5 Things I See People Do Who Recover

[00:00:00] A healing body expects change.
[00:00:02] Literally our minds, if we see ourselves as healing,
[00:00:04] it expects the change.
[00:00:06] But a sick identity expects more of the sickness,
[00:00:09] expects more of the same.
[00:00:10] And especially when it comes to our nervous system,
[00:00:13] so our nervous system likes to stay the same.
[00:00:15] It doesn't want to change.
[00:00:17] Hey there, and welcome to the Heal With Grace podcast.
[00:00:20] I'm your host, Grace Secker,
[00:00:22] and I'm a holistic licensed therapist
[00:00:24] and nervous system coach who believes
[00:00:27] that the chronic and often unseen symptoms
[00:00:30] you're living with are a sign of something deeper going on.
[00:00:33] A sign that your nervous system needs attention.
[00:00:36] In each episode, I'll share the science
[00:00:38] behind the most common chronic health disorders
[00:00:41] plus holistic tips using mental, physical,
[00:00:43] and spiritual practices.
[00:00:45] You'll hear what I've learned in my journey
[00:00:47] and the true stories from our trusted guests
[00:00:49] so you can feel less alone in your experience
[00:00:52] and give yourself grace no matter what you're going through.
[00:00:55] So without further ado, settle in and get cozy.
[00:00:58] It's time to Heal With Grace.
[00:01:00] Hello, hello, and welcome back
[00:01:02] to the Heal With Grace podcast.
[00:01:04] We are going to talk about today
[00:01:06] the different things that I see people do
[00:01:10] that end up in recovery.
[00:01:11] So all of these people have a lot in common
[00:01:14] in the way that they've approached their healing
[00:01:17] and how they're doing it.
[00:01:18] And I've watched this happen
[00:01:20] and then I also relate it to my own journey as well.
[00:01:23] These are the things that really helped me get from,
[00:01:26] okay, I understand this information.
[00:01:29] I get that there's a mind-body component here,
[00:01:31] that my nervous system is driving some pain and illness
[00:01:34] and let's figure out how to do that.
[00:01:37] Also, when you're feeling really stuck
[00:01:40] and you don't know why it's not working,
[00:01:42] you're banging your head against the wall,
[00:01:44] I want you to come back to this episode.
[00:01:45] I want you to save this and come back to it
[00:01:48] so that you can remind yourself of these things
[00:01:50] that I talk about, these different skills
[00:01:53] that I see people use who end up recovered.
[00:01:56] This is something that you will have to remember
[00:01:58] over and over.
[00:01:59] I mean, you're gonna know some of these things,
[00:02:01] probably if you've been listening to this podcast
[00:02:03] and then you're gonna be like, oh yeah,
[00:02:05] that's right when you're really stuck
[00:02:06] because I want you to remember this,
[00:02:08] when you're stuck and you don't know what's going on,
[00:02:11] you don't know what's wrong,
[00:02:12] your mind is in a one-track mind.
[00:02:16] Your critical thinking,
[00:02:17] which is your frontal lobe of your brain,
[00:02:19] which is what makes us humans.
[00:02:21] We have a frontal lobe
[00:02:22] and that is where we think logically,
[00:02:25] we make decisions and that is cut off
[00:02:27] when you're in a stress response,
[00:02:29] when you're in a really stuck place in your healing
[00:02:31] and you're feeling overwhelmed and hopeless
[00:02:33] and you don't know what to do.
[00:02:34] So you forget so much of what you learned.
[00:02:37] I mean, I don't know about you,
[00:02:38] but when I've been in those really stuck places
[00:02:40] or I'm in a huge flare or like a couple of years ago
[00:02:43] when I talked about my whole mold journey
[00:02:45] and like kind of crash thing
[00:02:46] after I had been recovered for years,
[00:02:49] I was in the hole.
[00:02:51] I forgot some of these skills and tools.
[00:02:54] And also there are things I hadn't learned before
[00:02:56] that I had to learn then.
[00:02:58] So my point being is keep coming back to it
[00:03:00] over and over again.
