Healing Isn’t Linear: Why Setbacks Are Part of the Journey

[00:00:00] Hey there, and welcome to Heal with Grace. I'm your host, Grace Secker, and I'm a holistic
[00:00:05] licensed therapist and nervous system coach who believes that the chronic and often unseen
[00:00:10] symptoms you're living with are a sign of something deeper going on. A sign that your
[00:00:15] nervous system needs attention. In each episode, I'll share the science behind the most
[00:00:19] common chronic health disorders, plus holistic health tips using mental, physical, and
[00:00:24] spiritual practices. You'll hear what I've learned in my journey and the true
[00:00:28] stories from our trusted guests so you can feel less alone in your experience and
[00:00:32] give yourself grace no matter what you're going through. So without further ado,
[00:00:37] settle in and get cozy. It's time to Heal with Grace.
[00:00:40] Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Heal with Grace. I'm your
[00:00:46] host, Grace, and I'm here to guide you on this wonderful journey of self-discovery,
[00:00:52] growth, and resiliency. Today's episode is one that speaks to the heart of what
[00:00:58] it means to truly heal. We're going to talk about why setbacks are actually a part
[00:01:03] of this journey and why healing is not linear. If you've been in this work for a
[00:01:07] while or just been on your own journey or been in therapy, self-development,
[00:01:10] you've heard that phrase, probably, healing isn't linear, and it can provide
[00:01:15] some comfort when we hear that and understand it. So we're going to dive
[00:01:18] into it to understand why. And then what do you do when you do feel like
[00:01:23] you're stuck and you have setbacks and you feel like you failed or you have
[00:01:27] those moments of, but why is this so hard or like, I don't want to keep doing this?
[00:01:31] We're going to talk about how to help yourself and what to do. The thing is
[00:01:35] that we often set high expectations for our healing journeys and we think that
[00:01:40] we should follow it straight. Like, it's an upward path, but the truth is
[00:01:44] that healing is full of twists and turns and detours and that's okay. So
[00:01:49] we're going to normalize the ups and downs, help you build resiliency and remind
[00:01:53] you that every step, even the difficult ones, brings growth and wisdom. So take
[00:01:58] a deep breath, settle in and let's dive in. So first of all, what does healing
[00:02:07] isn't linear really mean? Let's start by exploring what it truly means to
[00:02:11] say that. Many of us imagine that healing is a straight road from pain
[00:02:17] to peace, but in reality it looks more like a winding path with bumps and unexpected
[00:02:22] turns and sometimes even roblox and sometimes even falling back to where we
[00:02:26] thought we never would be again. And I'll say something about that is that
[00:02:29] that's actually never true. You can never be backwards. You can never be
[00:02:34] where you were before. There might be moments where you feel like that. You
[00:02:38] have familiar feelings that are sensations or experiences, but you are
[00:02:42] not the same person you were yesterday, last week, last month, last year,
[00:02:46] five years, 10 years ago. You can't be. You can only go forward. Even those two
[00:02:51] steps back, don't erase the progress that you've made. Healing is often
[00:02:56] compared to if you've heard the analogy of peeling the onion. Each layer you
[00:03:02] peel back reveals something deeper and sometimes addressing one wound, one of
[00:03:07] those layers brings up another to the surface. So sometimes we think we're
[00:03:10] opening one layer and it's like five of them come off. It can feel
[00:03:14] frustrating, but it's all part of the process of uncovering and
[00:03:18] understanding and integrating our experiences. And the other side of
[00:03:22] that too is that it can feel so hard to peel back one layer. It feels like
[00:03:26] we're stuck and we're resistant and we just like can't get there. But
[00:03:31] resistance is part of the journey too. Your brain and your nervous
[00:03:35] system, like the being of who you are loves you. Your nervous system
[00:03:38] loves you and wants to protect you. And so it's going to protect you
[00:03:41] from what it thinks is dangerous. And what it deems as dangerous is
[00:03:45] what we're trying to tell it that it's not. But those layers are a
[00:03:48] threat to your nervous system. And so we have a lot of really great
[00:03:53] ways to protect ourselves by resisting. So resisting a new skill,
[00:03:58] resisting feeling sadness or guilt or anger. And so you're going to
[00:04:03] see that time and time again. And a great analogy too is that
[00:04:07] think of it like nature. Seasons change tides ebb and flow and
[00:04:12] growth happens in cycles. Just because you're experiencing a winter
[00:04:16] in your healing journey doesn't mean spring isn't coming. We need
[00:04:20] that winter oftentimes to get to the spring, right? Think of it
[00:04:24] as like when you're in the depths of your pain or you feel
[00:04:27] like you've gone backwards, you feel like you've had setbacks.
