What Recovery Actually Looks Like from Nervous System Based Pain & Illness

[00:00:00] Hello, hello, and welcome back to the Heal with Grace podcast. Today, I want to talk to you about
[00:00:05] something that a lot of people are curious about when it comes to recovery. What does recovery
[00:00:11] actually look like when you're healing in the mind-body way from your chronic symptoms,
[00:00:17] chronic syndromes, chronic illness? What does that actually look like and is that actually
[00:00:21] possible, right? Not the one day you'll wake up and never think about your body again
[00:00:26] version but the real true recovery after years of symptoms, after years of doing this work and
[00:00:31] specifically what care of your health looks like after this mind-body healing or actually really
[00:00:38] more so during it. This whole health thing, right? Well, what does that actually look like
[00:00:43] in a way that you don't have to be so focused and hyper-fixated on it? You don't have to think
[00:00:47] about so much about what you're eating, how you're not messing up your body or you're
[00:00:52] messing up your body or you're waking up fearful of how your body is going to react.
[00:00:55] Once you've soothed this and built more stability and confidence and regulation in your body so you
[00:01:00] don't have as many symptoms, what's realistic there? What does that actually look like? That's
[00:01:05] what I want to talk to you about because a lot of people are asking, am I doing this right?
[00:01:10] Why do things still show up for me? I have this timeline. I'm going on this trip in a
[00:01:13] few months and I really want to be healed by then. I want to talk to you about how
[00:01:17] that can actually be harmful and that pressure that we put on ourselves and then what to do with that.
[00:01:22] And we want to slow that all the way down today. So let's go ahead and get into it.
[00:01:28] Hey there and welcome to Heal with Grace. I'm your host, Grace Secker, and I'm a holistic
[00:01:33] licensed therapist and nervous system coach who believes that the chronic and often unseen
[00:01:38] symptoms you're living with are a sign of something deeper going on. A sign that your
[00:01:42] nervous system needs attention. In each episode, I'll share the science behind the most common
[00:01:48] chronic health disorders plus holistic health tips using mental, physical, and spiritual practices.
[00:01:54] You'll hear what I've learned in my journey and the true stories from our trusted guests
[00:01:58] so you can feel less alone in your experience and give yourself grace no matter what you're
[00:02:02] going through. So without further ado, settle in and get cozy. It's time to heal with Grace.
[00:02:09] But I first want to mention that if you have not already, I would highly recommend also looking
[00:02:15] at the article that I just wrote on how I have actually entered recovery and what it looks like
[00:02:20] and how I'm not perfect because I just had a flare in my body that was incredibly painful
[00:02:25] actually. But I still considered myself recovered. And I share all the details with you there
[00:02:30] and exactly how I got out of it and how you can too. And that is linked below in my
[00:02:34] sub stack. So if you want to understand more detail oriented and just get a glimpse of how
[00:02:40] I moved through it, highly recommend looking at that. Okay, let's start with a myth. There's a myth
[00:02:46] that probably mostly coming from social media and just online, right? The myth that most people
[00:02:52] might see as once they have regulated their nervous system, they're healed. And the belief
[00:02:58] that recovery means you never have symptoms again. That is false. That is not true.
[00:03:03] First and foremost, because there is no completion of healing your nervous system. I know that,
[00:03:08] I mean, to be honest, I know I've said that sometimes I get it, it's the language, but I just
[00:03:12] want to break that down because first and foremost, our nervous systems are not something to
[00:03:18] necessarily fix or have this perfect place state of being healed. Our nervous systems are
[00:03:24] actually meant to help us move through in and out of stress states and digest relaxation states.
[00:03:31] So we're supposed to move through that all throughout life. Healing and regulating doesn't
[00:03:35] mean you get to a point and all is good and you don't struggle or have pain or go through grief or
[00:03:41] anything like that the rest of your life. That's not human. That's not reality. We all go
[00:03:46] through things. So I want to step that stage, but it's also not a stage of negativity where
[00:03:51] it's like, well, you just have to deal with this and there's ups and downs all the time.
[00:03:54] And that just is what it is, right? There's a sense of that, but the intention and the
[00:03:59] way that we approach that is different. So it's not this like, once you're healed,
[00:04:03] nothing uncomfortable ever shows up in your body, no pain, sensations, no weird moments.
