Why Your Pain Might Flare up Right Before It Fades

[00:00:00] Hey there and welcome to Heal With Grace. I'm your host Grace Secker
[00:00:04] and I'm a holistic licensed therapist and nervous system coach who believes that the chronic and often unseen symptoms
[00:00:10] you're living with are a sign of something deeper going on. A sign that your nervous system needs attention. In each episode
[00:00:17] I'll share the science behind the most common chronic health disorders plus holistic health tips using mental physical and spiritual practices.
[00:00:25] You'll hear what I've learned in my journey and the true stories from our trusted guests
[00:00:30] so you can feel less alone in your experience and give yourself grace no matter what you're going through.
[00:00:35] So without further ado, settle in and get cozy. It's time to Heal With Grace.
[00:00:40] Hello loves and welcome back to the Heal With Grace podcast
[00:00:46] where we talk about the mind-body connection, nervous system healing and what it really means to feel safe in your body.
[00:00:53] This is gonna be a really important episode if you have
[00:00:57] started to understand about the mind-body work. If you've been in any kind of pain reprocessing therapy work,
[00:01:04] nervous system healing and you're kind of like, okay, I'm doing this but then
[00:01:08] this other symptom pops up or like it got worse or something like that.
[00:01:12] This is totally for you if you're feeling that way and actually if you're not, if you're still new to this work
[00:01:17] this is still actually incredibly important to understand. So please, please listen.
[00:01:23] It's
[00:01:25] really about
[00:01:26] helping you understand actually what's going on when your symptoms feel like it's up here or they're down here or it's better.
[00:01:33] Oh my gosh, it's so much worse and it's like going this all around or it's feeling like whack-a-mole.
[00:01:37] You're hitting one symptom another one pops up. Yeah, when you're here and you're like, what the hell am I doing something wrong?
[00:01:43] This is for you and this moment is part of the healing arc.
[00:01:48] So you might be experiencing what we call an extinction burst and
[00:01:52] this is one of those things that can feel super discouraging unless you understand what's actually happening and then you can be like,
[00:01:59] oh, I know what's happening. It's okay. Right? So let's talk about it. First and foremost,
[00:02:04] what is an extinction burst?
[00:02:06] So in behavioral psychology, an extinction burst is what happens when a learned behavior
[00:02:12] stops getting the response it used to and the brain freaks out a little.
[00:02:17] So you've been in the same response, stress response for a long time and your body likes it because it likes
[00:02:22] known things. It likes something that is just to do it normal, like the same.
[00:02:29] It doesn't like change. In the context of chronic pain and symptoms and pain reprocessing therapy,
[00:02:35] what this means is if your brain has been sending you danger signals aka pain, tension, fatigue,
[00:02:42] reactions and you usually respond with fear or overthinking or trying to fix it and then you stop doing that.
[00:02:51] You stop feeding the fear loop and the brain might start intensifying those signals temporarily.
[00:02:57] It's like the brain is saying, wait, this used to work to keep you safe. What are you doing to ignore me?
[00:03:04] Why are you ignoring me? Right? So this is what's called an extinction burst, a temporary spike in symptoms when you begin to break an old conditioned response.
[00:03:14] So furthermore, what this means is that remember pain is a danger signal. Symptoms are a danger signal.
[00:03:21] In chronic conditions, it's often a false alarm. So when you start responding differently, less fear,
[00:03:28] more curiosity and a little more compassion for yourself, the brain doesn't always back off immediately.
[00:03:35] It's like, it's not like, oh, you all of a sudden do a mindfulness practice or somatic tracking practice
[00:03:39] and you reduce your fear and your symptoms just go away. That would be really cool, but it doesn't always work like that.
[00:03:45] So instead, it may temporarily increase the symptoms to test whether the old fear response is still active.
[00:03:54] It's kind of like your brain's like, wait, I don't want this to change. So are you sure this is the right way to go?
[00:03:59] I'm going to challenge you. I'm going to really challenge you to like actually see if this stuff works.
