Shame Resiliency: How it Manifests Physically and Emotionally

[00:00:00] Hey there and welcome to Heal with Grace. I'm your host Grace Secker
[00:00:04] and I'm a holistic licensed therapist and nervous system coach who believes that the chronic and often unseen symptoms
[00:00:10] you're living with are a sign of something deeper going on. A sign that your nervous system needs attention. In each episode
[00:00:17] I'll share the science behind the most common chronic health disorders plus holistic health tips using mental physical and spiritual practices.
[00:00:25] You'll hear what I've learned in my journey and the true stories from our trusted guests
[00:00:30] so you can feel less alone in your experience and give yourself grace no matter what you're going through.
[00:00:35] So without further ado, settle in and get cozy. It's time to Heal with Grace.
[00:00:41] Hey there and welcome back to the Heal with Grace podcast. Today
[00:00:46] I'm going to be talking to you about shame. Shame that
[00:00:51] internal
[00:00:52] difficult place that pretty much wreaks havoc on our minds and our bodies and
[00:00:57] what that actually is, how it impacts us, how we can break free from it.
[00:01:02] It's really that heavy invisible force that so many of us carry without even realizing it.
[00:01:07] And I know I very much so have deeply dealt with it and still do. I'm not perfect obviously.
[00:01:14] It's really the stronghold. It's that sinking feeling in your stomach after you say something awkward in a conversation or
[00:01:20] that tightness in your chest when you remember something from years ago that still makes you cringe. That's shame.
[00:01:26] It's the voice that whispers, you're not good enough. You should be different.
[00:01:31] No one will love you if they know the real you.
[00:01:33] Honestly, I was just working through this yesterday in my own personal session that I was having and
[00:01:39] realizing more layers of it that I didn't even realize were present.
[00:01:43] And that's the thing with shame is that it really stays with us for a long period of time because it pulls on our deepest
[00:01:49] core wounds of not being seen, not being enough, that we should be different and
[00:01:54] we get this from not only growing up in life, society, but
[00:01:59] unknowingly, most likely from our loved ones and our families. Not that they're putting that on us.
[00:02:03] Well, sometimes they do if you've been in an abusive situation, but more often than not,
[00:02:09] it's quiet and it doesn't come out right off the bat. And it doesn't just exist in our thoughts.
[00:02:15] It lives in our bodies. It impacts our nervous system, our health, our relationships and
[00:02:21] truly the way that we show up in the world. And yet, most of us never learn how to deal with it.
[00:02:26] We just carried around hoping that no one notices, but here's the good news is that we can build resilience with shame.
[00:02:34] We can recognize it. We can process it and we can release it so that it no longer runs the show.
[00:02:40] So today, we're going to explore what it really is and how it's different from guilt.
[00:02:46] We're going to talk about how it manifests physically in the body, how it shows up emotionally in our lives
[00:02:52] and most importantly, how to start building shame resilience so it no longer controls us.
[00:02:57] So take a deep breath, grab a cup of tea and let's get into it.
[00:03:03] So what is shame? Let's start with a definition.
[00:03:07] According to Dr. Bernay Brown, who has spent decades, decades researching shame,
[00:03:12] it is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore
[00:03:19] unworthy of love, belonging and connection.
[00:03:22] And even just hearing that definition makes me pause for a minute because it's not just about feeling bad.
[00:03:29] It's about feeling like we are bad, that we are unworthy.
[00:03:33] We are flawed for the soul and the person that we are, which is not possible.
[00:03:40] So regardless of your spiritual or religious affiliations, just the core of who we are,
[00:03:48] your soul is completely perfect.
[00:03:51] It doesn't need to change.
[00:03:53] It doesn't need to be different.
[00:03:55] It's just all the things that we've gone through in life that has maybe taught us that we aren't OK as we are.
[00:04:02] And this is what I want to help you shift, that that's not truth.