[00:03:01] Remember that we're rewiring patterns,
[00:03:04] which means repetition over and over and over again.
[00:03:08] Some of these things are ways to approach healing.
[00:03:11] Some of these insights are skills or tools.
[00:03:13] The way that we approach it means everything,
[00:03:16] which is what you'll really understand
[00:03:18] after you listen to this.
[00:03:19] And if you haven't already listening to my podcast,
[00:03:22] I talk all the time about how we approach our healing
[00:03:26] changes the trajectory of our symptoms.
[00:03:30] So I hope this is helpful.
[00:03:32] Remember to save it and come back to it.
[00:03:34] And I also wanted to mention that we are enrolling again
[00:03:39] for the Mind Body Healing Method.
[00:03:40] If you have been listening to this podcast
[00:03:43] and you're listening to this episode
[00:03:44] and you're getting some of it,
[00:03:46] but you're not fully grasping it
[00:03:47] or you're feeling stuck
[00:03:48] or you're just starting this journey
[00:03:50] and you want some help,
[00:03:50] you want someone to walk alongside you,
[00:03:53] that's exactly what the Mind Body Healing Method group is for.
[00:03:56] It's for people who want accountability,
[00:03:58] who they want to be around others,
[00:04:01] who they feel stuck and they're not really sure
[00:04:04] how to navigate this whole mind body world
[00:04:06] because there's a lot out there.
[00:04:07] There's a lot out there about nervous system regulation.
[00:04:09] And the reason why I built this program
[00:04:11] and this group was to help people feel seen
[00:04:15] and heard and not so alone so we can do this together.
[00:04:18] And that's usually the best feedback I get from this
[00:04:20] is that people say I'm just so grateful for the calls
[00:04:23] because I finally feel like I fit somewhere
[00:04:26] and this is just really helpful.
[00:04:27] I can hear how people are recovering
[00:04:29] and then it helps me recover, right?
[00:04:31] There's something powerful actually.
[00:04:33] I was talking to a friend about this last night.
[00:04:35] There's something powerful about being in groups
[00:04:37] because not only are you going through
[00:04:39] your own transformation and healing
[00:04:40] but everyone else around you is.
[00:04:42] So you actually start to heal
[00:04:44] because other people are healing, right?
[00:04:45] You kind of take on that energy.
[00:04:47] It's complete group energy.
[00:04:48] So that's a whole other podcast.
[00:04:50] I could probably go into why group healing is so important
[00:04:53] but at the end of the day, the whole point of this
[00:04:57] is to help you really understand
[00:04:58] how to be your own healer
[00:05:00] and to get the support that you need
[00:05:01] to get out of the stuck nervous system patterns.
[00:05:04] You can find more information below in the links
[00:05:06] that my body healing method.
[00:05:07] It's our group program
[00:05:09] and I would love to have you
[00:05:10] if it feels like a right fit.
[00:05:12] If you're not sure, you can email me.
[00:05:14] You can reach out to us and we'll walk you through it.
[00:05:18] Okay, so let's talk about it.
[00:05:21] What are the five things that I see
[00:05:24] that help people go from stuck in pain
[00:05:27] and illness to recovery?
[00:05:30] First and foremost, they stop describing themselves
[00:05:34] as someone with pain and illness
[00:05:35] and they start seeing themselves as a healing body.
[00:05:38] This might sound small but words matter.
[00:05:42] So every time you say my condition
[00:05:45] or I'm someone with chronic fatigue
[00:05:49] or I have chronic issues, I have migraines,
[00:05:55] I have food intolerances.
[00:05:56] You get what I'm saying, right?
[00:05:58] You're taking that on meaning that is you.
[00:06:00] You're literally giving a language to your brain
[00:06:03] that, oh, this is a part of us
[00:06:06] and that might sound a little out there
[00:06:08] but we have seen time and time again
[00:06:11] with research and language
[00:06:12] and how language impacts our minds and our bodies.
[00:06:15] And so this is not just about like a positive thinking
[00:06:19] and go from, you know, I'm sick to I'm healed
[00:06:21] and I'll be good, just keep saying I'm healed every day.