[00:04:29] There's a reason for that. There's a true, true reason
[00:04:32] even if it doesn't make sense to you in this moment and you
[00:04:35] feel like you've been doing everything you need to be
[00:04:37] doing. But there are lessons in it. You are not somewhere that
[00:04:41] you can't handle. And I hesitate saying that sometimes
[00:04:46] because I can feel kind of dismissing, right? Like I've
[00:04:48] had people tell me that like, you know, you're, you're in a
[00:04:51] place that you can handle because spirit, universe, God,
[00:04:54] whatever you believe would never give you something you
[00:04:56] can't handle. And there are some times I'd be so angry
[00:04:59] at that be like, if you like this is horrible, I can't
[00:05:04] handle this. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know
[00:05:06] what to do. And you can see things when you come out of it,
[00:05:09] right? Like hindsight is 2020. And I've got to say, I even
[00:05:13] though I was angry at some of those times, I truly do feel
[00:05:16] that I do acknowledge it and I do believe it, even when we
[00:05:20] don't understand it, but that's part of the process
[00:05:23] to not understanding something sitting in that being in the
[00:05:26] resistance feeling it recognizing it trying to
[00:05:29] understand it. That's how we move through it. I've said
[00:05:32] the analogy a million times on here, we have to be in
[00:05:34] the woods to get out of them. We can't go around it. So when
[00:05:37] healing is not linear, it means that your journey is
[00:05:42] uniquely yours. And with that comparison is not going to
[00:05:46] serve you at all. So stop looking at someone next to
[00:05:50] you or online or in front of you or behind you or around
[00:05:54] you, whatever, and just like stop looking at other
[00:05:56] people's journeys and focus on yours. Keep leaning into
[00:06:00] trusting that you know things will get better and
[00:06:03] that you will find your way through this, not someone
[00:06:05] else's way. Now, I totally understand like hearing and
[00:06:08] listening to videos or stories of people getting out of the
[00:06:12] place that you've been in can be really helpful, right? It
[00:06:14] helps us expand our mind to know that it's possible. So
[00:06:17] those are helpful. Just watch the sensations of your
[00:06:20] body. If you keep watching or hearing these videos of
[00:06:23] like people getting better and it really lights you up
[00:06:25] and you're like, Oh my gosh, yes, I can do that too.
[00:06:29] Then great, keep watching and listening. But if you
[00:06:31] start to listen to those and you notice you feeling
[00:06:33] resentment, you're feeling like why can they do it? But I
[00:06:37] can't. And oh my gosh, I'm never going to get better,
[00:06:40] but they did. That's where I would look at that. And I
[00:06:43] would start to recognize, okay, what's coming up here?
[00:06:46] Obviously, yeah, there's some resentment, there's some
[00:06:48] lack of trust. I don't really believe that this is
[00:06:51] possible. So really look at that a little bit more
[00:06:54] be with it. And then don't watch so many of those
[00:06:57] videos. Be really boundary with what you watch and
[00:07:00] what you take in terms of content. I also want you
[00:07:02] to recognize that moments of regression are
[00:07:06] opportunities for deeper learning, right? I just
[00:07:09] kind of said this, you may not see it in this moment,
[00:07:12] but what comes into your life? What happens in your
[00:07:15] life? You're meant to live in this lifetime. And so
[00:07:19] when you can lean into that and you can see or try
[00:07:23] to see right look for explore like what is it that
[00:07:26] I'm needing to learn right now? And usually what
[00:07:28] you need to learn is you've had experiences of
[00:07:31] something that's not there. So for instance,
[00:07:34] especially when you deal with chronic pain and
[00:07:36] illness, a lot of times what we need to learn is
[00:07:38] how to take care of ourselves on a deep, deep
[00:07:40] level and stop judging and dismissing and treating
[00:07:43] ourselves like shit. And when you deal with
[00:07:45] chronic pain and illness, you are forced to do
[00:07:48] that. You are forced in a big way to really
[00:07:50] look at yourself and your life and like how
[00:07:52] you're handling it. So I was just talking to
[00:07:55] a client about this the other day where in
[00:07:57] the beginning she came in and she was like,
[00:07:59] I don't understand why this is happening. Like I
[00:08:01] understand the nerve or I'm buying into the
[00:08:03] nervous system. Like I get that, you know, there's
[00:08:05] a mind body component to where I am. And by
[00:08:07] the way, she has long COVID, she's in bed and
[00:08:10] she was like, but I don't have any trauma in
[00:08:12] my life. I don't have any difficulties. I
[00:08:14] don't know. I feel like I've been fine.