[00:04:07] The fact that you didn't fit in with the quote unquote right crowd in school doesn't make you bad.
[00:04:14] It makes you different and actually different is freaking amazing because we're all different.
[00:04:19] No one is the same.
[00:04:21] It's just the thing that like with humans, we literally are primal instincts is to be a part of the herd.
[00:04:26] And so that in our modern day might look like so many different ways.
[00:04:31] Like how successful are you?
[00:04:32] What kind of grades do you get?
[00:04:33] How do you look?
[00:04:34] What's your hair like?
[00:04:35] What's your body like?
[00:04:36] You know, how deeply holistic are you and your health?
[00:04:40] Our primal instincts are to be a part of these groupings.
[00:04:43] And if we're not, it feels like something's wrong with us, which creates more shame.
[00:04:48] And so again, that's that's where the shame comes in is I am bad.
[00:04:54] Now, the difference between shame and guilt, it's a very important distinction.
[00:04:58] I want you to understand the difference between shame and guilt is that shame is I am bad, right?
[00:05:03] I am bad for being me, for being and guilt says I did something bad.
[00:05:10] Like guilt is I made a mistake.
[00:05:12] I messed up, right?
[00:05:14] I broke a glass when I was unloading the dishwasher.
[00:05:16] Oops, made a mistake.
[00:05:18] That doesn't mean I'm a bad person, but sometimes shame can do that, especially if maybe
[00:05:24] you grew up in a household where there were a lot of tight controlled rigid rules.
[00:05:27] And so that might have led to shame if you broke something and you got in trouble for it.
[00:05:32] And maybe especially if you're a little bit more of a sensitive soul, maybe like myself,
[00:05:37] it might have felt really jarring to get in trouble.
[00:05:41] It might have felt like you're a bad person if you had to go to time out or if you broke
[00:05:47] something and that does not stop in childhood.
[00:05:50] Those are just examples of how it starts and that just goes throughout life, right?
[00:05:54] So we say the wrong thing and we feel like we're not good enough.
[00:05:58] That's shame.
[00:05:59] Guilt can actually be useful.
[00:06:02] It helps us recognize when we've done something that doesn't align with our values.
[00:06:06] But shame tells us that we are the problem.
[00:06:08] Guilt is essentially something that can kind of help us in this modern day and being
[00:06:14] human stay on the quote unquote right track, right?
[00:06:18] So yeah, I made a mistake.
[00:06:20] OK, I'm going to learn from it and do something different next time, right?
[00:06:24] Doesn't mean I'm there's anything wrong with me.
[00:06:26] But shame tells us that we're the problem.
[00:06:28] And when we believe that, when we believe that we are the problem, it's almost
[00:06:34] impossible to move forward.
[00:06:36] Now, the tricky thing is that shame is often silent and it lurks in the
[00:06:42] background of our thoughts, influencing the way that we see ourselves without
[00:06:47] even realizing it.
[00:06:49] For example, have you ever caught yourself over explaining something because
[00:06:53] deep down you feel like your words aren't valuable?
[00:06:56] That one's that one hits me.
[00:06:58] Do you ever apologize for things that don't require an apology?
[00:07:02] Like, I'm sorry for taking up space.
[00:07:04] I'm sorry for crying.
[00:07:05] I'm sorry for asking what I need.
[00:07:07] A friend and I who messaged back and forth a lot around this work and
[00:07:10] self development and manifesting and things like that.
[00:07:14] We caught each other so many times saying, oops, sorry, sorry for
[00:07:17] the background noise or sorry I delayed in my response.
[00:07:20] And it's so automatic, especially as women.
[00:07:24] If you're a female, we've been primed to apologize literally for our own
[00:07:28] being or for walking in a room.
[00:07:31] And that deep apologizing over and over again, that's shame.
[00:07:35] Shame for who you are.
[00:07:37] Or maybe you felt like you're the only one struggling.
[00:07:39] And if people really knew, they'd judge you or leave.
