Part 1: The Missing Pieces in Your Healing

[00:00:00] Hey there and welcome to Heal with Grace. I'm your host Grace Secker
[00:00:04] and I'm a holistic licensed therapist and nervous system coach who believes that the chronic and often unseen symptoms
[00:00:10] you're living with are a sign of something deeper going on. A sign that your nervous system needs attention. In each episode
[00:00:17] I'll share the science behind the most common chronic health disorders plus holistic health tips using mental physical and spiritual practices.
[00:00:25] You'll hear what I've learned in my journey and the true stories from our trusted guests
[00:00:30] so you can feel less alone in your experience and give yourself grace no matter what you're going through.
[00:00:35] So without further ado, settle in and get cozy. It's time to heal with Grace.
[00:00:41] Hey friends, welcome back to the Heal with Grace podcast. I'm Grace your host and
[00:00:48] today I'm coming to you from a cozy Sunday afternoon. It's really cloudy here in Colorado and
[00:00:55] I was about to change into something
[00:00:58] I don't know video friendly because we're now on YouTube and I was like
[00:01:03] no, I like my sweatshirt and my sweatpants that I have on that you can't see.
[00:01:10] And I hope that this finds you in a place of comfort or at least will help you feel a little bit more comfortable and hopeful.
[00:01:17] I am starting the three-part series on the missing pieces in your healing.
[00:01:23] I'm gonna demystify some things that people often think are needed in their healing that actually really aren't and then I'm gonna give you what you actually do need.
[00:01:32] So this first episode I titled when you're doing everything right,
[00:01:36] but you're still not healing because this happens so much because there's
[00:01:41] so much out there about what to do, how to feel better, how to be healthy, how to be clean, how to get rid of your pain,
[00:01:47] how to get rid of your symptoms, how to be the cleanest person you could ever be in detoxing and blah blah blah.
[00:01:53] All the things and it's freaking exhausting.
[00:01:56] So I'm gonna get down to the root of all this stuff.
[00:02:00] What is really needed in your healing journey?
[00:02:02] So this series is for the ones who feel like they've tried everything.
[00:02:08] You've read the books, you've done the therapy, you bought the supplements, maybe even saw that one functional medicine doc that your friends swore by.
[00:02:16] And somehow you found yourself in a hole of tracking your symptoms, your food, your supplements,
[00:02:21] and you're still dealing with the same symptoms, but it doesn't really make sense.
[00:02:25] Sometimes it's there, sometimes it's not and you're exhausted and you're confused and you're thinking, what the hell am I missing?
[00:02:32] That question, what am I missing is what we're exploring in this episode.
[00:02:39] So today in part one, we're going to get really honest about one of the biggest missing pieces that keeps people stuck in pain,
[00:02:48] fatigue, flares, burnout, even when they're doing everything.
[00:02:52] And I quote, if you're not watching me right, because the way out and the way through all of this mess that you might feel like that you're in is that it's not another supplement.
[00:03:05] It's not a fancier protocol.
[00:03:07] It's not even really more trauma work, though we love somatics and we definitely work with trauma, but it may not be in the way you think.
[00:03:16] It's about something deeper, the energy you bring to your healing.
[00:03:21] It's the unconscious blueprint that's guiding how you relate to your body and whether that blueprint is built on safety or on control.
[00:03:30] And most of us have been trying to heal from the same nervous system patterns that made us sick in the first place.
[00:03:36] So that's what we're going to talk about today.
[00:03:38] I also highly recommend you save this to come back to it because we often forget this so much.
[00:03:44] I mean, I have to remind myself over and over that the way we approach our healing is actually the way that we heal.
[00:03:50] And if that doesn't make sense at first, believe me, I will explain it.
[00:03:53] So save this, settle in, let's go.
[00:03:57] Okay, so let's talk about your healing blueprint.
[00:04:01] And what do I mean by that?
[00:04:04] Your healing blueprint is the felt orientation of your system that your system has towards healing.
[00:04:12] It's not just what you consciously believe, it's how your nervous system organizes itself around the idea of healing.
[00:04:20] It's the script underneath all your efforts, and most people don't realize they even have one.
[00:04:27] And here's what that blueprint might sound like if we were to write it down.
[00:04:30] If I can just figure out the root cause, I'll finally be okay.