[00:08:17] And usually when people say that, I just
[00:08:21] kind of let us go on our journey to then
[00:08:23] discover because I know there's more there.
[00:08:25] Your mind is just blocking it. And what
[00:08:26] we've realized over time is that actually
[00:08:29] she's dismissed taking care of herself in
[00:08:31] so many ways. She'll go like days focusing
[00:08:35] on one thing and forget to eat sometimes or
[00:08:38] rest or take care of herself or sleep or
[00:08:41] you know, some of the basics. And this
[00:08:44] illness is really making her look at that.
[00:08:46] And so when there's these times, these
[00:08:49] deep times of turmoil or pain or
[00:08:52] fatigue or whatever your symptoms are
[00:08:54] and you feel like you've made progress
[00:08:56] but all of a sudden you have a crash or
[00:08:59] you have an increase in pain. It's really
[00:09:01] asking you to dig deeper to see, okay,
[00:09:04] where have you dismissed yourself? What's
[00:09:06] going on here? Or what are some
[00:09:07] experiences that are coming up that you
[00:09:09] haven't really felt or looked at? I don't
[00:09:11] think we ever go backwards ever. We're
[00:09:14] just moving forwards and it looks
[00:09:16] different from different days, weeks,
[00:09:18] months. We just need to be in our own
[00:09:22] space at certain times, meaning sometimes
[00:09:25] that's going to be a lot of progress
[00:09:27] and forward movement and feeling good
[00:09:29] and sometimes our bodies are going to be
[00:09:30] like, whoa, hold on. Let's slow down
[00:09:34] here and we're not ready to get rid of
[00:09:36] this pain yet. And what some people
[00:09:38] might call that as a step back, I just
[00:09:40] say it is what it is. It's just a phase.
[00:09:42] It's just what you're going through.
[00:09:43] So oftentimes when you're in this, it
[00:09:45] can feel like nothing is ever good
[00:09:48] again. Nothing has gone well. You're
[00:09:51] always going to be in this like
[00:09:52] right, your mental health takes a huge
[00:09:54] toll. When it feels like you've made
[00:09:56] progress and then all of a sudden you
[00:09:57] don't or you have some kind of crash.
[00:09:58] You have some kind of place where it
[00:10:00] feels like you're not moving forward.
[00:10:02] And what I'll say to that is that don't
[00:10:04] believe anything you're thinking in
[00:10:06] those times. They are not truths.
[00:10:08] They are just coming from a sense or
[00:10:10] fear of failure. They're coming from
[00:10:12] that core belief that you're not
[00:10:13] enough, that nothing's ever going to
[00:10:15] go well. Anything that you have, any
[00:10:16] thoughts you have, they're all or
[00:10:18] nothing. I'm never going to get
[00:10:19] better. This sucks. Like, what's
[00:10:21] going on? What's wrong? Why can't I
[00:10:23] do this? What is happening? All those
[00:10:25] like all or nothing kind of statements.
[00:10:27] Don't listen to them. They are not
[00:10:28] truth. And what actually we need to
[00:10:30] look at is the opposite. What has gone
[00:10:32] well. It's hard to realize those in
[00:10:34] this moment. But I need you to celebrate
[00:10:37] every small victory, no matter how
[00:10:39] significant it may seem when you have
[00:10:42] these places where you're not doing
[00:10:44] so well. Because when we can
[00:10:46] recognize what has gone well in the
[00:10:48] past, whether that's one day, one
[00:10:50] moment, a pain-free day, your brain
[00:10:54] will start to orient towards that. So we
[00:10:56] want to bring in more of those
[00:10:57] moments. Like, you know what? I just
[00:10:59] had a wonderful week or a wonderful
[00:11:01] weekend. I'm going to celebrate that
[00:11:03] even in this day of pain. And that's
[00:11:06] totally okay. It's not perfect. It's
[00:11:09] not linear. So let's talk a little
[00:11:11] bit more about why setbacks happen.