[00:04:05] And this is called an extinction burst. It's actually a good sign.
[00:04:11] It means that the rewiring is working. So let me say that again. This is not a sign of failure.
[00:04:19] This is not a sign of failure. It's a sign of change. So let me give you a few of examples.
[00:04:27] One of my clients who has dealt, deals with a lot of pelvic pain had been doing beautifully.
[00:04:34] She had actually started to decrease some of her bladder pain and urgency through daily somatic
[00:04:39] tracking, started walking around her neighborhood going longer times without having to urinate
[00:04:45] and was able to sleep through the night. And then one day after going out to dinner,
[00:04:52] this is her association, right? She associates what she ate with a massive flare.
[00:04:57] We had to remind her it's not what you ate. She thought she had ruined her progress,
[00:05:02] but we looked at it together and it was so clear. She just, she hadn't regressed.
[00:05:06] Her pain was just simply recalibrating. This was the extinction burst. Two days later,
[00:05:12] her pain lowered and eventually stayed there. But this is not mean you did something wrong.
[00:05:18] When we have extinction burst and our pain increases, it is not something you're doing wrong.
[00:05:24] And it's really easy to go there because through this work, we're kind of teaching you like,
[00:05:28] Oh, you can help yourself, right? You can quote unquote, heal yourself. So then when we feel
[00:05:33] that way, when we believe it, then when something goes wrong, we do, we think it's
[00:05:36] our fault, but it's not a promise. You, it is not your fault. You're actually not
[00:05:41] that in control. You can, you're not, you're just not. So I'll also share, share an example of my own
[00:05:49] experience. I actually just a few months ago, or something like that, a couple of months ago,
[00:05:56] and this is coming out in like May of 2025, I've been updating, I think you all know,
[00:06:01] I've been updating the mind, body healing method and getting really excited about it.
[00:06:05] But at the same time, it's a lot. I thought that I could get farther along than I have been.
[00:06:12] Like I was like, Oh, I can get it all updated by this date. And time went by and I was like,
[00:06:17] Oh, that's a lot. And so, although I love this work, recording, planning, tech issues, getting
[00:06:25] it all together, making sure that like, making sure that it's really good. Like I just want
[00:06:30] this to be really good. I really wanted to help people. I had a lot of pressure on myself.
[00:06:34] Like I was, I was under some stress for sure. I had some symptoms come back. I hadn't had in a while.
[00:06:39] There was one week specifically. Yeah, I swear, this is like a comical. I kind of just had to laugh
[00:06:45] at it. Every day for that week, like five days straight, I had a new symptom, like
[00:06:52] cluster of symptoms. One day, it was like deep, deep fatigue, like deep fatigue.
[00:07:00] I worked with it. I meditated. I shifted my awareness. I reduced fear. I meditated with my
[00:07:08] heart center shifted my subconscious fears. It's like, okay, I feel like I've got this. But,
[00:07:13] you know, for the last longer, that's okay too. The next day, I had all these good issues.
[00:07:19] I had bladder issues had to pee all the time. Now it's like, okay, new symptoms.
[00:07:28] I mean, I'm not going to lie. There's definitely some frustration and I started to think I was
[00:07:32] associating with like, wait, what do I do wrong? Do I take something? Do I eat something? And I was
[00:07:36] like, no, no, that's not it. So I worked with it. Soothe my nervous system, did some visualization
[00:07:42] and really just kept going. Be with it the next day. I had a pain in my neck and my shoulder.
[00:07:49] That's like a thing. And the next, it was like literally each day was something new.
[00:07:54] I've never, I've never experienced it in that short of a time period before, but I was like,
[00:08:00] oh my gosh, my body's literally like, okay, you've got to prove that you can work with this if you
[00:08:06] want to teach people. That's my interpretation of it. That's what I feel like my body and spirit
[00:08:12] in the universe were sending me. It was like sending me tests of like, are you sure you
[00:08:15] want to do this work? Are you sure? Can you do this? At the end of that, as I worked
[00:08:20] through it, actually it was like really empowering to be like, yeah, I can do this.