[00:04:34] If I'm still in pain, I must be missing something.
[00:04:37] I can't trust my body until it stops betraying me.
[00:04:40] I have to keep pushing and find the answer.
[00:04:43] Rest is good, but only if I've earned it.
[00:04:45] Healing is a destination, and I'm late getting there, but one day I'll get there and all of this will go away.
[00:04:51] Those blueprints don't come from just nowhere.
[00:04:56] It was shaped by your lived experiences, especially the ones where you felt unsafe, dismissed or broken.
[00:05:03] And what's wild is that most people are trying to heal from inside a blueprint that's still running fear, urgency, and self-surveillance.
[00:05:12] So the body being wise, super wise, stays in a guarded state, because it doesn't feel safe to let go.
[00:05:22] And also, your nervous system actually wants to stay exactly where it is.
[00:05:26] Even though that may not make really logical sense, because you're like, well, it's stressed out, it's not happy.
[00:05:32] Why would it want to stay there?
[00:05:33] Because your nervous system doesn't know necessarily good or bad.
[00:05:37] It just knows known or unknown.
[00:05:39] So it wants to stay in the known.
[00:05:41] It's like, yeah, why would we change?
[00:05:43] We're doing the same thing over and over and over and over, and it's easy to do the same thing over and over and over.
[00:05:48] So I'll remind you that it wants to stay exactly where it is, but also it has an amazing ability to change and to rewire and to shift out
[00:06:01] of stress and into safety.
[00:06:04] Okay, let's pause here and talk science for a second.
[00:06:07] Your nervous system has two primary states, sympathetic, which is the fight or flight and parasympathetic, which is the rest, digest and repair.
[00:06:16] And we need both, but you can't heal if your body is constantly in a low level of stress response, if it's constantly in the fight or flight.
[00:06:25] And most people with chronic symptoms are living in chronic sympathetic activation.
[00:06:29] So I'll explain this a little bit more.
[00:06:32] Our human body is meant to go in from sympathetic to parasympathetic and kind of go in and out because we need both, right?
[00:06:40] When we are in a car and about to get in an accident, we go straight into flight and we swerve the car so we don't get in an accident.
[00:06:47] We very much so need that.
[00:06:49] That is a wonderful response to have.
[00:06:51] We also need the rest and digest and repair so that our body can do things like that.
[00:06:56] We need deep sleep.
[00:06:58] We need to be able to restore.
[00:07:00] But again, when people are in chronic symptoms, you're living in that fight or flight all the time.
[00:07:06] Your sympathetic nervous system is online.
[00:07:09] It's running the show.
[00:07:10] And it might not feel like that to you, but it usually is that way.
[00:07:14] And it may not feel like it just because you've always been that way or at least for a long time now.
[00:07:20] So this means when we're in this chronic sympathetic flight that your body is scanning for danger.
[00:07:26] Even in the middle of your meditation, you're checking symptoms 47 times a day, always checking with your body.
[00:07:33] Oh, do I feel this?
[00:07:34] Oh, where's my pain?
[00:07:34] Oh my gosh, my pain is going to get worse because I'm going to have to go to the bathroom all the time or I have to sit in the car for hours and I can't handle that.
[00:07:41] And you're scanning.
[00:07:43] You're scanning all the time.
[00:07:44] And that's exhausting.
[00:07:46] You're also probably treating your healing like it's a race to be one.
[00:07:49] How fast can you heal?
[00:07:50] How fast can you get better so that you can do X, Y and Z in life?
[00:07:53] And don't get me wrong.
[00:07:54] Like, of course, I want you to feel better.
[00:07:58] I want you to get out of this chronic state of stress, but it doesn't happen overnight and it doesn't happen from a place of urgency and stress in and of itself.
[00:08:08] Even the act of healing becomes a threat because of the pressure you're putting on yourself to get it right.
[00:08:14] But here's the mic drop moment for a second.
[00:08:18] Healing done in a survival state is not healing.
[00:08:23] It's just control dressed up in wellness clothes.
[00:08:27] You cannot fix your way out of chronic symptoms, but you can shift the conditions that your healing lives inside of.
[00:08:35] I'm going to say that again.
[00:08:37] You cannot fix your way out of chronic symptoms, but you can shift the conditions that your healing lives inside of.