[00:07:43] That's shame.
[00:07:44] And when we don't address it, it doesn't just stay in our minds.
[00:07:47] It moves into our bodies.
[00:07:49] It truly lives in our bodies.
[00:07:50] We know, right, that the body keeps the score.
[00:07:53] The body holds emotions, holds experiences, holds trauma.
[00:07:57] And shame really shows up in our body.
[00:08:00] And it's not just a thought.
[00:08:01] It's a full body experience.
[00:08:03] Our bodies are wired for connection and safety.
[00:08:05] And when we feel shame, our nervous system goes into defense mode.
[00:08:09] It's like this protective mechanism to keep from feeling more shame.
[00:08:13] But it actually doesn't really help.
[00:08:16] It doesn't work like that.
[00:08:17] We just continue to feel the shame that's already in our body.
[00:08:19] And so this might show up as like tension in the chest, your throat or your stomach.
[00:08:25] A lot of times people have that like sinking feeling in their stomach when they
[00:08:29] feel shame, when they feel like they messed up, but then they really messed up.
[00:08:32] And it was their problem or it's their fault and their bad.
[00:08:35] Or maybe that feeling in your stomach knots up or your throat feels really tight.
[00:08:40] Postural changes.
[00:08:41] When we feel shame, our body instinctively tries to make itself smaller.
[00:08:46] So I'm not saying this is every single person, but we can really tell a lot from
[00:08:51] how people hold their bodies, right?
[00:08:53] So when someone has rounded shoulders and their head is down and they avoid contact,
[00:08:57] it's literally you're shrinking your body.
[00:09:00] And when we do that, we're holding shame just as it is right there in the body.
[00:09:05] Not only are you shrinking your body, but you're also covering your heart
[00:09:08] when you're folded over.
[00:09:10] Instead of open shoulders back, head up, open heart, open body, when we're this,
[00:09:18] if we're not comfortable being ourselves, it can almost feel vulnerable, right?
[00:09:24] To be open for our heart and chest to be open, for shoulders to be back down,
[00:09:28] for our head to lift up, to show the world us, to show the world you.
[00:09:34] So your posture matters.
[00:09:36] Notice how you're holding yourself.
[00:09:38] Notice how you're moving within the room around people.
[00:09:41] Are you shying away?
[00:09:42] Are you hiding?
[00:09:43] Or are you, you don't have to be the center of attention all the time,
[00:09:46] but how are you holding yourself?
[00:09:48] Shame also comes about in shallow breathing.
[00:09:51] So it really activates the nervous system, the stuck nervous
[00:09:57] system response, the stress response.
[00:09:59] And when we're stuck in that mode, our breathing becomes short and constricted.
[00:10:03] So I've talked about before that breath is one of the number one ways
[00:10:07] to help regulate our nervous system.
[00:10:09] When we do it and the, I'll say quote unquote proper way, there's a few
[00:10:14] different ways to do it, but the whole point is to allow breath to come into
[00:10:17] your lungs and your abdomen instead of in your chest.
[00:10:21] When it's tight in your chest, it actually doesn't allow for more
[00:10:24] oxygen to go throughout the body.
[00:10:26] And when we hold shame in our bodies, our oxygen and our
[00:10:29] breath stays in our chest.
[00:10:30] And that creates more anxiety.
[00:10:32] Oxygen literally is life force, right?
[00:10:34] Like it gives us life.
[00:10:35] And we need it all throughout our body.
[00:10:37] We need oxygen from the top of our head to the bottom of our toes.
[00:10:40] So when we can breathe deeply and through our lungs, expanding our rib cage,
[00:10:48] we have more life force energy.
[00:10:50] But when it's tight and constricted, when shame comes out, we don't
[00:10:53] have much life force energy going through us.
[00:10:55] Shame also very much so contributes to chronic pain and illness.
[00:11:01] And this is a big one.