[00:11:14] So when they're happening, why do
[00:11:17] they feel so discouraging? Let's
[00:11:19] talk about a few reasons why. One, more
[00:11:22] often than not, a big main reason why
[00:11:25] setbacks happen is that we are pushed
[00:11:28] outside our window of tolerance. Our
[00:11:31] window of tolerance is the emotional
[00:11:34] zone, if you will, in which we feel
[00:11:36] safe and regulated. When we're pushed
[00:11:38] outside of it due to stress, trauma
[00:11:40] reminders, overwhelming situations, we
[00:11:42] can become dysregulated. And this
[00:11:44] might look like shutting down
[00:11:46] emotionally, feeling anxious, falling
[00:11:48] back into old coping mechanisms,
[00:11:50] having high pain days, things like
[00:11:52] that, because your nervous system says,
[00:11:54] whoa, hold on, hold on, hold on. All
[00:11:56] of the stuff that's happening, this
[00:11:57] trigger, the stress, this trauma
[00:11:59] reminder, it's too much. So we're
[00:12:02] going to send you these symptoms.
[00:12:03] We're going to send you these old
[00:12:04] coping mechanisms because that's what
[00:12:06] we know as normal. And we're going
[00:12:08] to keep you where you're supposed
[00:12:09] to be. So when you do some of this
[00:12:12] work, what we are doing is pushing
[00:12:14] yourself a little bit outside your
[00:12:15] window of tolerance because we kind of
[00:12:16] have to expand that. But we can't
[00:12:19] control it all the time, right? And
[00:12:20] things happen in life and we live in
[00:12:22] reality. And sometimes we're pushed
[00:12:25] too far outside. And so then we get
[00:12:27] some symptoms. This is when you might
[00:12:29] say you're in a setback or a crash or
[00:12:30] something like that. But the good
[00:12:32] news is that with self-awareness and
[00:12:34] support, we can gradually expand our
[00:12:36] window of tolerance over time. So when
[00:12:39] you're in this place of this like
[00:12:40] crash, this fatigue, old coping
[00:12:43] mechanisms coming back, really what I
[00:12:45] want you to recognize is that you just
[00:12:47] push a little bit too far. And that's
[00:12:49] okay. It doesn't mean you did anything
[00:12:51] wrong. You are not a failure. You are
[00:12:54] not doing it wrong. Seriously, you
[00:12:56] didn't do anything wrong. Your nervous
[00:13:00] system is just trying to protect you.
[00:13:01] So what you do during this time is
[00:13:03] give yourself all the self-compassion,
[00:13:05] all the self-compassion. And see if
[00:13:08] you can recognize what triggered you
[00:13:10] there. What activated all this. Was
[00:13:12] there some belief? Was there some
[00:13:13] overwhelm? What fear was going on? And
[00:13:16] then start to work with that if it
[00:13:18] feels safe to do so. What usually
[00:13:20] happens is that underneath there is
[00:13:22] some unresolved layers of pain. And
[00:13:25] this is because healing doesn't
[00:13:27] happen at once. Our life is a healing
[00:13:29] journey. And sometimes I think that
[00:13:32] we think we've moved on only to
[00:13:33] find old wounds resurfacing when we
[00:13:36] least expect it. This doesn't mean
[00:13:37] you failed. It means you're getting
[00:13:39] the chance to go deeper and heal on
[00:13:41] a new level. So this has happened to
[00:13:43] me time and time again where I truly,
[00:13:47] if you've listened to my to my earlier
[00:13:48] episodes, especially explaining last
[00:13:50] year, 2024, I really did before that
[00:13:53] year. I thought I was that I was good.