[00:08:45] And that's what we're here to do.
[00:08:47] We're here to help your body shift from stress to safety so it doesn't have to have these symptoms anymore.
[00:08:54] I'm going to share a little personal story here.
[00:08:56] So I'm going to take you back to a season in my life where I was starting to learn all of this.
[00:09:00] And I've, you can listen back to my story, but I've gone through different seasons with this work.
[00:09:04] First, it was in terms of true chronic pain like fibromyalgia.
[00:09:08] I did some of this work, but I didn't, it's kind of like I just scratched the surface.
[00:09:13] I got to a level where I did some brain training.
[00:09:16] I had a like very basic understanding of all of this and it actually worked for me.
[00:09:20] But then other symptoms took hold.
[00:09:24] And I was in the throw of everything from gut issues, histamine reactions, migraines, total body shutdown.
[00:09:35] And I would react to so many things, everything.
[00:09:37] I felt like I was about to be living in a bubble soon.
[00:09:40] But then once I started to learn some of this work, I took it on.
[00:09:45] And I was like, oh, okay, I can apply some of the healing principles from my chronic pain to these chronic illness symptoms.
[00:09:53] And it worked.
[00:09:54] It totally worked at first for my some to most of symptoms.
[00:09:58] There were some that were still lingering, that would come and go.
[00:10:02] And if I'm being truly honest, still sometimes come and go these days.
[00:10:05] And I had heightened states of stress or when like trauma was reactivated.
[00:10:10] But what I want to say is that when I started doing this, I was like, okay,
[00:10:15] I'm going to do X, Y, and Z every single day.
[00:10:17] I had the routine.
[00:10:18] I had the therapy.
[00:10:19] I had the somatic tools.
[00:10:20] I was releasing all the food rules that I had.
[00:10:23] I had my journal, my playlist.
[00:10:26] I was doing all the things right.
[00:10:27] Right.
[00:10:28] I then started teaching this work too.
[00:10:30] It's like in the very beginning when I started actually doing this professionally.
[00:10:33] And so I felt because I had to do this professionally that I had to be so good at it all, like perfect at it all.
[00:10:40] Right.
[00:10:40] And so I started to create this like rigidity around the work.
[00:10:44] And my body stopped responding.
[00:10:46] Actually, my body got more stressed out.
[00:10:48] And then all of a sudden it wasn't quote unquote working, but it's not because I wasn't doing it.
[00:10:56] It was from the place where I was doing it from.
[00:10:59] It was this sense of urgency and rigidness and this expectation that I had to be completely healed and could never experience symptoms ever again.
[00:11:09] I thought that was the goal.
[00:11:10] And so it stressed me out so much because I was like, oh my gosh.
[00:11:13] I have this high expectation to be perfect at it, to be completely healed so that, you know, I can help other people heal in a way that's somewhat of a logical thought.
[00:11:23] Right.
[00:11:23] But that's not how it works.
[00:11:25] And so instead I stressed myself out so much expecting myself to be healed and perfect to where my body just brought on more symptoms because that's just not realistic.
[00:11:35] Symptoms are just messengers.
[00:11:37] They speak to us.
[00:11:38] If you're in this world, if you have these symptoms, it means that actually you're really in tune with your body.
[00:11:43] We just kind of have to help you wake up to that, help you understand it.
[00:11:47] But you have a really strong mind and body connection, which we can utilize.
[00:11:51] And that's what I learned that this isn't something to be ashamed of.
[00:11:54] This isn't something to get over necessarily.
[00:11:57] And I'll talk about that because there truly are things that I don't experience at all anymore because of this work.
[00:12:02] But it's also not something to expect to like shame and shun away and like get over and never have anything ever experience again.
[00:12:12] Now I'll give you a couple of examples like the true chronic pain that I used to have where I'd be like crying myself to sleep because it was so difficult.
[00:12:19] I don't experience that anymore.
[00:12:21] Sometimes I might have a little something come up in my neck, my shoulder, which is just my sensitive spot, but I see it.
[00:12:28] I work with it.
[00:12:28] I move through it.
[00:12:30] That's kind of what I mean by it's not perfect, but also it's not taking over my life anymore.
[00:12:35] So the point of this is the way that we approach our healing is everything.