[00:08:23] I can work through it. Maybe some of those days sucked. Do you know what? I can be with it.
[00:08:28] I can be with the symptoms that are there and also still be present in my life.
[00:08:32] So it's almost like my body was purging old survival patterns before releasing it.
[00:08:38] So why does this happen through the nervous system lens? When your nervous system has been
[00:08:45] conditioned to expect danger, safety feels unfamiliar and unfamiliar doesn't always feel
[00:08:53] safe, right? So when you start to send safety signals to the brain through breathwork,
[00:08:59] somatics, curiosity, visualization, it might go like, oh, this feels really weird. I don't
[00:09:05] trust it yet. So it pushes back. That's the extinction burst. But keep going. I don't know
[00:09:12] why I whispered that. Keep going. You are literally teaching your brain a new language.
[00:09:18] You are learning to speak the language of your body. That takes time and practice.
[00:09:24] And you're also shifting habits that your brain and your body has been in. And we know
[00:09:28] that habits take time to shift. They take consistent practice. And every time you feel
[00:09:36] like it's not working or you're quote unquote failing at it, that's the time to give back
[00:09:41] to yourself, to give yourself that compassion and grace and know that this is part of the
[00:09:46] process. So it's almost like I want you to expect this to happen. Like I want you to expect
[00:09:50] that it's not just all going to go well. You're going to go up and down and healing is never
[00:09:54] linear, right? So it's going to look a million different ways. So how do you respond to an
[00:10:02] extinction burst like this? Burst and foremost, I want you to normalize it. Say to yourself,
[00:10:11] this is my brain's way of testing the new path. I'm not doing anything wrong. And that alone
[00:10:18] can shift the fear. Just understanding that there's nothing wrong actually helps soothe
[00:10:24] your brain and your nervous system. So the second thing I want you to do in response is use
[00:10:31] your tools but gently don't throw every nervous system tool at the flare and desperation.
[00:10:36] That sends the message that you're panicking. Instead, slow down, use one tool you trust,
[00:10:45] use some regulation and grounding practices, a grounding touch, a self hug, a slow exhale,
[00:10:57] orienting with your senses, looking at the fear response, what kind of fear is showing up?
[00:11:05] Are you afraid this will never go away? Are you afraid you've got it wrong? Are you blaming
[00:11:09] yourself? Are you shaming yourself? What kind of fear is there? And remind your body that it's
[00:11:15] safe to feel what it's feeling and that there's actually nothing wrong with you, that your body
[00:11:21] is okay. The way you respond to yourself and to your body changes the way your nervous system
[00:11:27] gives you, sends you signals. So if you respond with fear and anxiety and shame and guilt,
[00:11:33] it's just going to send you more signals. If you respond with compassion and love and grace,
[00:11:42] it's like an exhale in the nervous system. You can expand yourself into that calm,
[00:11:48] regulated state. I'm not saying it's going to go perfectly but we're not looking for perfection.