[00:06:23] No, it's not about that but there is real truth
[00:06:27] to the way that you talk about yourself
[00:06:29] and see yourself in the language that you use
[00:06:31] actually changes our mind and body response.
[00:06:34] It's a subconscious layer
[00:06:36] that it's not talked about enough.
[00:06:39] And so we wanna change the subconscious processing
[00:06:41] from I'm sick, I have to be this way,
[00:06:43] this is my identity, to I am healing.
[00:06:47] I am working on my nervous system, right?
[00:06:50] So instead of this is me,
[00:06:52] I just want you to see yourself as a healing body.
[00:06:55] I'm healing, I'm working on recovery,
[00:06:57] I'm helping change my patterns.
[00:06:59] I don't even want you to describe yourself
[00:07:01] as someone with pain or illness.
[00:07:03] And it's not about dismissing you,
[00:07:05] it's not about gaslighting yourself.
[00:07:08] It is not an all or nothing, right?
[00:07:10] I'm not saying never talk about your pain
[00:07:12] or never talk about your illness
[00:07:13] because that's not helpful, that's isolation.
[00:07:15] But I am saying let's be conscious
[00:07:17] about the words that we use to describe ourselves
[00:07:19] and describe what we're going through.
[00:07:21] You can express how you feel about it,
[00:07:23] you can feel frustrated,
[00:07:24] you can feel hopeless sometimes.
[00:07:27] But I still want you to see yourself
[00:07:29] as I am a healing body.
[00:07:31] My body is changing, is healing
[00:07:33] and I'm helping it do that.
[00:07:34] A healing body expects change, literally our minds,
[00:07:37] if we see ourselves as healing, it expects the change,
[00:07:40] but a sick identity expects more of the sickness,
[00:07:43] expects more of the same.
[00:07:46] And especially when it comes to our nervous system,
[00:07:48] so our nervous system likes to stay the same.
[00:07:51] It doesn't want to change, it likes the known, right?
[00:07:54] There's no good or bad in the nervous system,
[00:07:55] it just is what it is, like that's just where it is
[00:07:58] and it doesn't want to change.
[00:08:00] So we have to give it the tools and the language
[00:08:02] to show it that change is okay and safe
[00:08:05] and this is one way that we do that.
[00:08:07] So to sum it up, let's get out of the identity
[00:08:10] that you are sick, that you're in pain
[00:08:11] and that just is what it is
[00:08:13] and that's just your life sentence essentially
[00:08:16] and start to work on language that fits you, right?
[00:08:20] If some of this language doesn't feel right to you,
[00:08:22] don't use it, choose something different,
[00:08:25] but just start to play with the kind of language
[00:08:27] that you describe yourself with
[00:08:28] when it comes to your pain or your illness.
[00:08:30] Number two, what I see the most that helps people
[00:08:34] when especially in the beginning of their healing journey
[00:08:37] is they stop the scrolling and the searching
[00:08:40] and the 3AM AI chats and WebMD.
[00:08:45] I know this is a tough one for some of you,
[00:08:47] especially some of you who have some OCD thought processes
[00:08:51] going on here as well and health anxiety
[00:08:52] and I totally resonate with that.
[00:08:54] Like I hear you, I know that it is something
[00:08:57] that is, you can't just stop it, right?
[00:09:01] It's not just like, oh, we'll just stop doing that.
[00:09:03] No, it's not that easy.
[00:09:05] You're simple or else you probably would have already,
[00:09:07] but I also want this to be a little bit more conscious, right?
[00:09:10] So once you've solidified
[00:09:13] that you know that your symptoms are neuroplastic,
[00:09:17] that they are mind body, which by the way,
[00:09:19] if you're still like, I don't really know
[00:09:21] if this fits me or not, if you don't know where you are,
[00:09:26] if you don't know if your certain condition
[00:09:28] or your pain or your illness is nervous system driven,
[00:09:31] I created a free screener
[00:09:32] that you can find in the links below
[00:09:35] and you can go through, it's a quick two minute quiz
[00:09:39] that you can go through and check off different boxes.