[00:04:08] It's more that when something does, you change the way you respond to it, which actually changes
[00:04:14] the way that it shows up in your body and that you don't actually have to be in constant
[00:04:19] pain or illness all the time. It's more so things pop up here and there because remember,
[00:04:24] if you've been listening here, having physical sensations in our body is a human condition.
[00:04:30] Every single person on this earth has had some sort of physical manifestation of stress,
[00:04:36] whether that's a headache or tight shoulders or an upset stomach or if it's chronic stress,
[00:04:41] you get sick more often. Your immune system decreases and lowers. That's all very normal.
[00:04:47] So that might happen, but the reason we do this work is to, one, help ourselves get out
[00:04:52] of that constant fight or flight place, the constant place that keeps you stuck and in your
[00:04:59] symptoms. I also want to address one more thing here, too, that when we have the belief that
[00:05:04] nothing ever happens, it actually keeps our body under more surveillance because if your
[00:05:09] definition of healing is nothing happens again, I'm good, I don't need to experience pain again,
[00:05:16] then your job becomes monitoring constantly to make sure nothing happens. And this creates
[00:05:21] more vigilance and vigilance keeps the nervous system in danger mode. So for a lot of people,
[00:05:26] the hardest part of healing isn't always learning tools, but it's actually letting go of watching
[00:05:31] the body all the time, always constantly wondering what's going to happen or noticing,
[00:05:38] I have this higher stress in my life right now or had a fight with my partner. Oh my gosh,
[00:05:43] I don't want my body to react. That's a tough place to be and we're going to get into a
[00:05:46] little bit more. I'll share with you how I actually moved through that recently,
[00:05:49] but we have to let go of the expectation that we're going to be just totally fine or
[00:05:53] let go of the expectation that we're going to be fine by a certain amount of time. So what often
[00:05:57] happens when I have people come to work with me is that they say, you know, I'm so tired of this,
[00:06:02] like I've learned about nervous system in my body and I feel like this is what I need and I
[00:06:06] can tell this is I want to learn, right? Like I'm ready, you know, help me. And then they
[00:06:11] say, by the way, I have a trip I'm going on in a few months or a wedding I need to go to
[00:06:16] by April and I really want to be, I don't want to have these symptoms again. I just don't,
[00:06:21] I don't want this apart of it, you know, I don't want it to ruin my trip. And of course you don't,
[00:06:26] I've been there so many times and also we have to let go of that in order for our bodies actually
[00:06:33] to relax and be able to move through it, meaning be able to learn the skills and the
[00:06:38] tools for that actually to happen. But if we have this expectation, especially when it comes
[00:06:43] to time, time pressure, when we have this time pressure of like, oh, it has to have to feel
[00:06:49] better by then or I can't feel bad on this day or don't want to drive in the car for X amount of
[00:06:53] hours or going to plane because I just what if my symptoms pop up? What if I get super anxious
[00:06:59] or have a panic attack? Totally valid. That would suck. And from personal experience,
[00:07:04] been there like, I don't even know, I can't even count many times. But you know what happens
[00:07:09] when you let go of that fear as much as possible, right? I'm not expecting perfection.
[00:07:14] It allows you to actually be in this healing modality actually learn how to feel safe in your
[00:07:20] nervous system, knowing that you have the tools and the skills to get through that really difficult
[00:07:27] plane ride if you need to. So we're not expecting it to not happen. We're allowing
[00:07:31] ourselves to know that we can handle it if it does happen. And here's a shift that happens
[00:07:36] when we do that. One, it tells the brain, okay, maybe we don't have to be so afraid,
[00:07:41] which then the brain signals to the body, hey, we're not in danger, which then can sometimes
[00:07:45] actually allow symptoms not to be there or like relieve them of their job as being protectors.
[00:07:51] Now it doesn't happen every single time I cannot have a magic ball to tell you that's
[00:07:54] how it's going to work. And I don't want you to expect that either. We don't want to bypass
[00:07:58] the work being like, okay, I got to do this practice. I got to regulate my nervous system
[00:08:03] and just to be in it, right? Just so that the pain will go away. So the symptoms will go away.
[00:08:06] So I'll be okay. Our brains are so much smarter. Like it's not going to work that way. So when we
[00:08:11] can let go of how long this is going to take and what it's going to look like, that is where
[00:08:18] the secret sauce is. That's where actually real regulation and healing can take place.