[00:13:55] That I was like quote unquote healed in
[00:13:58] terms of the physical illness sense,
[00:14:00] right? Like physical pain, physical
[00:14:02] illness, things like that, where I
[00:14:04] was truly in a really detrimental
[00:14:06] state. And I have like I've gotten
[00:14:08] pretty far with that. But there's
[00:14:11] always something that comes up where
[00:14:13] life's like, you need to go a little
[00:14:16] bit deeper. You're not right. You're not
[00:14:17] healed. You're not packaged up ready to
[00:14:19] go. And that's just because I think
[00:14:22] that what happens is it humbles me.
[00:14:25] And it's like, oh yeah, yeah, I'm human.
[00:14:28] I'm not perfect, right? Like things
[00:14:30] happen. And my nervous system tries
[00:14:31] to protect me by sending me some
[00:14:32] symptoms, shutting me down for a
[00:14:34] little bit because it thinks I can't
[00:14:35] handle whatever is going on. When in
[00:14:37] fact, I can. I have skills to do
[00:14:39] so. And then I use them and get
[00:14:42] some support and work on the fear and
[00:14:44] the emotional pain and understand what
[00:14:46] that layer is. Usually, what happens
[00:14:49] is there's some kind of external
[00:14:50] triggers, right? So because life
[00:14:54] doesn't stop while we heal, things
[00:14:56] like stress at work, relationships,
[00:14:58] unexpected life changes can bring up
[00:15:00] old wounds. An argument, a familiar
[00:15:02] place, or even a particular scent can
[00:15:05] trigger emotions you thought were
[00:15:06] behind you. So when these things
[00:15:08] happen, they're not setbacks, right?
[00:15:10] It's just your mind's way of saying,
[00:15:12] hey, let's work through this now. Yeah,
[00:15:14] let's look at this layer or, oh, there
[00:15:16] was that reminder again. And what we
[00:15:18] have to do is remind our nervous
[00:15:19] system, remind our bodies that we're
[00:15:20] not there, right? Because when we're
[00:15:23] triggered, when we're activated,
[00:15:24] what's happening is there's a
[00:15:26] familiar feeling, there's a familiar
[00:15:28] sensation or experience that's
[00:15:29] happening. And our mind attaches a
[00:15:31] meaning to it. It says, oh yeah, I
[00:15:34] remember this thing. This is not
[00:15:36] safe. This is not okay. Remember
[00:15:38] when that happened one year, five
[00:15:40] year, 10 years, 20, 30, 50 years ago?
[00:15:42] Yeah, that was bad. So it thinks that
[00:15:45] it's in that moment. But instead, we
[00:15:47] have to say, hey, I'm right here.
[00:15:52] I'm not there anymore. And I'm
[00:15:55] sending you all the compassion and
[00:15:57] love that we need. That's what
[00:15:59] happens when external triggers come
[00:16:01] up, emotional triggers. When it feels
[00:16:03] like you just can't deal, it's
[00:16:05] okay to rest as well. Resting
[00:16:07] isn't quitting. It's refueling. So all
[00:16:10] these things that I'm talking about
[00:16:12] where I'm saying, give yourself
[00:16:13] compassion, look at the deeper layer,
[00:16:15] understand the core belief, those are
[00:16:16] all really important. And at the
[00:16:19] same time, let's not take that
[00:16:21] perfectionistic approach to the
[00:16:23] healing, right? So if you do get
[00:16:26] really activated, maybe you do get
[00:16:28] shut down for a day, it's okay to
[00:16:30] rest. Now I don't want you to
[00:16:32] totally dismiss yourself and like
[00:16:33] completely dissociate, give yourself some
[00:16:36] care, some attention. But it doesn't
[00:16:38] mean you need to go deep into those
[00:16:39] layers, do some crazy meditation or
[00:16:41] understand the core belief and work
[00:16:43] with it. It probably needs you need a
[00:16:44] little combination of rest and
[00:16:45] compassion and tell yourself, okay,
[00:16:47] we're going to look at this, but I'm
[00:16:48] going to give myself some time,
[00:16:50] some time to rest. The thing is
[00:16:51] that our brains are wired for
[00:16:53] survival, right? So under stress,
[00:16:57] they default to old familiar
[00:16:59] patterns. Even if those patterns
[00:17:01] are no longer serving us, it's
[00:17:03] important to recognize this because
[00:17:04] again, our brain or nervous system
[00:17:06] does not see something as good or
[00:17:07] bad, it just says something is
[00:17:09] dangerous or not. So when it sees
[00:17:11] something is dangerous, it's going
[00:17:12] to send you an old familiar pattern.