[00:11:03] I don't think myself included have worked with anyone
[00:11:05] that hasn't felt or really dealt with deep shame when they have chronic
[00:11:10] pain or illness.
[00:11:12] When shame is stored in the body over time, it can contribute to things
[00:11:17] like higher inflammation, pain in the body, illness in the body,
[00:11:21] gut issues, migraines, bladder issues, because when your body
[00:11:27] has so much emotional shame, it doesn't want to feel that anymore.
[00:11:31] It's like this is uncomfortable and it's not okay to feel.
[00:11:33] So I'm going to send some signals of danger to create more physical
[00:11:36] discomfort in the body instead of the emotional discomfort.
[00:11:41] And as we know, as we've talked about working with emotions with shame,
[00:11:46] means being able to be with them instead of hide them.
[00:11:49] And I'll get into that in a minute when I talk through how to work with
[00:11:52] shame, but I also want to highlight, it's definitely in males and females,
[00:11:56] but I really do want to highlight the female wound here because over
[00:12:00] time, women have been shut down, have been oppressed in so many ways.
[00:12:07] We haven't been able to show up as the light, bright and depth of the
[00:12:12] female power that we are.
[00:12:14] So generationally and over time in society, women have more shame.
[00:12:21] Not only are we inherently more feeling and emotional beings, but that's
[00:12:27] also because we feel more shame for just the fact of being a woman and who we are.
[00:12:32] Now, again, that can totally go across the board.
[00:12:36] Any human being identifying in any sort of way, 1000% has shame or can have shame.
[00:12:42] But I just have to highlight that, especially if you're someone who deals
[00:12:46] with things like pelvic pain, endometriosis, PECOS, IC, OAB, anything
[00:12:52] down in the womb area, there's a lot of shame there.
[00:12:55] So I'm highlighting this to help maybe you understand some components to your
[00:13:01] symptoms that you may be having.
[00:13:03] And so as I've been talking about, shame doesn't just sit in the body.
[00:13:07] It affects how we see ourselves and interact with the world.
[00:13:10] And so more so how it shows up emotionally and maybe coming out
[00:13:14] in personality characteristics are things like perfectionism, the belief
[00:13:18] that if we can just be perfect, we won't have to feel unworthy.
[00:13:22] So we keep trying over and over and over again to do everything perfect
[00:13:26] and to hold everything so tight and controlled.
[00:13:28] And we have to be in control so that we are worthy.
[00:13:31] And actually in reality, again, coming back to just the truth in the
[00:13:35] soul that we are, we are totally worthy just as we are.
[00:13:38] But that perfectionism comes out of feeling shameful, feeling unworthy,
[00:13:42] feeling not good enough.
[00:13:44] People pleasing is another one saying, yes, when we mean no, putting
[00:13:48] others' needs above our own, fearing rejection.
[00:13:50] People pleasing is a way to cope with not wanting to show up fully as ourselves,
[00:13:56] feeling afraid of being vulnerable, not actually wanting to be seen or being
[00:14:00] afraid of being seen, maybe because we've been shamed or rejected before.
[00:14:04] So instead, we're just going to focus on other people.
[00:14:06] We're just going to help other people feel good or feel OK and make
[00:14:11] ourselves smaller.
[00:14:12] That's people pleasing.
[00:14:13] Shame also can create a lot of self isolation because if you're afraid
[00:14:17] of showing up as yourself, right, then we're going to hide.
[00:14:20] You're going to isolate and you're going to withdraw instead of reaching out.
[00:14:24] And then on top of that, if you do deal with any kind of chronic symptoms,
[00:14:28] of course, you're going to isolate yourself because it's really difficult
[00:14:32] to deal with some of the things that you're going through.
[00:14:34] And a lot of times people don't understand it.
[00:14:36] So actually just the experience of going through chronic
[00:14:39] pain or illness creates more shame on top of the shame that you already have.
[00:14:42] Now, I feel like I've just been kind of down the doomsday of shame.