[00:09:42] We ask you a few different questions
[00:09:43] so that we can know whether there's something
[00:09:45] structural or not going on.
[00:09:47] So we can roll out, you know,
[00:09:48] if you've had a certain actual structural diagnoses
[00:09:51] and then you can go through a questionnaire
[00:09:53] to see do your symptoms, do your history,
[00:09:56] fit the neuroplastic symptomology.
[00:09:58] So find the link below.
[00:10:00] And then when you do wake up at 3 a.m.
[00:10:03] for the next health hack to cure you to find it,
[00:10:06] I want you to come back to this every single time
[00:10:09] you can take this screener as many times as you want
[00:10:11] with every symptom that you have.
[00:10:13] I don't care how many times you take it.
[00:10:14] If you keep solidifying to your brain
[00:10:16] that this is mind body, this is neuroplastic,
[00:10:18] it will help release the need to keep searching.
[00:10:22] The searching probably feels productive, right?
[00:10:24] You're doing something to help you,
[00:10:26] but it actually keeps your nervous system in threat mode
[00:10:29] and every search keeps confirming
[00:10:31] that there is something to be afraid of.
[00:10:33] So working on putting down the phone,
[00:10:37] putting down the laptop
[00:10:39] so that your brain doesn't keep thinking
[00:10:42] that there is something wrong
[00:10:43] and there isn't an emergency
[00:10:45] because we know if you fit the neuroplastic symptom lens,
[00:10:49] if you have things like migraines,
[00:10:51] chronic pain that is joint or muscle-based
[00:10:55] and there's not a structural component to it,
[00:10:57] if you have chronic fatigue, long COVID,
[00:11:00] POTS, MCAS, histamine reactions, food sensitivities,
[00:11:04] there's a whole list of symptoms
[00:11:06] that I've already placed on this podcast as well
[00:11:09] and I will place again below.
[00:11:11] We know that those conditions are neuroplastic.
[00:11:15] It doesn't mean it's not real.
[00:11:17] It's totally real in your body.
[00:11:19] It's just that it's more of your brain
[00:11:22] and your nervous system that are keeping it alert
[00:11:24] and on drive and alive.
[00:11:27] So we don't wanna keep giving your brain the fuel
[00:11:31] to keep thinking something else is wrong,
[00:11:33] that you haven't figured out,
[00:11:36] there's some other way, there's some other specialist,
[00:11:38] some other doctor in some part of the world
[00:11:40] that specializes in exactly what you're going through
[00:11:42] and you just need to find them.
[00:11:43] If you fit this lens, that's not gonna happen
[00:11:47] and to be honest, it's a good thing
[00:11:49] because this work, it helps you in so many ways.
[00:11:53] It's hard, but it pays off big time
[00:11:58] instead of going down the medical route
[00:12:00] and spending however many thousands of dollars.
[00:12:03] So number two is really working on stopping the search
[00:12:07] when you're in that anxious state.
[00:12:08] Number three is people that I see recovered,
[00:12:12] they go into their emotions.
[00:12:15] Not everyone has to go to the depths
[00:12:17] and they have to learn all these emotional tools.
[00:12:19] No, not everyone, but most of the people I see myself included,
[00:12:26] they learn how to feel their feelings.
[00:12:29] They learn how to be self-expressive.
[00:12:34] They learn how to be curious about what they're experiencing
[00:12:37] instead of shaming themselves when they figure out
[00:12:40] that they're feeling shame or anger
[00:12:42] and they've been in some trauma in the past
[00:12:45] instead of being afraid of what you're experiencing.
[00:12:49] I want you to be able to feel the sadness
[00:12:52] that you never felt from your breakup.
[00:12:56] I want you to feel the shame and the anger
[00:12:59] that has come up from certain situations
[00:13:01] and experiences in your life.
[00:13:03] Maybe it was a move, maybe it was the death of a pet
[00:13:07] or a family member or a divorce or friendship breakup.
[00:13:11] It doesn't have to be big T trauma.
[00:13:13] It can be anything that your nervous system
[00:13:15] didn't know how to feel, didn't know what to do,
[00:13:17] so it just repressed those feelings.