[00:17:15] And it's important to recognize this
[00:17:16] with compassion and remind yourself
[00:17:19] that you're doing your best with
[00:17:20] the tools that you have. You are.
[00:17:22] Even if you can't acknowledge it
[00:17:24] right now, even if you don't fully
[00:17:25] believe it, you are. So when
[00:17:27] setbacks happen, when crashes
[00:17:29] happen, first and foremost, if you
[00:17:31] need it, give yourself rest, give
[00:17:33] yourself a big hug, do some
[00:17:35] breath, do some calming
[00:17:36] practices. And then when you feel
[00:17:38] like you're ready, you can ask
[00:17:40] yourself, what is this teaching
[00:17:41] me? And how can I support myself
[00:17:43] through it? So now that we
[00:17:46] understand what a setback is,
[00:17:49] what a crash is, let's explore
[00:17:51] how to build resilience to
[00:17:53] navigate them with grace and
[00:17:55] strength. If you've noticed by
[00:17:56] now, I've talked a lot about
[00:17:58] compassion. Whenever we have these
[00:18:00] times, it's really, really the
[00:18:02] best thing because probably what
[00:18:04] happens is you start to judge
[00:18:05] yourself or criticize yourself or
[00:18:07] think that you're a failure. But
[00:18:09] it's just not true. Like it's
[00:18:11] truly not true. So stop believing
[00:18:12] those thoughts. And so the first
[00:18:14] thing I want you to do is
[00:18:16] practice self compassion. I'm
[00:18:18] repeating this multiple times
[00:18:20] throughout this episode because I
[00:18:21] really want to drive it home. I
[00:18:24] want you to practice self
[00:18:24] compassion. Be kind to
[00:18:26] yourself during tough times. Speak
[00:18:28] to yourself as you would a
[00:18:30] friend. If you slip into old
[00:18:32] patterns, remind yourself, I'm
[00:18:33] learning and that's okay. Put your
[00:18:35] hand on your heart, give yourself
[00:18:37] a hug, breathe in deeply, take a
[00:18:39] bath. Give yourself time to
[00:18:42] rest, unconditional love when
[00:18:45] you rest. Lots of grace, lots of
[00:18:48] flexibility. And remember, speak to
[00:18:50] yourself as you would a friend. I
[00:18:53] also want you to celebrate small
[00:18:54] wins. Recognize the progress
[00:18:57] you've made, no matter how small,
[00:18:59] whether it's getting out of bed,
[00:19:01] journaling your feelings or
[00:19:03] simply acknowledging your emotions
[00:19:04] every single step counts. Celebrate
[00:19:07] the wins from this point
[00:19:08] forward during this time. Also
[00:19:10] celebrate the wins leading up to
[00:19:11] this time. And sometimes there
[00:19:13] might be a lot of resistance
[00:19:14] around this because you're in this
[00:19:16] state of like, oh, this sucks.
[00:19:17] Nothing is working anymore. Blah,
[00:19:19] blah, blah, blah. Right? You're in
[00:19:21] that like negative mindset. But we
[00:19:23] need you to get into that positive
[00:19:25] mindset. Get your brain in that
[00:19:27] place. It's always going to keep
[00:19:29] recognizing the wins. What is
[00:19:31] going well? Part of this is
[00:19:33] reframing your perspective, which
[00:19:35] is the next tool. So instead of
[00:19:37] seeing set backs as failures, try
[00:19:39] viewing them as opportunities to
[00:19:41] deepen your healing. Growth isn't
[00:19:43] about never struggling. It's
[00:19:44] about becoming more skilled at
[00:19:46] navigating challenges. Reframing
[00:19:49] and responding differently is
[00:19:51] huge. Because if you're in this
[00:19:54] negative mindset of like, I'm a
[00:19:55] failure, this sucks, this is never
[00:19:57] going to get better. You're
[00:19:59] reacting to something that's
[00:20:01] going on instead of responding.