[00:14:46] So bear with me.
[00:14:48] I'm going to help you understand how to work with it.
[00:14:52] It's not all horrible and it's not forever.
[00:14:55] I just had to say that as I'm sitting here talking about it, I'm like, oh,
[00:14:58] this is so doomsday and heavy and dark, which I mean, it just is what it is.
[00:15:03] But I have to say that shame also shows up as that inner voice that says,
[00:15:08] you're not good enough, you should be different.
[00:15:10] No one wants to hear from you.
[00:15:11] You should just spend one more hour at work or one more hour in the gym
[00:15:15] to help you feel better about yourself or to make you more worthy.
[00:15:18] It's that voice that says, I can't rest because I have to keep doing to be
[00:15:23] productive, to be worthy and to be OK.
[00:15:25] It's not the self talk that you actually think you need.
[00:15:29] A lot of times people think, well, I drive myself out of fear or shame,
[00:15:34] probably maybe they don't say the word shame, but I push myself to get
[00:15:38] to X, Y and Z to get to these things, to get to the best career,
[00:15:41] to get to the best body, to get to the best relationship.
[00:15:43] And yeah, that may work for some of you for a little bit, but I guarantee you,
[00:15:48] it won't last forever and it won't actually make you happy.
[00:15:50] It's kind of the age old phenomenon of you can have everything that you
[00:15:55] think you wanted.
[00:15:56] Some of the top million and billionaires might have everything and
[00:16:00] actually inherently be incredibly unhappy and depressed.
[00:16:03] It doesn't mean the more that we do, the better we are or the
[00:16:06] happier we are.
[00:16:07] Here's the thing though, we're going to turn the corner a minute.
[00:16:09] Shame cannot survive being spoken out loud.
[00:16:12] The moment we name it, the moment we share it with someone who
[00:16:16] responds with compassion instead of judgment, it starts to lose its power.
[00:16:21] And that's one of the first things I want to talk about when I talk
[00:16:23] about shame resiliency.
[00:16:25] So how do we build resilience to it?
[00:16:28] First of all, I'm saying shame resilience instead of healing shame
[00:16:32] because things come up in life where we might automatically have that
[00:16:36] hit of shame, but the more that we can work with it and understand
[00:16:39] how to air it out, if you will, the less that it impacts us.
[00:16:43] So we're building resilience to deal with whenever it comes up.
[00:16:47] So first and foremost, we want to name it to tame it.
[00:16:50] When we can recognize shame is present instead of letting it
[00:16:54] fester in the background instead of isolating and keeping it
[00:16:57] close and keeping it a secret, we say, oh, hey, I see you.
[00:17:02] Okay.
[00:17:03] And maybe you open up to someone close, you know, who's
[00:17:06] not going to judge you.
[00:17:07] And this happens time and time again when I deal with people
[00:17:09] who are embarrassed for what they're going through.
[00:17:11] Myself, for example, I mean, most of you know a lot of my story,
[00:17:14] but two big parts, two, well, probably three big times in my
[00:17:18] life where I can notice like huge mouths of shame and secrecy was
[00:17:22] because I was so afraid of what I was going through.
[00:17:24] I was so afraid of being bad or wrong.
[00:17:26] One was eating disorder for sure.
[00:17:28] If any of you have dealt with disordered eating or eating
[00:17:31] disorder, you know, shame is a huge component.
[00:17:33] It's really isolating because we feel so embarrassed not only
[00:17:37] for how we look, our bodies, but our relationships with food
[00:17:41] or the fact that we can't control it enough or we're
[00:17:44] overeating too much and it can bring so much shame.
[00:17:47] And I remember when I first had the awareness of, oh, this is
[00:17:52] a problem.
[00:17:53] And then I started to talk about it with another friend who
[00:17:56] was also going through it.
[00:17:57] Actually, she's the one who kind of like hit me over the
[00:18:00] head and was like, hey, you need to wake up.