[00:13:20] Some people like Journal Speak,
[00:13:21] Nicole Sock's Journal Speak,
[00:13:23] where in a very specific way you write out
[00:13:26] your feelings so that you can feel them.
[00:13:27] Other people like somatic practices,
[00:13:30] I like a combination of both
[00:13:31] and you've heard me say this before,
[00:13:33] but I was a therapist for like five years, y'all,
[00:13:35] before I started this work
[00:13:37] and I thought I knew a lot about feelings and emotions,
[00:13:41] but I didn't really learn to feel them within myself
[00:13:45] without being afraid of them
[00:13:47] because every time an emotion would come up
[00:13:48] and that I wasn't even fully aware of,
[00:13:50] it's not like I was this huge emotional person,
[00:13:52] but if you're human, you have emotions.
[00:13:55] So I now know that when I would have emotions pop up,
[00:13:59] there would be a part of me, an unconscious part
[00:14:02] that would push it away and be afraid of it
[00:14:03] because I didn't think it was okay to feel those things,
[00:14:06] sadness or grief or anger or shame.
[00:14:09] And so the people that I see that are progress,
[00:14:13] they learn how to feel feelings
[00:14:15] without judgment or shame.
[00:14:16] Number four, this is one of the big ones
[00:14:18] when I talk about responding to yourself differently.
[00:14:22] Whenever someone has a flare,
[00:14:24] whenever they're in their symptoms
[00:14:25] that pop up after they've gone away for a little bit,
[00:14:29] they learn how to change their response to the symptom
[00:14:32] instead of freaking out
[00:14:33] and thinking that they're back at square one,
[00:14:36] which at first that might happen, that's okay.
[00:14:38] I've had that happen so many times
[00:14:40] where I swear for a few hours,
[00:14:42] it's like I lost everything I knew.
[00:14:44] It's like I lost all the skills.
[00:14:46] I go into freak out mode,
[00:14:49] but I bring myself back
[00:14:50] and I've gotten really good over the years
[00:14:52] to change that pattern.
[00:14:54] So what I mean by that is instead of, oh no,
[00:14:57] oh no, I'm in pain again.
[00:14:58] No, I have urgency in my bladder.
[00:15:00] Oh no, I'm feeling a migraine, come on again.
[00:15:03] What am I gonna do?
[00:15:04] I'm gonna have to cancel my plans.
[00:15:05] Maybe I missed something because this is happening again.
[00:15:08] I should go search for what could be the culprit of it.
[00:15:11] What did I eat?
[00:15:12] Oh, I ate that thing at that restaurant.
[00:15:14] Maybe it was that that set it off
[00:15:16] or I did this exercise, this movement
[00:15:18] and I didn't know that it was gonna cause this.
[00:15:20] Nope, that's what we stop.
[00:15:23] We don't go down the rabbit hole of why this is happening.
[00:15:27] We don't go down the rabbit hole
[00:15:29] of everything's hopeless again
[00:15:30] and I don't know what to do.
[00:15:31] Instead, we learned to respond to ourselves
[00:15:35] so much grace and compassion and be like, oh this thing.
[00:15:39] Oh, this pattern is happening again
[00:15:41] because it is a pattern.
[00:15:42] It's just a brain and nervous system pattern.
[00:15:44] I know what this is.
[00:15:47] I'm meeting myself with so much compassion
[00:15:49] and I'm gonna gracefully as much as possible.
[00:15:53] I'm gonna be in my life as this flows through
[00:15:56] because we know that it's not gonna last forever
[00:15:58] and we know that it is temporary.
[00:16:01] So the more that you can respond to yourself with,
[00:16:04] oh hey, it's that thing.
[00:16:06] Like I don't need to give so much meaning to it.
[00:16:08] It just is what it is.
[00:16:09] It's my body, it's my brain doing that thing again
[00:16:12] and then when you're at the height of it,
[00:16:14] you work through it and just be with it essentially
[00:16:18] which I know that's easier said than done.
[00:16:20] I don't mean it to be simplistic when I say just, right?