[00:08:24] So my point being when we put time pressures on, obviously it just creates more pressure
[00:08:29] and stress. The goal is to build up the confidence and the security thing you to know that if something
[00:08:34] does happen, if you do have a flare, if you do have high anxiety in the middle of the plane ride,
[00:08:39] you can handle it. It's not fun. It's not pleasant, but it's okay. You can do it
[00:08:45] and you'll get through it. And then actually you'll be really glad you did because then
[00:08:49] you're on your trip. And that's obviously just one example. But like truly from personal
[00:08:53] experience, I've had many miserable travel times, miserable plane rides, miserable times
[00:08:59] walking through the airport, feeling like I couldn't make it. So I get it. But to be honest,
[00:09:06] I'm glad I did because if not, I wouldn't have gotten through that and built up the
[00:09:12] confidence to know that I can do it and had a great time because I allowed the symptoms
[00:09:17] just to come along with me instead of them driving the show. Sometimes I might have driven
[00:09:21] the show a little bit, but I hope that makes sense. Like we're taking them along with us
[00:09:25] and when you have that expectation, then it actually decreased the danger signal,
[00:09:28] which actually decreases the amount of times that you have symptoms. Yeah? Okay. Question of
[00:09:34] can you fully recover? So I kind of answered that so far, but let's dig into it a little bit
[00:09:39] more. First and foremost, yes. 100% yes. There are actually plenty of mind, body
[00:09:44] practitioners and people out there that say that they really don't have symptoms anymore.
[00:09:47] They had a couple of things that they worked through and that's gone. They don't. And
[00:09:51] so you absolutely can. It's so person to person specific, how it works and what symptoms you've
[00:09:57] had and what your history is. There's just so many factors, right? But I want you to look
[00:10:02] at recovery rather than this all or nothing black or white, more from a place of like,
[00:10:05] how do I actually feel with myself? How do I engage with myself in my life? Because if
[00:10:11] you're in your symptoms and you're struggling and you're frustrated and it's truly impacting
[00:10:17] you to where you don't go places, you don't do things, you don't engage socially,
[00:10:21] you're not working or it's truly hindering your life. I want you to look at recovery as like,
[00:10:26] I can be in my life, no matter what, I can actually feel good about me and my body and
[00:10:30] myself in my life and things can happen. I'll be okay. That's amazing recovery. And within
[00:10:36] that, the way that that happens also means symptoms and illness either decrease or go away.
[00:10:41] It all works together. Recovery means that symptoms lose danger. They lose urgency
[00:10:47] and they lose meaning. It means your nervous system no longer interprets every sensation as a threat
[00:10:53] because the truth is nervous system is designed to fluctuate. Stress happens, life happens,
[00:10:58] and bodies respond. But some people do become mostly symptom free and that does happen,
[00:11:03] but that is not the requirement for being recovered. So you've heard me talk about on here.
[00:11:08] There's truly some symptoms that I've experienced like, or like especially early
[00:11:11] in my 20s, I don't anymore. My food sensitivities, I have not had any of those issues since then.
[00:11:18] There have been a couple like two times, I can count two times in the past, I don't know how
[00:11:23] long that's been, five, six years that I've had a histamine type reaction that I used to have,
[00:11:28] but two times and it lasted a couple hours and I saw it, I worked with it and it went away.
[00:11:34] Now other things have come and gone a little bit and my body definitely talks to me when I'm
[00:11:39] in high times of stress or I'm dealing with something emotionally heavy, but it's nothing
[00:11:43] like it used to be. And to be honest, I've now accepted that that's kind of part of how my nervous
[00:11:48] system, my growth in this lifetime works. Recovery is when symptoms no longer dictate how you live.
[00:11:54] They never no longer drive your life. I used to just completely collapse when anything,
[00:12:01] when I felt anything, I was like, I can't work for today. I can't do this. I can't do this.
[00:12:04] I just shut down my life because I was too afraid. I didn't know what it means.
[00:12:08] No matter what it was, anything from, I don't know, pain in my shoulder to high fatigue. It didn't
[00:12:14] really matter what, it just shut me out of my life and I became hopeless and despair and just,
[00:12:19] I collapsed. The difference now is that first and foremost that doesn't happen all the time
[00:12:23] and if there is something that pops up, I meet it, I get the support that I need
[00:12:27] and I'm still in my life. There might be a few things that shift, but that's about it.