[00:18:01] You need to look at this.
[00:18:02] It's an issue.
[00:18:03] But the more that we would talk about it, the more relief
[00:18:06] would come and then it lessens the shame literally releases the
[00:18:10] grip that it has over you because it's not a secret anymore.
[00:18:13] Secrecy creates shame.
[00:18:15] And so the more that you can talk about it, the more you can
[00:18:16] speak about it, the more you can own it and be with it.
[00:18:20] It actually, I mean, it's one of the most powerful tools,
[00:18:22] I will say, to release shame.
[00:18:24] Same with people going through divorce or relationship ending.
[00:18:28] There can be a lot of shame in it because there's this
[00:18:31] idea that we have to be perfect in relationships or we
[00:18:35] need it to go a certain way or we need to get married and be
[00:18:38] married for the rest of our lives or be with a partner for the
[00:18:40] rest of our lives.
[00:18:41] And if not, then something's wrong with us.
[00:18:43] Again, that wrong with us, right?
[00:18:45] And so there's going to be a lot of deep shame when you're
[00:18:48] going through that process, but naming it and calling it out
[00:18:51] loud brings a lot of relief.
[00:18:54] I had a lot of shame as I was deciding to get divorced and
[00:18:58] then going through divorce.
[00:18:59] I remember telling my therapist, I don't think I'm
[00:19:02] ever going to tell anyone about this.
[00:19:03] Like I was so embarrassed for my clients to know.
[00:19:05] Oh my gosh, that was like a big deal for me.
[00:19:08] I didn't want my clients to know.
[00:19:09] And then as I worked through it and was with it, you know,
[00:19:13] time can also help heal.
[00:19:15] I remember getting to a point where I just started naming
[00:19:18] it to people.
[00:19:18] I met new people and I was like, yeah, I'm going
[00:19:20] through divorce, blah, blah, blah.
[00:19:21] You know, I just like kept saying it.
[00:19:23] It's not like I was blabbing it all over the place.
[00:19:24] It was where I was felt safe to do so.
[00:19:27] It just became a part of my life that actually I'm
[00:19:31] now proud of.
[00:19:32] And so owning it and speaking it is a huge part of
[00:19:36] shame resiliency.
[00:19:37] Self-compassion over self-judgment is a really big one
[00:19:40] too.
[00:19:41] So there's a lot of inherent criticism and
[00:19:44] judgment around shame.
[00:19:45] But instead of beating yourself up, I want you to try
[00:19:48] talking to yourself like you would a friend.
[00:19:50] And I know that might sound really cliche, but it
[00:19:52] is so, so true.
[00:19:55] If you're starting to feel shame, don't let it
[00:19:57] define you.
[00:19:59] Still let yourself know you are worthy.
[00:20:02] You are enough.
[00:20:03] And if a friend was describing to you how you're
[00:20:06] feeling, what would you say to them?
[00:20:09] I guarantee you, you wouldn't shame or judge them.
[00:20:11] If they were saying, I'm really embarrassed about
[00:20:13] this thing or I'm really struggling or I'm really
[00:20:16] depressed right now or whatever it is.
[00:20:18] I guarantee you, you wouldn't be like, yeah, you
[00:20:20] are, you should figure that out.
[00:20:22] Right?
[00:20:23] You're going to give them compassion and empathy
[00:20:25] because that's what we all need.
[00:20:27] So self-compassion.
[00:20:29] Number two.
[00:20:30] Number three is learning how to work with this
[00:20:33] within our nervous systems because shame puts us
[00:20:36] in a freeze or collapse response.
[00:20:38] So the freeze response, I will remind you, the
[00:20:40] freeze can be more of the shutdown.
[00:20:44] And that's the parasympathetic dorsal vagal
[00:20:47] response.
[00:20:47] It can feel like numb, disconnected, high
[00:20:51] fatigue, hopelessness, feelings of depression,
[00:20:53] withdrawn or foggy.