[00:20:04] Right? So we want you to respond
[00:20:06] with seeing this totally
[00:20:07] differently. So the reason why we
[00:20:10] say setbacks, the reason why we
[00:20:12] think of them as failures is
[00:20:13] because we've been taught, we've
[00:20:15] learned that we need to be in a
[00:20:17] straight line of trajectory of
[00:20:19] healing. Like we learn the
[00:20:20] skills, we practice them, it's
[00:20:22] perfect, we're good, we're
[00:20:23] done. That's what we've
[00:20:25] learned. That's what society
[00:20:27] teaches us we need to be
[00:20:28] doing. But that's not truth.
[00:20:30] Like that's not reality. That's
[00:20:32] not being human. Right? So we
[00:20:34] need to start seeing time as
[00:20:37] nonlinear. It just is. What
[00:20:40] happens in life, your journey,
[00:20:42] your progress, your year to
[00:20:43] year, the different phases of
[00:20:44] your life is just your life.
[00:20:46] There's no right or wrong.
[00:20:47] There's no setbacks. There's
[00:20:49] no failure. It just is. Right?
[00:20:53] So when you can reframe your
[00:20:54] perspective around it, oh my
[00:20:56] goodness, it opens up so much.
[00:20:59] Like, it opens up. Exhale in
[00:21:02] your body. It opens up for so
[00:21:04] much growth and like gets rid of
[00:21:06] so much crappy energy and
[00:21:09] negativity. When you do this
[00:21:11] during these times, what you're
[00:21:12] actually doing is expanding
[00:21:14] your window of tolerance.
[00:21:15] Because when you can be in
[00:21:16] this without completely
[00:21:17] dissociating and giving
[00:21:19] yourself grace and compassion
[00:21:20] and reframing your
[00:21:21] perspective, you're gradually
[00:21:23] exposing yourself to
[00:21:24] situations that push your
[00:21:25] boundaries in a manageable
[00:21:27] way because you're learning to
[00:21:28] manage them differently.
[00:21:30] So this might be practicing
[00:21:32] more grounding techniques,
[00:21:33] seeking support or setting
[00:21:35] healthy boundaries, things
[00:21:36] like that. Lean on your
[00:21:39] support system throughout this
[00:21:40] time. You do not have to go
[00:21:42] through this alone. I'm going
[00:21:43] to say that again and again
[00:21:44] and again. You don't have to
[00:21:45] go through this alone. If it
[00:21:46] feels like you do, or you
[00:21:48] really truly don't have
[00:21:49] anyone else to reach out to,
[00:21:50] reach out to us, whether
[00:21:52] you want to work with us,
[00:21:53] whether you want to join
[00:21:54] one of our groups,
[00:21:54] something like that, you do
[00:21:56] need a community. There's also
[00:21:57] plenty of other communities
[00:21:58] online for chronic illness,
[00:21:59] chronic pain, things like
[00:22:00] that. You need people
[00:22:03] around you, whether that's
[00:22:04] virtually in person,
[00:22:06] whatever, reach out to people
[00:22:07] that you feel you can
[00:22:09] reach out to that might be
[00:22:10] safe or maybe a therapist or
[00:22:11] a coach that can offer
[00:22:12] perspective and encouragement.
[00:22:14] It's so important. You're
[00:22:15] not meant to do this alone.
[00:22:16] And actually your nervous
[00:22:18] system is not meant to do
[00:22:20] this alone. We find safety
[00:22:22] in connection. We're
[00:22:24] literally wired to connect.
[00:22:26] So in order to regulate your
[00:22:27] nervous system, you do need
[00:22:29] some safe connections. And I
[00:22:31] say this with the most
[00:22:32] compassion, because I know
[00:22:33] sometimes some people really
[00:22:35] don't have support and they
[00:22:36] don't have people they can
[00:22:37] go to. And it can feel scary
[00:22:39] because you've had difficult
[00:22:41] experiences or relationships or
[00:22:43] trauma around this. So I have
[00:22:45] to say that I'm not saying
[00:22:46] this is easy, but I am
[00:22:47] saying it's important. Okay.