[00:12:31] So we redefine that. By redefining it, it takes so much pressure off. That redefinition alone
[00:12:38] can be incredibly regulating because as you're actually doing that, you're signaling,
[00:12:43] hey, I'm actually okay. I can do this. I can be here. I can feel this, right? And then it starts
[00:12:50] to decrease whatever physical symptoms are your body is trying to use to protect you. So all
[00:12:55] in all, there's less monitoring and more presence and there's less scanning and more
[00:13:00] living and when sensations show up, there's a response instead of a reaction. And actually,
[00:13:05] let me define that for a second. So a reaction, you might have heard this in terms of relationships,
[00:13:10] right? When you want to respond to someone instead of react. Reaction comes from a place
[00:13:14] of defense, of fear, of activation from our old belief systems or parts of us
[00:13:21] that were hurt or that were wounded. And so when those places, for example,
[00:13:25] maybe a part of you feels like there's an abandonment wound for you, maybe you had a lot
[00:13:31] of rejection or abandonment in your life previously. And so whenever there's a hint of that, when it's
[00:13:36] not logically true or in front of you, someone says something that you perceive as them stepping
[00:13:42] away from you or maybe someone doesn't respond at all, maybe they take a few days to respond to
[00:13:46] your message. And that part of you, that part that feels like, well, no, what if they're
[00:13:51] leaving or what if they're abandoning me, which again, is not always logical, but it is subconscious,
[00:13:57] that part might activate your stress response because it's really scary for your nervous system to be
[00:14:02] there and feel that when we react to that activator, maybe you get really defensive and you send an
[00:14:09] angry text or message saying, I can't believe you took this long to respond. What are you
[00:14:14] even doing? You know, this is kind of extreme example that I'm truly just making up in the
[00:14:18] moment, but follow along with me. So that's a reaction when we react from that abandonment place,
[00:14:24] when we have a sensation, when there's a pain, this is what I actually talk about my sub stack
[00:14:28] article, when there's a pain, like I had my neck lock up recently, and previously I would have
[00:14:34] reacted with, my gosh, what's happening? Oh my gosh, this is so painful. Oh my God, I need
[00:14:40] pain pills. I need all the creams. I need to go see the chiropractor right now. And oh my
[00:14:45] gosh, I'm not going to be able to go climb. I'm not going to be able to go do my exercises. I'm
[00:14:49] not going to be able to do X, Y, and Z. I can't even work with this kind of pain, right? Like,
[00:14:53] I would become so anxious and fearful. This time, my response was a little fear. I mean,
[00:15:01] it was a little scary to feel that amount of pain, how it felt that in a very long time.
[00:15:04] And so it was like, I had some fear come up into me up in my body. And so I felt it and
[00:15:11] diagnosed it. But instead of reacting with that fear, I responded with so much care,
[00:15:16] so much love, like I treated my body and that fear, like it was a child being really scared,
[00:15:22] because essentially that is what was happening. My inner child was being activated. And so when
[00:15:27] I can respond with that love and grace and compassion and breath, I was able to soothe
[00:15:32] myself, help myself through it, carry the pain along with me throughout my day,
[00:15:38] throughout my week. And it didn't completely derail my life. It changed my plans a little bit
[00:15:42] for things that week. Definitely changed about, you know, how much I tuned into myself,
[00:15:47] but it wasn't this place of, like, deep fear and reactivity. That's recovery.
[00:15:52] There's flexibility with sleep, with travel, with your routine, with food, with stress.
[00:15:57] Recovery is not always the absence of sensation, but it's the absence of fear.
[00:16:02] Okay. So what is taking care of your health actually look like when you are in recovery or
[00:16:09] you might consider yourself recovered? So there's a really important distinction here,
[00:16:13] that taking care of your health, when it comes to physical health, emotional health,
[00:16:16] mental health, spiritual health, it can look pretty different when you're not in survival mode.
[00:16:22] Because when you're in survival mode, you're acting out of desperation and fear. And that
[00:16:26] can then impact how you treat yourself and your life. So that might drive more rigid behavior around
[00:16:33] your routine, more rigid behavior around your sleep, around your food, around your day, just
[00:16:39] truly coming from a place of like, you want to help yourself, I get it, totally get it.
[00:16:43] Maybe your therapy or your mind, body healing tools become something that you are so
[00:16:49] hyper fixated on and obsessive about. Maybe the type of exercise you do becomes
[00:16:55] fixing instead of actual enjoyment. Or maybe the nutrition you want to give your body because
[00:17:00] it feels good becomes too rigid in a place of fear instead of enjoyment and true nourishment.