[00:20:55] You can literally have a slower heart rate,
[00:20:57] lower energy.
[00:20:58] You might be more dissociative.
[00:21:00] You might have digestive issues.
[00:21:02] And so when you're in this and working with
[00:21:04] your shame, self-compassion always, working
[00:21:07] with visualizing yourself, visualizing
[00:21:11] your healthy self, visualizing your higher
[00:21:14] self and whatever your belief system is, I
[00:21:17] would highly recommend you pull on, whether
[00:21:19] it's just a higher power, whether you're
[00:21:21] religious, whether you're deeply spiritual, but
[00:21:24] knowing that you as you are, are
[00:21:26] completely okay.
[00:21:28] You are worthy no matter what you do in
[00:21:31] life, literally just for breathing.
[00:21:33] You are worthy.
[00:21:34] It can really be helpful too to text a friend
[00:21:36] or listen to something inspirational when
[00:21:38] you're in the shutdown response.
[00:21:40] Someone who's safe, therapist, a trusted
[00:21:43] person, hug a pet and cues of safety can
[00:21:46] be really helpful when you're in the
[00:21:48] shutdown response.
[00:21:49] So soft lighting, familiar music,
[00:21:52] VOO breathing, which I've talked about
[00:21:55] before, but I'll just mention quickly
[00:21:57] again is created by Dr. Peter Levine and
[00:22:00] the idea is when you can breathe in and
[00:22:03] you breathe out with the word VOO.
[00:22:05] So I'll do it and it might sound a little
[00:22:07] weird on this mic, but I'm going to do it.
[00:22:08] And so you're going to breathe in.
[00:22:15] It activates the voice chakra and creates
[00:22:18] vibration, which we know can activate
[00:22:21] the biggest nerve and can help soothe
[00:22:23] the nervous system.
[00:22:24] So when you're in the shutdown, be
[00:22:25] really gentle with yourself.
[00:22:27] Shame can also show up and really any
[00:22:30] other nervous system response as well.
[00:22:32] But also in that fight or flight,
[00:22:34] because when we feel that shame, it can
[00:22:36] create this urgency to do something
[00:22:38] about it to be better, right?
[00:22:40] So maybe you just start working a little
[00:22:42] bit more with tuning into yourself and
[00:22:44] doing some box breathing or doing some
[00:22:46] shaking in your body and activating,
[00:22:49] moving that shame through.
[00:22:51] I like to put my hands over my
[00:22:53] abdomen, over my low belly, my
[00:22:55] sacral chakra, close to my root
[00:22:57] chakra and bring some compassion and
[00:22:59] presence to it as I breathe.
[00:23:00] Because that's really where shame hangs
[00:23:02] out. Another big one in terms of
[00:23:04] shame resiliency is share it with a
[00:23:07] trusted person.
[00:23:08] Shame thrives in secrecy.
[00:23:10] Again, remember, so we want to share
[00:23:13] our shame with someone who responds
[00:23:14] with empathy and then it can start to
[00:23:16] dissolve.
[00:23:17] We also want to rewrite the narrative.
[00:23:19] So instead of letting shame
[00:23:22] write your story, try shifting the
[00:23:24] script instead of I'm not good
[00:23:26] enough, I'm unworthy, I can never
[00:23:28] get this right.
[00:23:29] I have to be in control of the time.
[00:23:30] Try shifting into I'm learning right
[00:23:32] now.
[00:23:33] Okay, I'm not perfect, but I am
[00:23:36] healing and I am enough in this
[00:23:37] moment.
[00:23:38] And even if you don't believe those
[00:23:39] things, keep working with it.
[00:23:42] Shame is at the root of a lot of
[00:23:43] our suffering.
[00:23:44] And I see it time and time again
[00:23:46] with my private clients, with my
[00:23:48] mind, body healing method students.