[00:12:41] So what I want to talk about are some of the signs that you might have when you're stuck in a performance based healing pattern.
[00:12:48] So let's bring this into your world for a second.
[00:12:51] Here are some signs that your healing blueprint might be rooted in pressure and not presence.
[00:12:57] So one of those might be that you judge your progress by how few symptoms you have.
[00:13:03] Maybe you feel like a flare means you failed, or maybe you're scared to take a day off your routine.
[00:13:09] Maybe you secretly resent your body for not getting better faster, or maybe you keep searching for the thing that's going to fix it all.
[00:13:17] Now, let's be clear, though, wanting to feel better is not the problem.
[00:13:23] Of course I want you to feel better.
[00:13:25] I want you to feel better.
[00:13:27] I want you to want to feel better.
[00:13:29] The problem is that when you desire to heal gets hijacked by urgency and fear and your nervous system never gets a break.
[00:13:37] That's not your fault.
[00:13:38] That's just the system we've all been swimming in.
[00:13:41] The system that says we have to be perfect.
[00:13:43] The system says that we can never be in pain, that we can never have heartbreak, that we can never have something wrong with us.
[00:13:52] And honestly, I don't even want to say the word wrong because it's not that something's wrong with you.
[00:13:57] It's truly not.
[00:13:59] Being a human means you have mind, body symptoms.
[00:14:03] It's just that some of us have more of them, or more chronic, I guess I should say, and that it happens more often than not.
[00:14:10] But every single human on this planet has had some sort of symptom of the mind-body because that's how our systems work.
[00:14:20] If you're stuck in this rigidity, if you're stuck in this expectation of healing, you're allowed to step out of it.
[00:14:28] Yeah.
[00:14:29] So what do we do instead?
[00:14:32] We rewrite the blueprint, not the positive affirmations and not a new protocol, but with felt experiences of safety, permission and presence.
[00:14:45] And that looks like doing less, but feeling more, making space for grief, not just mindset tools, reconnecting with the part of you that's tired of fighting.
[00:14:59] And when I mean that, I mean, you're turning towards that part of you that you actually really want to avoid.
[00:15:05] Because when we want to avoid things, we push it away, but it never actually goes away, it just stays around in a deeper level.
[00:15:11] So a big part of this work is reconnecting with those parts, actually being with the fear, the deep fear, the grief, the sorrow that we're too afraid and we've been too afraid to face.
[00:15:24] And through this, you're learning how to be with your body and befriend your body, not constantly trying to fix her.
[00:15:32] You're also working with your brain, you're shifting some of the neural networks, you're working with neuroplasticity.
[00:15:38] And it's a really wonderful place to be when you can see your body as a really beautiful, wise system.
[00:15:46] You can see your inner child and your inner parts with love and compassion, and you can be with them so that they don't have to be so afraid, or you really don't have to be so afraid of them.
[00:15:56] This is the real healing work.
[00:15:59] It's not always glamorous, doesn't always make for sexy Instagram content.
[00:16:04] I try, but it doesn't always work that way.
[00:16:07] It's the work that changes everything because it shifts how your body feels on the inside.
[00:16:14] And when your body feels safe, healing becomes possible.
[00:16:20] It's a really powerful shift when you can feel that moment of safety and your body doesn't have to respond with fear.
[00:16:28] It's like this big exhale in your body.
[00:16:32] Ah, yeah, you can release and relieve those stuck places, I want you all to experience it over and over and over and over again.
[00:16:46] So here's my invitation to you, because again, this is so my mission is to really help you get out of this place.
[00:16:54] And if you're listening to this thinking, oh, this is me.
[00:16:59] This is the thing I've been missing, and yeah, I can see myself fighting so hard, and I don't know what to do anymore.
[00:17:07] I want to invite you to my program, the Mind Body Healing Method.
[00:17:12] This is a program truly built out of my heart, with lots of time and research behind it and practicing with people.
[00:17:20] And I've actually already run it for a couple years now, and I've just completely updated it.
[00:17:26] It's gotten a whole new face to it, new practices, a lot deeper learnings.
[00:17:31] And it's my 12-week program for people who are stuck in your symptoms, despite doing all the right things.
[00:17:38] You might be experiencing things like chronic pain, gut issues, pelvic floor issues, migraines, all the things.