[00:17:06] When you're in recovery, this becomes flexible. You can check in on your body physically and
[00:17:12] emotionally and mentally without spiraling. Movement then becomes about enjoyment and energy.
[00:17:17] Nutrition becomes about nourishment, not fear management. Nervous system tools are
[00:17:21] used when needed and maybe consistently, but not so rigidly. And care becomes intuitive instead
[00:17:28] of rigid. And this is often confusing for people because they've spent years equating care with
[00:17:33] control, right? But when the fear isn't driving the bus anymore, care actually gets a lot simpler.
[00:17:39] So maybe you check in and get updated testing every year or two. And you take it with a grain
[00:17:45] of salt, you give yourself benefit of it out. And you're like, okay, well, my level's here
[00:17:49] or a little bit off. I'm going to help and support myself instead of being like, oh my gosh,
[00:17:53] what did I do? How did I make this happen? How could my body be in such a state of stress?
[00:17:58] Or I got to get dig and get all these tests done to make sure nothing is wrong.
[00:18:02] That's hyperfixation around health. That's high health anxiety. Instead of I'm actually going to
[00:18:07] take things in a flexible manner, unless obviously something is calling your attention
[00:18:12] and you need to get it checked out. Totally do that for yourself. But when we are constantly
[00:18:16] searching for tests and specialists and doctors because we're so afraid of what's going on with us,
[00:18:22] it's really hard to actually care for ourselves from a place of true crowning nature.
[00:18:27] So your routine shifts and everyone is totally different with this. For me, I like a little bit
[00:18:32] of flexibility or I go through phases with movement. I go through phases with food, you know,
[00:18:37] it just kind of depends on maybe the season or time of my life and what's happening.
[00:18:41] That's flexibility with other people. Maybe you really absolutely love to do the same thing
[00:18:46] every day. Great. It's more about when it doesn't happen. Is there fear there? Is there
[00:18:50] dysregulation there when your routine doesn't happen? Or when you don't have your supplements
[00:18:55] that you take every day or all the different holistic healing tools that we are now supposed
[00:19:00] to have at our house or the amount of steps that you're supposed to take every day?
[00:19:03] If there's fear when you don't have that, that's just a little bit more to look at.
[00:19:08] So I want to remind you being recovered doesn't mean you don't get stressed.
[00:19:11] It doesn't mean you don't have physical reactions or you need to take care of your health.
[00:19:15] It means you're resilient. You know, your nervous system can move through things without
[00:19:20] everything falling apart. Recovery isn't fragility. It's resilience. Yeah. This is where we want to
[00:19:26] land. The goal of healing is not protecting yourself from life. It's building the capacity
[00:19:31] to live it. So healing isn't about keeping your nervous system perfectly calm forever.
[00:19:36] It's about having enough safety inside to handle real life. And at a certain point,
[00:19:41] living fully becomes the regulation. Your nervous system doesn't need to scream anymore
[00:19:46] because your life isn't constrained by fear. And that's more recovery, not about the perfection
[00:19:50] of it, not the constant calm, but true freedom. If this is something that you don't really understand
[00:19:56] how to get to, or you're kind of like, okay, that sounds wonderful, but like, how do I do that?
[00:19:59] Right? That is where I want to invite you to find the link below for the mind-body
[00:20:04] healing method. It is my self-paced course that you can do on your own time at your
[00:20:09] own pace. And you have all the skills and the tools that I go so much deeper in than just on this
[00:20:14] podcast to truly give you step-by-step tools in order to get to this recovered place. It is the
[00:20:20] bread and butter of the work that I teach. And it is what has brought in all the clients that
[00:20:24] you've heard on here from really sick and stressed to recovered. So I find the link below.
[00:20:29] There's also option to add on coaching calls with me. Lots of people find that that's
[00:20:33] supportive. They have the everyday tools they can go into on the app where they can learn
[00:20:37] about it and help themselves. And then we dive into a coaching call to dig deeper into the places
[00:20:43] they might feel stuck. You can't see everything, right? We can't see our blind spots. So I invite
[00:20:47] you to find that below the mind-body healing method. And if you have any questions at all,
[00:20:52] feel free to DM me, message me, and I'll figure out if it's a good fit for you.
[00:20:56] All right, y'all. I hope you're having a good day and I will talk to you next week.
[00:21:01] Keep healing with grace. If this podcast means something to you, it would mean so much to
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[00:21:31] hope on your journey.