[00:16:24] I'm not saying that it's just that easy.
[00:16:27] This takes practice, totally takes practice
[00:16:30] and this to be honest, number four,
[00:16:32] this is the one I want you to come back to
[00:16:33] over and over again,
[00:16:34] which is why I want you to save this episode
[00:16:36] because we forget it all the time, right?
[00:16:39] It makes so much sense.
[00:16:40] Of course, you're gonna react to yourself with fear
[00:16:42] because you're uncomfortable.
[00:16:45] Whatever you're experiencing is hard
[00:16:47] and the way through is being with it,
[00:16:49] holding yourself with it in it
[00:16:52] because the panic is gasoline on the fire
[00:16:55] and no, we don't shame yourself
[00:16:57] when you notice you're pouring the gasoline.
[00:17:00] It's not your fault.
[00:17:02] It's a pattern that is there and it's been there
[00:17:06] and it makes so much sense why it's there.
[00:17:08] So we're learning to update the pattern.
[00:17:11] So what you do is you respond to yourself with,
[00:17:13] oh, maybe there's some sadness,
[00:17:15] maybe there's some frustration that it's happening, right?
[00:17:17] And okay, how can I help myself
[00:17:20] while my body moves through this flare?
[00:17:23] Yeah, number five, people stop planning
[00:17:27] their whole life around their conditions
[00:17:29] and their symptoms and they start actually living
[00:17:31] while they're still having symptoms.
[00:17:33] So instead of waiting to be better
[00:17:35] before saying yes to certain things
[00:17:37] or doing the things that they wanna do,
[00:17:39] they actually start being in their lives
[00:17:42] while they have symptoms
[00:17:44] because living first carefully and gently
[00:17:47] is what teaches the body it's safe
[00:17:50] and then the symptoms start to quiet.
[00:17:52] But if you're still isolating yourself
[00:17:54] and you're not actually expanding your tolerance
[00:17:56] to be in your life while you have symptoms,
[00:17:58] your brain still thinks, well, yeah,
[00:18:01] we're afraid and we're isolating.
[00:18:02] Obviously the symptoms need to be there.
[00:18:05] So when you're in your life, when you're doing the things,
[00:18:07] even though it might be hard because you're in pain
[00:18:10] and you don't feel well,
[00:18:11] but the more that you carefully and with slowness,
[00:18:17] you start to do your life again.
[00:18:18] Maybe you see a friend for 30 minutes
[00:18:20] instead of two hours.
[00:18:22] Maybe you go for a walk that's 15 minutes
[00:18:24] instead of 10 minutes
[00:18:25] or maybe you go take that art class
[00:18:27] that you wanted to take
[00:18:28] even though you were afraid
[00:18:29] if you'd be in pain for the whole time.
[00:18:31] If you are in pain for the whole time
[00:18:33] while you're in that art class,
[00:18:34] you're gonna breathe with yourself
[00:18:37] and respond gently and compassionately
[00:18:41] and just let it be there.
[00:18:43] Again, I understand it's not that easy
[00:18:46] when I say it like that,
[00:18:48] but to be honest, that's kind of the energy
[00:18:50] I want you to bring to it is let it be there.
[00:18:53] You're bringing it with you
[00:18:54] and it's coming along for the ride.
[00:18:57] That's huge
[00:18:59] because then you actually also get to be in your life, okay?
[00:19:02] What I also want you to know
[00:19:03] is that none of this is just willpower, right?
[00:19:06] This is all retraining, nervous system,
[00:19:08] regulation and retraining
[00:19:09] and it's totally learnable.
[00:19:12] If you want help with this
[00:19:13] and you wanna keep being reminded of these things
[00:19:17] while you're in a community
[00:19:17] of people doing it as well,
[00:19:19] again, the Mind Body Healing Method
[00:19:20] is open for enrollment
[00:19:21] and we would love to have you.
[00:19:23] You can find the links below.
[00:19:24] Okay, y'all, I hope that this was helpful
[00:19:27] and I will see you next time.
[00:19:30] Keep being kind to yourself
[00:19:31] and keep healing with grace.