[00:22:49] I hope by now you're
[00:22:50] learning how to respond
[00:22:52] differently. If you're in it,
[00:22:54] you know, if we're truly in it
[00:22:56] right now. And so I want to
[00:22:58] leave you with this with a
[00:22:59] reflection exercise. Save this
[00:23:02] and come back to it. If you
[00:23:03] can't do it right now, save
[00:23:04] this for when you really need
[00:23:05] it. I'm going to give you a
[00:23:06] few questions that you can
[00:23:07] lean into first and foremost
[00:23:10] whenever we're in this
[00:23:10] state, we always stop and we
[00:23:12] breathe. We do not believe
[00:23:14] our thoughts. We do not
[00:23:15] believe the negative place
[00:23:17] that we are in. So just
[00:23:19] take some deep breaths. And
[00:23:22] if you're in it right now, I
[00:23:23] want you to journal these
[00:23:25] prompts. If it feels safe to
[00:23:26] do so. Again, if you need
[00:23:28] some time to just be, do that
[00:23:30] as well. But I want you to
[00:23:31] journal about what emotions
[00:23:34] are coming up for me. How did
[00:23:36] I respond to them? And then
[00:23:38] I also want you to write
[00:23:40] out how do you respond to
[00:23:42] them? How can you respond
[00:23:44] in a loving and compassionate
[00:23:45] way? Maybe you do like feel
[00:23:48] your feelings meditation and
[00:23:50] really feel them with
[00:23:51] compassion and acceptance. And
[00:23:54] then what can I learn from
[00:23:55] this experience? Do you maybe
[00:23:57] need to learn what layer
[00:23:58] it's asking you to look at?
[00:24:00] What trigger? What belief
[00:24:02] it's activated? What do you
[00:24:03] need to learn from this
[00:24:04] experience? And last but not
[00:24:06] least, what small step can I
[00:24:09] take moving forward? So what
[00:24:11] can you take? What small
[00:24:12] step can you take to help
[00:24:14] yourself through this? And I
[00:24:15] say through and instead of
[00:24:18] over because we want you to
[00:24:19] move through it, right? Not
[00:24:21] try to push past it. And
[00:24:22] please remember that these
[00:24:24] places, these setbacks, these
[00:24:26] crashes, they don't define
[00:24:28] you. How you rise from them
[00:24:30] does. How you respond to
[00:24:32] where you are matters more
[00:24:34] than anything. And it
[00:24:36] actually helps you moving
[00:24:38] forward in any other time
[00:24:40] that you have is difficult.
[00:24:42] I also want to remind you
[00:24:43] that if you do want some
[00:24:44] support along this journey,
[00:24:46] myself and Leona are
[00:24:48] offering individual coaching
[00:24:49] spots for 2025. And we would
[00:24:51] love love to support you if
[00:24:53] you feel a call too. So you
[00:24:55] can find the link below to
[00:24:56] schedule a time to see if
[00:24:58] it's a good fit. And we
[00:25:00] would really look forward to
[00:25:02] supporting you. Before you
[00:25:03] wrap up, I want to leave you
[00:25:05] with this affirmation. I
[00:25:07] trust my healing journey, even
[00:25:09] when it feels messy. Every
[00:25:11] step I take is bringing me
[00:25:13] closer to whole. Alright, if
[00:25:15] this episode resonated with
[00:25:17] you, I would love to hear
[00:25:19] from you. Please share your
[00:25:21] reflections. Don't forget to
[00:25:23] subscribe and leave a positive
[00:25:26] five star review. It really
[00:25:28] helps me get this out to more
[00:25:29] people and share it with
[00:25:31] someone who might need it.
[00:25:32] Until next time, stay gentle
[00:25:35] with yourself and keep healing
[00:25:36] with grace. If this podcast
[00:25:38] means something to you, it
[00:25:39] would mean so much to me if
[00:25:40] you could do these couple
[00:25:41] things. One, go to the heal
[00:25:43] with grace show page
[00:25:44] wherever you listen and tap the
[00:25:46] plus sign or click on the
[00:25:47] follow button so you don't
[00:25:48] miss an episode. It helps
[00:25:50] both of us out. While
[00:25:52] you're there, if you could
[00:25:53] give a five star review so
[00:25:54] that this podcast can reach
[00:25:56] more people, it would mean
[00:25:58] so much to me so I can
[00:25:59] continue sharing episodes
[00:26:00] that help you as well as
[00:26:02] others. Thanks for listening
[00:26:04] and I hope this brings you
[00:26:05] hope on your journey.