[00:11:54] We are looking for trust and consistency and compassion. How many times can I say
[00:12:01] compassion in these podcast episodes all the time? The next thing I want you to do, last but not least,
[00:12:10] is to keep living your life. Let the symptoms be in the background while you stay connected to
[00:12:16] what's meaningful to you. That is how the rewiring sticks. So in my example earlier,
[00:12:24] did I have a hard week that week? Yeah, you know, was everything getting done? Maybe not
[00:12:29] everything but I didn't allow it to take me out of my life whereas before, oh my gosh, yeah,
[00:12:34] there'd be so many days I would just be like, oh, I can't work. I have to stay in bed. I can't do
[00:12:38] this. I can't do that. But that's what your symptoms are wanting you to do. So you're expanding
[00:12:44] your capacity to be with what symptoms you're experiencing and still be in your life. You
[00:12:51] don't have to show up perfectly every day. You don't have to show up happy and healthy or
[00:12:56] actually, I don't know why I said healthy. You are healthy. You don't have to show up happy. You
[00:13:01] don't have to show up perfect. You don't have to show up in your high energetic self. I just want
[00:13:07] you to show up as you in that moment where you are. So if that means you're a little bit more
[00:13:12] quiet that day around people or that means that you don't get as much done as you think you
[00:13:17] needed to, that's okay. But you still show up doing the thing even though you're having
[00:13:23] symptoms. This was a really big shift for me actually like huge and somewhat recently,
[00:13:29] I mean, I'm not going to lie to where I expanded my capacity to be with even some of the worst
[00:13:35] symptoms and still be in my life actually still work and still be okay doing it. So I was
[00:13:44] allowed, I was being with the difficult symptom and being with in my life knowing those both
[00:13:50] can't exist. That's so powerful. Yeah. So I want to actually I want you to save this. I want you
[00:13:57] to save this episode. You can come back to it time and time again because this is going to be
[00:14:01] really important to listen to when you're in those times of like despair and fail and feeling
[00:14:05] like a failure and not knowing what to do. And if you're in this right now, if you're in an
[00:14:10] extinction burst right now, I want to say that I see you. Oh, I just want to give you all
[00:14:15] the love and that you're not broken. You are in the messy beautiful middle of rewiring.
[00:14:23] This is the nervous system stretching into a new way of being. And yes,
[00:14:28] it gets loud before it gets quiet. But the quiet is coming in this episode. I hope that
[00:14:36] you found a little bit of solace, a little bit of a yeah. This is exactly what I help you
[00:14:43] understand and do in the My Body Healing Method. It is my cornerstone of everything I've learned
[00:14:51] and taught and applied to myself, applied to clients and I'm giving it all to the My Body
[00:14:57] Healing Method. And seriously, every week I'm like, oh, this should be added. Oh,
[00:15:01] I want to tell them this, like, oh, this is really important too. And I'm always updating
[00:15:05] and changing and like giving you more. And it's a really easy framework to follow too.
[00:15:09] This extinction burst, by the way, is going straight into the My Body Healing Method
[00:15:13] with examples and tools. So I've heard countless times again that people found a lot of
[00:15:20] really wonderful community and just like learning tools and hope in their healing
[00:15:27] throughout the whole program. So if this has resonated with you and you're still trying
[00:15:31] to understand like, where am I in all of this? And just really want some support,
[00:15:36] right? Like we need weekly support. At least I do. Whenever I've tried to like go lonesome
[00:15:41] and heal myself, like it doesn't always go very well because then I feel isolated.
[00:15:45] But the support that I end up getting from a person from a group has always been so
[00:15:50] transformational, which is exactly why I do what I do. So if this resonates with you,
[00:15:56] if you have been looking for support, I would love for you to jump in. You get
[00:16:00] group support. You get individual support from me. Everyone gets an onboarding call from me
[00:16:05] as well as group every single week as well as all the tools and skills at your fingertips
[00:16:10] every single day and more to come. Oh, I also have guest experts coming in every single month.
[00:16:17] Every month I can have someone else come in to talk and give you some inspiration and teach you
[00:16:21] things. So if that resonates with you, see below the link to My Body Healing Methods you
[00:16:27] can join today and start feeling better and connected and supported. And if this episode
[00:16:32] brought you any clarity or comfort, I would love for you to share it with someone else doing
[00:16:36] the brave work of healing. If you're looking for deeper support and learning how to regulate
[00:16:41] your nervous system and rewire pain, this is the episode for you and please join the
[00:16:46] My Body Healing Method if it feels right. Until next time, keep showing up for your healing
[00:16:52] even when it's messy, especially when it's messy and especially when you're going through
[00:16:59] an extinction burst. You're not alone. I will talk to you soon.
[00:17:04] If this podcast means something to you, it would mean so much to me if you could do these couple
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[00:17:30] Thanks for listening and I hope this brings you hope on your journey.