[00:23:49] And it's really important that we
[00:23:51] get to it so that we understand
[00:23:53] how to work with it and to
[00:23:56] feel better within ourselves.
[00:23:58] I mean, you've heard me say this a
[00:23:59] million times, but at the core is
[00:24:01] building a relationship, a better
[00:24:02] relationship with ourself can
[00:24:04] really help relieve suffering.
[00:24:06] And this is so important to within
[00:24:08] groups, because when we are in a
[00:24:10] group, not only is it sometimes a
[00:24:12] little vulnerable, right?
[00:24:14] But it's also allows that shame
[00:24:16] to be lifted, because maybe we're
[00:24:18] speaking about something or we're
[00:24:20] hearing someone else speak about
[00:24:21] their struggles and it inspires us
[00:24:23] and provides empathy for us, or
[00:24:25] maybe we provide empathy for them
[00:24:26] as they're struggling.
[00:24:27] I think groups have such a power to
[00:24:29] uplift us and to help us not feel
[00:24:31] so isolated.
[00:24:32] And so that's also why I'm starting
[00:24:35] back up that mind body healing
[00:24:36] method. I took a little pause for a
[00:24:37] minute and I'm doing a lot of
[00:24:40] amazing, awesome updates.
[00:24:41] I'm so freaking excited about this
[00:24:43] new one, this new version that's
[00:24:44] coming out.
[00:24:45] And I'm going to start enrolling
[00:24:47] soon for our live group portion of
[00:24:50] mind body healing method.
[00:24:51] And so if you want to get on the
[00:24:53] waitlist to be one of the founding
[00:24:55] members of the new updated mind
[00:24:56] body healing method, you'll get on
[00:24:58] the waitlist to receive 50% off
[00:25:00] when we first start.
[00:25:01] I would really love to have you if
[00:25:03] you feel like you've been down the
[00:25:05] road of trying to manage your
[00:25:07] symptoms, trying to heal and
[00:25:09] you're doing all the things you
[00:25:11] know to do, right?
[00:25:12] Maybe you have been down the
[00:25:14] healing journey for a long time
[00:25:16] and you're tired of working so
[00:25:17] hard and really want to find a
[00:25:19] shift. And I'd love to support
[00:25:21] you in that. And I'd love to have
[00:25:22] you in our group because again,
[00:25:24] I don't want you to feel isolated
[00:25:26] anymore. I want you to feel like
[00:25:27] you're a part of a group and that
[00:25:29] you can feel worthy and taken care
[00:25:31] of and seen. So if that feels like
[00:25:33] something that would really benefit
[00:25:34] you, find the link below to sign
[00:25:36] up. And I look forward to talking
[00:25:39] with you. Okay, so I want to leave
[00:25:42] you with this. You are not
[00:25:45] broken. You are not unworthy.
[00:25:47] You are enough exactly as you are.
[00:25:51] You are enough exactly as you are.
[00:25:54] If this resonated with you, I would
[00:25:57] love for you to share it with
[00:25:58] someone who needs to hear it
[00:25:59] because I'm sure we all need to
[00:26:01] hear that we are enough. And
[00:26:03] until next time, take care, be
[00:26:06] kind to yourself and remember you
[00:26:08] are worthy of healing. If this
[00:26:10] podcast means something to you, it
[00:26:12] would mean so much to me if you
[00:26:13] could do these couple things. One,
[00:26:15] go to the heal with grace show
[00:26:17] page wherever you listen and tap
[00:26:19] the plus sign or click on the
[00:26:20] follow button so you don't miss
[00:26:21] an episode. It helps both of us
[00:26:23] out. While you're there, if you
[00:26:25] could get a five star review so
[00:26:27] that this podcast can reach more
[00:26:29] people, it would mean so much to
[00:26:31] me so I can continue sharing
[00:26:33] episodes that help you as well as
[00:26:34] others. Thanks for listening. And
[00:26:37] I hope this brings you hope on
[00:26:38] your journey.