[00:17:46] And you're trying so hard, but it's not really working.
[00:17:49] You might be overwhelmed, confused, or burn out on your healing.
[00:17:53] And at the end of the day, you're just ready to stop outsourcing their power and start building trust within yourself.
[00:18:00] Inside the Mind Body Healing Method, we focus on nervous system regulation that's trauma-informed, not a one-size-fits-all.
[00:18:07] We help you understand your specific signals, because everyone's nervous system is different.
[00:18:12] And I want you to get to know yours.
[00:18:15] We help you rewire your healing blueprint through finding presence and safety in your body,
[00:18:21] and truly find that relationship with your body that actually supports healing.
[00:18:26] I created this from the place that I kind of, along my journey, just piecemeal things together to help me.
[00:18:33] And I've now been practicing with clients for years now, and we've been seeing some really amazing results.
[00:18:39] Clients who were just about to be bedridden with and felt like they could never go anywhere outside to fully being in their life again.
[00:18:46] Clients truly finding relief from some of the worst pains in their body and not having those symptoms anymore.
[00:18:53] And really, the biggest piece to all of this that I hear time and time again is that people are so surprised.
[00:18:59] They didn't even actually know that they needed to feel better in their bodies, meaning they didn't even know what safety meant.
[00:19:07] That doesn't even like resonate.
[00:19:09] Like, what does that even mean?
[00:19:10] And they walk away with, I know how to feel safe in my body.
[00:19:14] I know what to do, and I know how to help myself.
[00:19:17] And I actually now just get to be in my life.
[00:19:19] And it's been so cool to see.
[00:19:21] So this whole program is not about fixing you.
[00:19:24] It's about meeting you exactly where you are and finally giving your body what it's been asking for.
[00:19:31] So doors open very soon now.
[00:19:35] This is going out in April.
[00:19:38] We start in May and doors open ASAP.
[00:19:44] So find the link below to get on the wait list, because if you're on the wait list, when we open doors, you'll be the first to know.
[00:19:52] And if you grab a spot, you'll get 50% off, which is pretty wild.
[00:19:56] But I want to get in as many people as I can that I can help, right?
[00:20:00] And so you were trying to make this as accessible as possible.
[00:20:04] So get on that wait list.
[00:20:06] So you can get that 50% off.
[00:20:07] You don't get it if you're not on that wait list and you'll be the first to know when doors open.
[00:20:11] And if you have any questions about it at all, please DM me on Instagram.
[00:20:15] I'll send you the details.
[00:20:16] I'll talk you through it to see if it's right for you.
[00:20:19] And I really hope that you do that you join us.
[00:20:22] You're ready for this.
[00:20:23] If you're listening to this and it resonates, you're ready.
[00:20:26] So here's what I want to leave you with.
[00:20:28] You are not behind.
[00:20:30] You are not broken.
[00:20:31] You're not doing it wrong.
[00:20:33] You're just working from a blueprint that was built in a world that
[00:20:38] taught you urgency, perfectionism, high expectations are the answers.
[00:20:43] But urgency isn't healing.
[00:20:45] Control isn't healing.
[00:20:47] Hustle isn't healing.
[00:20:48] Safety is, softness is and slowness is.
[00:20:54] Your body has never stopped trying to protect you.
[00:20:57] And now maybe for the first time, you get to protect her too.
[00:21:02] So thanks for being here.
[00:21:05] I will see you next week for part two of the missing pieces in your healing
[00:21:09] where we dive deeper into the nervous system and why it's the secret
[00:21:13] power behind every healing journey, whether you realize it or not.
[00:21:17] Take care, my friend.
[00:21:18] You're doing better than you think and keep healing with grace.
[00:21:22] If this podcast means something to you, it would mean so much to me
[00:21:25] if you could do these couple things.
[00:21:27] One, go to the Heal with Grace Show page wherever you listen and
[00:21:31] tap the plus sign or click on the follow button so you don't miss an episode.
[00:21:35] It helps both of us out.
[00:21:36] While you're there, if you could give a five star review so that this
[00:21:40] podcast can reach more people, it would mean so much to me.
[00:21:44] So I can continue sharing episodes that help you as well as others.
[00:21:48] Thanks for listening and I hope this brings you hope on your journey.