling like managing
[00:17:29] your physical and mental health is just one big moving target.
[00:17:32] I also know that you've spent years of your life
[00:17:34] and hundreds of dollars on doctor's visits,
[00:17:36] juice cleanses, fad diets, and fancy supplements
[00:17:39] only to feel like nothing about your chronic symptoms
[00:17:41] has changed.
[00:17:43] If this sounds like you, consider this your invitation
[00:17:45] to find a holistic health protocol that works
[00:17:47] for you and your body,
[00:17:48] even if you have chronic symptoms,
[00:17:50] unhealed trauma, or a dysregulated nervous system.
[00:17:53] That's exactly what's waiting for you inside
[00:17:55] the Mind Body Healing Method,
[00:17:57] my 12-week group program that's designed
[00:17:59] to help you say body or chronic symptoms
[00:18:01] through learning how to regulate your nervous system,
[00:18:04] retrain your brain, and heal unresolved trauma.
[00:18:07] Our clients have found relief from even the most
[00:18:09] chronic of symptoms including fibromyalgia,
[00:18:11] sciatica, migraines, gut issues,
[00:18:14] and other uncomfortable symptoms without pills
[00:18:16] or a long list of rituals and regimens.
[00:18:19] If you'd like to learn more about our program,
[00:18:21] head over to the show notes and learn more.
[00:18:23] Because the truth is that there is a protocol
[00:18:26] that works for you,
[00:18:27] you just might not have found the right balance
[00:18:29] for your body yet.
[00:18:31] If this podcast means something to you,
[00:18:33] it would mean so much to me
[00:18:34] if you could do these couple things.
[00:18:36] One, go to the Heal With Grace Show page
[00:18:38] wherever you listen
[00:18:40] and tap the plus sign or click on the follow button
[00:18:42] so you don't miss an episode.
[00:18:44] It helps both of us out.
[00:18:45] While you're there,
[00:18:46] if you could give a five-star review
[00:18:48] so that this podcast can reach more people,
[00:18:51] it would mean so much to me
[00:18:53] so I can continue sharing episodes
[00:18:54] that help you as well as others.
[00:18:57] Thanks for listening
[00:18:58] and I hope this brings you hope on your journey.
